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November 3, 2009

CNN Says That Nicolas Cage Says That He Is Broke This news story is weird. Nicolas Cage is so broke that he has to sell four different 10 million dollar mansions? But I guess he still gets to keep a few of his other 10 million dollar mansions? What fucking definition of "broke" is CNN using?

Posted at 4:45 PM in ,
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32 Comments

I hope he's not going to be forced into taking bad roles just to pay the bills.

Posted by: whoa! profile link at 11/03/09 4:50 PM  | Reply
Score = 54 Vote up Vote down

Looks like someone just rolled Snake Eyes. He will undoubtedly have to Face Off with his debt collectors, so he should be Leaving Las Vegas for the City of Angels before the rest of his mansions are Gone in 60 Seconds. #mydadsjokes

Posted by: Professor Push-Ups profile link  in reply to  whoa!'s comment at 11/03/09 5:42 PM  | Reply
Score = 19 Vote up Vote down

"His wallet's too small for his fifties and his diamond shoes are too tight!" -Chenandler Bong

Posted by: gijyun profile link at 11/03/09 4:51 PM  | Reply
Score = 16 Vote up Vote down

is that like Chandler Bing?

Posted by: bird profile link  in reply to  gijyun's comment at 11/03/09 5:10 PM  | Reply
Score = -3 Vote up Vote down

It's the fake name Chandler Bing used to get his TV Guides for free. I am a nerd.

Posted by: DuckDuck profile link  in reply to  bird's comment at 11/03/09 5:13 PM  | Reply
Score = 11 Vote up Vote down

sonofabitch.

Posted by: bird profile link  in reply to  DuckDuck's comment at 11/03/09 5:19 PM  | Reply
Score = 0 Vote up Vote down

Actually, it's Miss Chenandler Bong.

Love,
Prof. Ima Biggernerdthanyou

Posted by: dance contest winner profile link  in reply to  bird's comment at 11/03/09 5:22 PM  | Reply
Score = 15 Vote up Vote down

"What is Big Fat Goalie?!"

Posted by: DuckDuck profile link  in reply to  dance contest winner's comment at 11/03/09 5:29 PM  | Reply
Score = 4 Vote up Vote down

It's kinda like chandelier, but it's NOT!

Posted by: ber profile link  in reply to  dance contest winner's comment at 11/03/09 5:42 PM  | Reply
Score = 2 Vote up Vote down

No matter how broke Nicolas Cage is, he will still have more money than he deserves to have ever earned from acting.

Posted by: Gobblegirl profile link at 11/03/09 4:54 PM  | Reply
Score = 11 Vote up Vote down

What would Topher Grace do?

Posted by: simonsays profile link at 11/03/09 4:56 PM  | Reply
Score = 2 Vote up Vote down

I tried to care, but all I got from that was how annoying it must be for his wife to be referred to as "a former waitress." A true rags to riches to rags story I guess.

Posted by: Lakonislate profile link at 11/03/09 5:00 PM  | Reply
Score = 8 Vote up Vote down

"His wife, a future waitress, ..."

Posted by: Lakonislate profile link  in reply to  Lakonislate's comment at 11/03/09 5:02 PM  | Reply
Score = 8 Vote up Vote down

His future waitress, a former wife...

Posted by: DuckDuck profile link  in reply to  Lakonislate's comment at 11/03/09 5:31 PM  | Reply
Score = 9 Vote up Vote down

I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult it must have been for Mr Cage to choose which 10 million dollar mansions to keep and which 10 million dollar mansions to surrender in these tough times. It must be like picking between kids. Catherine, you stay. Johnny, we're letting you go.

Posted by: Nan profile link at 11/03/09 5:01 PM  | Reply
Score = 10 Vote up Vote down

He should use the secrets from National Treasure to make the money back

Posted by: Ian profile link at 11/03/09 5:09 PM  | Reply
Score = 4 Vote up Vote down

There's always www.donatetosaveniccagesmansion.com

Posted by: magna carta profile link at 11/03/09 5:15 PM  | Reply
Score = 1 Vote up Vote down

There's always www.moneyinthebananastand.com

Posted by: douglasdodgson profile link  in reply to  magna carta's comment at 11/03/09 5:33 PM  | Reply
Score = 12 Vote up Vote down

He was relying solely on the royalties from DVD sales of "Gone in 60 Seconds". Nice work, Gabe. http://videogum.com/archives/the_hunt_for_the_worst_movie_of_all_time/the_hunt_for_the_worst_movie_o_75_097561.html

Posted by: Skillet profile link at 11/03/09 5:15 PM  | Reply
Score = 5 Vote up Vote down

i didn't know Nic Cage was in Dire Straits! "National Sultans of Treasure"

Posted by: bird profile link at 11/03/09 5:17 PM  | Reply
Score = 1 Vote up Vote down

Nic Cage has a bank vault full of 10 million dollar mansions that he Scrooge McDucks into nightly.

Posted by: Superglue profile link at 11/03/09 5:28 PM  | Reply
Score = 7 Vote up Vote down

More use of "Scrooge McDuck" as a verb, please!

Posted by: kiljoywashere profile link  in reply to  Superglue's comment at 11/04/09 10:22 AM  | Reply
Score = 0 Vote up Vote down

This story is actually really tragic. I can totally sympathize with Nicolas Cage! Excuse me while I dry my tears with these two pointy diamonds...

Posted by: Aaron profile link at 11/03/09 5:30 PM  | Reply
Score = 5 Vote up Vote down

I would have thought, with his powers of precognition, that he would have seen this coming.

Posted by: Professor Push-Ups profile link at 11/03/09 5:33 PM  | Reply
Score = 4 Vote up Vote down

I would say he could just move into a cave, but then I remembered what he said in Knowing: The caves won't save us!

Posted by: Jeb profile link at 11/03/09 5:58 PM  | Reply
Score = 1 Vote up Vote down

He has been artistically bankrupt for years, ah-cha-cha cha.

Posted by: Apartment Tiger profile link at 11/03/09 6:21 PM  | Reply
Score = 6 Vote up Vote down

Upvotes for the Jimmy Durante onomatopoeia.

Posted by: sen_tankerbell profile link  in reply to  Apartment Tiger's comment at 11/03/09 7:45 PM  | Reply
Score = 2 Vote up Vote down

I'm in bankruptcy class right now so I feel comfortable judging your jealousy! He is out of money so he has to sell his stupidly expensive homes, that he likely bought on debt that he presumed he would be able to cover, at a considerable loss. His present issue is with the IRS, to whom he appears to owe six million or so dollars. It sounds like he's declaring bankruptcy and liquidating his assets to get as much as he can to his creditors before discharging whatever debt is left over. It's a shame he trusted some stupid swindler with his financial planning. If you can't trust your financial planner, you're really screwed! Like Nic Coppola here.

Posted by: ModestAlfred profile link at 11/03/09 6:33 PM  | Reply
Score = 1 Vote up Vote down

I think his bad acting distorted the message. Nic Cage isn't bankrupt, he's just housebroken.

Posted by: freckle profile link at 11/03/09 6:42 PM  | Reply
Score = 0 Vote up Vote down

He probably invested it all in real estate or something. Fortunately, since I have invested all my money in shorting Nicholas Cage's Oscar futures, I now own four 10 million dollar mansions.

Posted by: Cultural Underpinnings Face King profile link at 11/03/09 7:08 PM  | Reply
Score = 4 Vote up Vote down

I watched Ghost Rider on tv the other night. Damn those WMOAT time rules!

Posted by: incredimarc profile link at 11/04/09 11:43 AM  | Reply
Score = 0 Vote up Vote down

Don't worry guys, there HAS to be a secret vault hidden in his hair right?

Posted by: kreigle37 profile link at 11/04/09 1:10 PM  | Reply
Score = 2 Vote up Vote down

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