Could Anything Be More Boring For A Movie Plot Than Online Gambling?
It's being reported today that Leonardo DiCaprio has signed on to make a movie about poker. Sure. Except this movie is about online poker. Huh? From Variety:
Paramount has put its chips down on an untitled pitch about the world of online casinos based in Costa Rica. Leonardo DiCaprio is attached to star and produce through his Appian Way shingle.The untitled project hails from scribes Brian Koppelman and David Levien ("Rounders," "The Girlfriend Experience," "Ocean's Thirteen"). Appian Way's Jennifer Davisson Killoran will produce.
Online casinos, whatever. Same diff. (Sidenote: "Paramount has put its chips down"? The Pulitzer committee should put its award down, in this writer's face.) From the writers of Rounders and Ocean's 13? These guys should not be selling screenplays, they should be sitting in front of a television crew with Dr. Drew, getting help for their gambling addiction.
Seriously, though? Online gambling? Is there anything more boring for a plot device for a movie?
Sure.
- Scrapbooking Club
- Online Scrapbooking Club
- Beanie Baby Collectors
- The Cutthroat World Of Three Legged Potato Sack Racing
- Competitive Watching Paint Dry
- Online Competitive Scrapbooking Club
But only barely. Dumb.
Posted by Gabe at 11:30 AM in Bad Idea Jeans
Tags: Leonardo DiCaprio | Online Gambling
A movie about making LOL cats?
Score = 10
High stakes Facebook quizzing!
Score = 17
Actually, I think a movie or documentary exploring the Beanie Baby Collector world would be pretty good. There must be some pretty scary stories behind those people, it could almost be a psychological thriller.
Score = 6
say what you will, but I've won a nice amount of money playing online poker - so stick that in your back pocket!
that said, it's not exactly a white knuckle thriller of an experience....
Score = 2
I can't tell if it would be more or less exciting for the person watching over your shoulder. I mean, I can get a little worked up if the person playing Solitaire is missing the easy card. But would I watch two hours of that? God, I hope not.
Score = 12
Facebook vs Myspace
(It would be hyped up along the lines of Ecks vs Sever.)
Score = 3
Anything-goes eBay bidding?
Score = 1
The underground subculture surrounding video slot machines in the back corners of dive bars. No one ever really knows what the payout rules on those things are.
Score = 0
It doesn't actually say he'll be playing online poker. It says it will be about the online casinos based in Costa Rica. Leo + Costa Rica + latin women + swindling gringos - palatable dialouge = slightly better. Right? Maybe not.
Score = 2
The underground subculture surrounding video slot machines in the back corners of dive bars. No one ever really knows what the payout rules on those things are.
Score = -3
Hahahah
Score = 0
as long as there's nudity, i'm there.
Score = 0
I wonder if Aaron Sorkin is still writing that Facebook movie. I love Aron Sorkin, but UGH.
Score = 4
I think Costa Rico could provide a vivid backdrop for story telling here.
For instance, there are lots of volcanoes in Costa Rico. Perhaps they all explode at once and the only way to save the entire nation is to create a giant shield at a cost of 14 millions dollars, which conveniently is the prize money in the Online Poker Championships.
Fucking. Gold.
Score = 4
The high-stakes, competitive world of Videogum commenting?
Score = 20
"Who are you?"
"Eatur. Da Cake Eatur."
Score = 22
I might watch a biopic about Da Cake Eatur. Only if he was played by a chimp.
Score = 12
Can I short this as-yet-untitled project on the Hollywood Stock Exchange yet?
Score = 2
What about a Guitar Hero movie? Oh wait...
Score = 2
I like that this movie might possibly provide us with the 90s classic "type on a computer fast while quick cutting to people attempting to enter a locked room, only to find something harmless on the screen in the end" a la Hackers, The Net, Antitrust. Truly something the kids have been missing out on these days.
Score = 7
You Can Make It Up: people with a passing interest in Wheel of Fortune.
"Well, if it's on, I can't say no, but who can bother to remember when those dadgum networks show anything?"
"What I never understood is why wouldn't you guess L more often? Aw, heavens to Betsy, you wasted money on a U."
Score = 4
Scene 27 - LOCATION - SERVER ROOM
NERD (casting note: preferably black w/ British accent?): Blimey, the whole casino's down! We're under DDoS Attack from Russian Hackers!
HOT LATINA: Ay, caramba! What will we do?
LEO: It's time to put all our e-chips on the table.
Score = 13
Gwyneth Paltrow's inner aspect
Score = 6
Ridley Scott's making Monopoly and there's a load of other Hasbro boardgames to be made into movies... double you tee eff?
Score = -1
when did they learn to use "shingle" that way?
Score = 2
The cut throat world of online forum trolling.
Score = 1
The rule of "never walking away from the table when you're on a roll" will suddenly take on a whole new level, as we witness DeCaprio pee into water bottles and shout at his mom, asking her to leave supper outside his door.
Score = 3
What I want to know is: When did sentences like this become AP style?
"Paramount has put its chips down ..."
1987 perhaps?
Score = 1
I can't wait to see a trailer so I can mock the fake website/OS!
Score = 2
Leo, it's like THE ISLAND meets 21 but totally for the Facebook generation!! Are you ALL IN? You know, until you drop out of this thing in a few months and Ryan Phillippe replaces you? Shuffle Up and We Got a DEAL!
Score = 3
He is getting hotter.
Score = 0