Guys, I don't want to bum you out, but Michael Jackson is dead. Forever. Now, I'm not trying to be a downer. I understand how comforting it can be to believe that there is something waiting for us on the other side of that mortal coil. Perhaps you think that we're all going to heaven, a perpetual pajama party in the clouds where all the water fountains run with champagne. Perhaps you think that we become pure energy, and our souls disperse into the atmosphere like Powder. Or maybe you think that we hang around on some hidden, spiritual plane for all of eternity, hoisting our descendants onto our shoulders, like Mr. Amistad. We're all entitled to our beliefs.
But please don't hold a seance to raise the spirit of Michael Jackson. And if you are going to hold a seance to raise the spirit of Michael Jackson, for heaven's sake, DON'T PUT IT ON TELEVISION!
As you know, George Lopez is getting his own 10PM talk show on TBS this fall, because apparently 2009 is the year that TV finally tries to kill 10PM once and for all. Between this and The Jay Leno Show, it is only a matter of time before 10PM kills itself. (Correction: 11PM talk show. It's like that REM song, "Everyone Confuses.")
But as if the idea of George Lopez getting his own 10PM talk show wasn't bad enough, now a reader, Jeff, has sent in this ad from one of his favorite magazines. WOOF. I hope the marketing meeting where they came up with this concept didn't take them too long. Because if someone was up until three in the morning eating Chinese take-out straight from the container and tossing crumpled up ideas across the room into the garbage can as they made the sound of a roaring crowd, I'm going to pull a Duck Phillips and implode.
Seriously, is this the worst ad ever made? It might be the worst ad ever made. This is basically our generation's horrifying Lyndon Johnson "daisy" ad in that it makes me fear for the future of humanity and it also fills me with disgust.
Look, I don't really care about Trent Reznor or Nine Inch Nails, but I respect that people do care about that stuff. You want to fuck Trent Reznor like an animal, or whatever. He's the whole reason you got into pickling fetuses in jars in the first place. So, even though I don't personally care, I can only imagine what people who do care are thinking about the fact that the dude just went on a farewell tour for Nine Inch Nails and declared that it was the end of "the band," with the reservation being that the NIN name might be used on the occasional cool and worthwhile project. OK. The ReznorHeads are all like totally awwwww, I'm sure. But, so, that happened, and now here is Trent Reznor, back with the first of his post-retirement cool projects:
A PROMO SPOT FOR FRINGE.
Neat?
The promo itself, as well as some more talk about Trent Reznor's courageous path towards true artistry after the jump.
There is a Japanese game show called Panic Face King where the goal is to make someone have the most panicked face possible. And whoever does that is the king. Of that. I guess. Anyway, in a clip that is circulating today, one guy gets a severe case of Panic Face when he believes that the room he is in is under sniper fire, and that everyone that he was just talking to has been shot. This is what the Japanese call a "gotcha moment."
LOL? I think the funniest Panic Face he made was when he was lying prone under that body that he thought was dead, fearing the next wave of terrifying bullets. Although, they definitely got a couple more GREAT Panic Faces out of this guy when after he crawled to the door in raw fear, his shattered brain working in pure survival mode, they had more people come in with guns drawn, shooting blanks just inches from his face (sorry to interrupt, but that is, it turns out, what she said) and dragging him by the feet across the floor.
"Wakka wakka wakka!"
--Fozzy the Bear
This is basically the Japanese improv Everywhere, and it's awful. Pranks are the worst. Always. (Via the entire internet.)
Oh, Hollywood. Is it the endlessly pleasant weather? Is that what seems to sap all of the ideas from your brains? You would think that with all of your legendary (and conversation-generating) traffic, that you would have some time to sit by yourselves and think things through a little more. In any case, Disney is making a movie called Opposite Day, and it is exactly what it sounds like. From the Hollywood Reporter (via FilmDrunk):
Disney will celebrate "Opposite Day." The studio is developing a high-concept comedy with that title and has hired "Nancy Drew" scribe Tiffany Paulsen to write it. "Opposite," based on an original idea by studio production president Oren Aviv, centers on a corporate hatchet man who wakes up one morning and finds he must follow the exact opposite of his normal routine.
High-concept, or THE HIGHEST-CONCEPT?! A corporate hatchet man has to follow the exact opposite of his normal routine? I think you know what that means...PANCAKES FOR DINNER! Hilarious.
So, Opposite Day is going forward. What, then, with the precedent set, should Disney focus its (clearly) abundant creative energies on after this?
Look, Flavor Flav on TV is like eye sausage. (Eye candy is for baby eyes.) It's satisfying and bad for you, and you do NOT want to know where it comes from. "Well, first we take this drug-riddled, borderline-retarded casing, and we stuff it with ground up racial stereotypes." STOP! Just put the sausage in my eyes! (That is what she said, because she is so confused about how "it" works.) But as great as the Flavor Flav eye sausage (it really is a gross metaphor and it makes me barf every time that I type it) has been so far, the latest Flavor Flav eye sausage (shudder) might be a sausage too far. From the Hollywood Reporter:
The original basic-cable ladies man is teaming with producer Eric Ortner to shop a new series to networks in which he returns to high school to receive his diploma.
Yiiiiiiiikes. No, sure, yes. There's absolutely no way that this could possibly be anything other than uplifting and positive, I'm sure.
Teacher: I'm sorry, Flavor Flav, but you got an F. Flavor Flav: Why you sorry? F is my favorite letter because it is in my name twice! FLAVOR FLAAAAAAAAV! Teacher: OK, well you got a Fail. Is Fail in your name? Flavor Flav: HAaaaaAAAAAAAAAA
I'm pretty sure producer Eric Ortner recently changed his name from Michael Bluth, because he's made a terrible mistake. This is the best part, though:
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