June 26, 2008

Three Sex Tapes That Would Be Worse Than Verne Troyer's

thumbnail icon: Three Sex Tapes That Would Be Worse Than Verne Troyer's

Yesterday afternoon, TMZ posted a short clip of a Verne Troyer sex tape with the headline "Avert Your Eyes." A rare miss, TMZ. I don't know if anyone's told you this, but Troyer hasn't been funny to laugh at since he was peeing off his Rascal on The Surreal Life.

Not that there's anything to laugh at him about here because Verne Troyer making a sex tape isn't funny. It's uplifting, like the movie Murder Ball. I mean, I know that if I drunkenly fall off of a balcony at my friend's bachelor party and break my spine, I won't end up two feet eight inches tall, but it's still nice to know that people with obstacles are still over CUMMING them. (Ew. That sentence is grosser than the Verne Troyer sex tape. Sorry.)

Besides, there are people whose sex tapes would be way worse.

Quentin Tarantino

I don't even think I need to explain this one. Sure, the sex tape would probably have some clever call backs to those classic sex tapes of the 70s, but there would also be a lot of blood, and Quentin Tarantino is horrible on camera.

Al Roker

First of all, his sex tape would be called "Here's What's Going On With My Dick In The Woods." Actually, that's funny. Nevermind, go ahead and release your sex tape, Al Roker. It can't be any more horrifying than everything else you do on TV, which is the worst.

M. Night Shyamalan

His sex tape would be too spooky! And you'd see the surprise ending coming from a mile away (SPOILER ALERT: Shyamalan's partner is not fulfilled).

I was going to make a joke about how it would be so gross if Warwick Davis made a sex tape, the joke being WHAT A DOUBLE STANDARD, but then I found this picture of him hanging out at the frisbee golf course and I couldn't go through with it. Warwick Davis gets mad poon.

Posted by Gabe at 9:46 AM in Behind The Scenes, Celebrity Gossip!
Tags: Sex Tapes | Verne Troyer