Obviously, these are your pants. You wear them on your body. People see you in them and they're like "of course he/she is wearing those pants. It makes sense when you think about it. The part I don't understand is why they seem so confident." In the morning you're like "Am I going to wear my action pants today, or my quackers?"
PATENT PENDING. (Thanks for the tip, Anna.)
Posted by Gabe at 1:30 PM in Bad Idea Jeans
Tags: Fashion | Winkers
Rip Torn's eyes would barely open and his face was a ravaged, haggard, stubbly mess. His chapped lips stuck together, and the pavement had left a red, mottled impression against his cheek. He looked around blearily, barely able to focus...
MORE »
You know, the truth is, I actually like romantic comedies. I am man enough to admit that. We all would love to live in a world of love and friendship and gentle laughter. Why not? You think I want it...
MORE »
In the future, when the ultra-light telepathic super-mecha, derived from the core technology of the Cybertronics "Real Boys" line of love children, are sifting through the ice wastes for any remnants of the long extinct human race that once created...
MORE »
The Challenge: I had to go on a 3.5 hour bus tour of totally random TV and film locations in New York City. Alone, and wearing a specific ridiculous tshirt. And I had to find someone to take my picture...
MORE »
"Whoa." --Kebanu Roves It is weird that you can't do things normally in New York sometimes. Like, I'm so sorry that I ate an early dinner before going to see Avatar on Friday night the way that a HUMAN BEING...
MORE »
"Buh...buh...but...it looks like the two ducks ares talkings to each other!"
Score = 7
That guy has a HUGE ass.
Score = 0
all i keep thinking about is the cartoon wink noise. boink! boink!
shudder.
Score = 2
Patent Pending, obvs. Keep that intellectual property locked down. Thwart that sea of potential infringers. "Have you seen my new 'Blinkers' jeans?" "Nope. Because Winkers is patented, sucka!"
Score = 10
Winkers: For everyone who was looking for a good way to accentuate their obesity!
Score = 15
They called me crazy when I kept going on and on about the under utilized potential of the ass crease. "You're sick!" They'd say. "You have weird fetishes." They'd say. "Stay away from my family!" They'd say. Well, look who's got the last laugh now. Ha. And I'll revel in it.
Score = 31
Action Pants: The Movie! Coming soon to a theater near you.
Score = 2
As long as they don't put the preview before the Lego movie. That would be an AWESOME OVERLOAD.
Score = 3
At first, I asked myself, "Why in the world is this three and a half minutes long". Then I made a startling discovery: for each individual showcase, the laugh factor grows exponentially as time goes by. By the time you realize that you've been watching these fat owl ass eyes wink alternately at you for nearly a minute straight, you're laughing so hard that you're seriously considering putting on forty pounds and buying a pair. Whoever made this is a marketing genius and deserves a substantial raise.
Score = 13
what confuses me is that the graphics are so awfully 90s, yet dude's got an email account?
Score = 3
That butt has seen no action in years.
Score = 2
Jesus Christ, that is the worst idea since the holocaust
Score = -12
Oh so you downvote a holocaust comment, but it's okay to make jokes about a guy who killed his wife and forced her body into a suitcase?
you videogummers confuse me.
plus I said the holocaust was a bad idea. Right? So by downvoting you're saying its a good idea. WHAT A BUNCH OF HITLERS.
Score = 7
Whoa now, don't get your winkers in a bunch.
Score = 30
The holocaust was a bad idea?
Score = 4
Skeezix's comment = not funny.
Your comment = more not funnier.
Score = -2
Sarcasm, buddy. Relax.
Score = 3
Yeah, friendo. My point was that even sarcastic jokes about the Holocaust aren't funny. Because human tragedy.
Score = 1
so by that reasoning, I'm funny!
Score = 1
You see that dead horse right there? Stop beating it.
Score = 5
Hey Professor Human Tragedy, don't be an asshole. Be more like your cousin Gabe. Gabe is funny and not an asshole at all. Your aunt was telling me yesterday that Gabe always brings home the prettiest girls. How come you never bring any girls home? I just get so worried. I only ever see you hanging around with your friend Steve. I just think its weird that he wears a vest and no shirt, thats all. Don't you think thats weird?
Score = 5
DO NOT WANT. OBVS.
Score = 0
This idea is obviously fantastic but what about those of us whose pants don't fold into our ass when we walk? What about US?
Score = 24
You'll just have to settle for Starers.
Score = 26
Prices from their website (http://www.winkersdesign.com/product):
The Eyes ......................... $149.00
The Ducks ....................... $159.00
The Clap Boards ........... $249.00
The Owl is .........................$269.00
Lion in the Jungle.............$569.00
You could buy like, three pairs of Ed Hardy pants for the price of one Lion in the Jungle!
Score = 28
I like how it looks like your Hamburglar avatar is pointing out the Winkers options on the Winkers menu at the Winkers drive-thru. Because at those prices, Winkers, Inc., could afford to hire Hamburglar away from Ronald's posse.
Score = 31
I gasped. I checked the sight because I didn't believe you. I gasped again.
Score = 2
I guess it's the shape of your ass that will determine whether the eyes will appear to be winking or just going full retard.
Score = 24
After catching my breath and wiping the tears from my eyes, I realized I just watched three and a half minutes of fat people walking away. Thanks, Gabe, for surreptitiously indoctrinating me into your strange new fetish. Will the next step be watching naked fat asses with painted on owl eyes walking away à la those stupid Sports Illustrated painted swimsuits?
Score = 4
After catching my breath and wiping the tears from my eyes, I realized I just watched three and a half minutes of fat people walking away. Thanks, Gabe, for surreptitiously indoctrinating me into your strange new fetish. Will the next step be watching naked fat asses with painted on owl eyes walking away à la those stupid Sports Illustrated painted swimsuits?
Score = 1
They need to make a pair of winker pants with a cyclops eye in the middle of the ass crack.
Score = -1
you fell off kenny. you fell off big time
Score = 0
I've got the Thom Yorke pair, but I have to stand with my left leg back at all times.
Score = 35
If I could upvote forever, I would.
Score = 2
))^((
Score = 1
I upvoted you past my comment for that :)
Score = 0
Gwyneth Paltrow wears these pants. Because they're haute couture and poor people can't afford them.
Score = 1
The action pants made me laugh out loud. Those ones are actually genius.
Score = 4
Khadooz to the ass model who actually answered the Craigslist ad and went through with this in exchange for legal tender.
Score = 7
If I had known they were coming out with these, there is no way I would have lost all that weight!
Score = 4
This is probably the most accurate portrayal of Camille's eyes from NYC Prep.
Score = 10
HOW CAN THIS POSSIBLY BE REAL?
Score = 2
How awkward must the filming of this have been? Some guy is just filming people walking around in a park, and zooming in on their asses? Some guy near my house did that, and you know where he is now? Jail.
You're next, Winkers.
Score = 16
I just got back from lunch and was thinking to myself "I could really go for 3:38 of watching large butts walk away from me."
Score = 6
this will go great with my bacon shirt
Score = 10
Sometimes the free market is wrong.
Score = 3
These will be a hit at the next Gathering of the Juggalos!
Score = 5
i want the Lucille Bluth pair
Score = 8
I'm waiting for the Sarah Palin ones!
Score = 10
Ray Charles Winkers?
Score = 2
The Quacker Factory lady is SO pissed she didn't think of this first. At least the patent is only pending.
Score = 1
Bill is obviously a freaky assman.
Score = 0
what no fucking PacMan. Epic Fail!
Score = 6
I'm too delicate to watch the video, so someone else will have to check for me--is the tag line "Winkers: You'll hate to see them go, but you'll love to watch them leave."
Score = 3
the background music tells me this is a sensible and stylish choice while my eyes are fixated on a hypnotic left cheek, right cheek butt pattern for infinity. The marketing is simply genius.
Score = 2
My new dream is to see someone wearing these in public.
Score = 5
I think it's great! Now I can finally use my ass to flirtatiously wink at people!
Score = 2
everything is wearable.
Score = 4
It's insane, this guy's taint!
Score = 3
It's insane, this guy's taint!
Score = 2
Like i need more eyes on my ass. Am i right, ladies?
(i am not right ladies. where can i get these jeans)
Score = 12
What??? This is videogum where everyone is all "haha Gabe! you are the professor of funny! Because jokes. I wish I could get head out of this yougurt cup" Why are there no looped winking ass eye avatars? Where are the ducks?
Score = 2
I like the chick with the disproportionate ass that creates a sort of lazy eye effect.
Score = 3
good idea jeans would be puttin a hand on that cheek like wavin "goodbye" well they staring at yo fine ass.
Score = 1
))^((
Score = 0
Seems like the "Lion in the Jungle" went horribly awry in production, or that the model gambled and lost, if you catch my drift. But the Owl... the Owl is hypnotic... now there's a pair of Winkers I could get behind...
Score = 0
seriously, guys, these jeans are no crazier than lady gaga's "bubble dress". where is the 4-minute long youtube video of lady gaga walking through a park in the early nineties accompanied by dentist waiting room music?
Score = 0
Wow, that 3:38 is so justified.
Score = 0
I meant the 3:38 runtime is justified. Whatever. I was too hypnotized by the winking ass.
Score = 0
This is the solution to America's weight problem. Camaflouge it with eyes and ducks. I'm waiting for the 'Cats' eyes for theater junkies.
Score = 0
This is fuckin retared.
Score = 0