Michael Phelps's third appearance in as many days has been confirmed, this time on the HBO series Entourage. Says Us Weekly:
The Olympic swimmer shot a cameo appearance for Entourage with Kevin Connolly in NYC Thursday, HBO confirmed to Usmagazine.com.
I've been giving Michael Phelps 12,000 calories of shit this week for what I think are going to be disastrous performances as the host of the season premiere of Saturday Night Live and as a presenter at the VMAs, but this appearance might actually prove Blagg's theory right. There's something about him just being himself in an otherwise scripted show combined with characters who are the dramatic equivalent of a Smirnoff Ice commercial that is so volatile it should be entered in a science fair. And lose. Oh, and he's not even appearing on regular Entourage in Los Angeles? What, he couldn't be bothered? Big race coming up, champ? Why am I so mad at Michael Phelps?
Harry Potter fans aren't the only ones who have to suffer the INCREDIBLE DISREGARD of Hollywood. Now that Warner Bros. has callously pushed Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince back 8 months (let's all kill ourselves), FOX is showing the same kind of epic disdain for Baz Luhrmann fans (or Big Luhrmenn, as they call themselves on message boards). Variety reports:
SYDNEY - Fox is shifting its big-ticket outback romance "Australia" to Nov. 26.
"Australia" was slated to release Stateside Nov. 14, about 48-hours after its November 13 world preem Down Under, but now the Oz date will also shift to tally with the U.S. Recently, Warner Bros. moved its next "Harry Potter" movie from Nov. 21 to next summer.
That's a change of almost two weeks! Do they really think that the fewer than half-dozen people who care about this movie are just going to sit around and take this cruelty? We demand that Australia be released on November 26th, AS PROMISED. This is just an attempt by the studios to MAKE MONEY.
Sorry, FOX, but you just signed your death certificate (?) because me and 25-year-old Patrick Allen are going to be marching on your corporate offices. All both of us. Give or take me.
The swimmer who took home a record-breaking eight gold medals from the Beijing Games joins Miley Cyrus, Lindsay Lohan and Ciara as presenters at the Sept. 7 VMAs telecast from Los Angeles. British comedian Russell Brand will host.
Wait, Ciara? I hate when there isn't enough time to address all the things that are ridiculous!
While VMA presenter does seem more Phelps's speed than SNL host, I still cringe at the thought of his leaden delivery of wooden wordplay. "I may have won eight gold medals at the Olympics, but Kanye West is the real 'Champion.'" Or how about "Hi, I'm Michael Phelps. I have to eat 12,000 calories a day to keep up with my rigorous training regimen. My diet consists of pancakes and music that's high in PHAT BEATS. And the nominees for this year's Best Rap Song are..." Man, I should be writing the VMAs.
Anyway, I think we're all in for a healthy dose of Michale Phelps Phatigue.
Now, last week, Alex Blagg at the homepage Best Week Ever Dot Com posed the question "Is Michael Phelps a Douche?" Well, I don't know if he is a douche. I've never met him, and I will never meet him, because I don't hang out with champions. I hang out with THE PEOPLE. On the STREETS. Just kidding. I don't hang out with anyone. ANYWAYS. I do know this: he is going to be terrible at hosting a sketch comedy show. What he lacks in charm and charisma he totally makes up for in having all the gold medals, but gold medals are not going to put laughs in my face.
Not that it's even his fault. There's a long precedent of athletes hosting SNL to terrible results. In fact, I have five Disney Dollars that says someone's working up a Top 10 list for Digg about that very subject right this second. Athletes should really be left to their own devices (balls) and not asked to do something that's totally antithetical (talking) to their talent (being fast and strong).
I vote no on Proposition Phelps. Admittedly, this post is a bit of a mess. It's kind of all over the place. But it's not any more of a mess or any more all over the place than Phelps's performance will be on September 13th. Whoops, looks like someone just got the gold in the Zingpecial Olympics for sticking a perfect landzing.
I think it's long time someone finally had the courage to say who gives a fuck about jet packs. I'm sorry, guys, but this is an outdated future technology that we don't need to fantasize about anymore. That's right, I'm rising up, a lone voice against Big Jet Pack.
This video of British ethologist and evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins, author of The Selfish Gene and The God Delusion reading the hate email he receives from creationists is DIVINE.
Imagining the people writing those letters is so funny. Obviously there are very smart people who believe in Creationism, and could easily craft a compelling, if not convincing, argument for why their beliefs are valid and worthy of debate. But then you have these goblins, tightening the drawstrings on their diapers and getting down to business. So good. I DON'T NEED A PHD AND A LIFETIME DEDICATED TO THE CAREFUL CONSIDERATION OF COMPLEX IDEAS TO TELL YOU MR. GUY TAHAT YOU SHOOD EAT GOD'S BUTTHOLE IN ALL CAPS I DON'T EVEN NEED TO UNDESRTAND PUCNTATINS.
Creationist internet commenters are your boyfriend.
MSNBC has a report about a buffalo and a goat who share the same pasture and are reportedly "inseparable" because they tried to separate them and the buffalo broke the fence. That's the only evidence of their best-friendship, and even their owner (hilariously captioned "Owns Animals") seems a little bewildered as to why MSNBC gives a shit:
These two are clearly just frenemies. They're the Paris and Nicole of the animal world. I'm starting to get the feeling that reporters are just roaming the countryside looking for animal stories now, instead of reporting the hard-hitting animal stories that affect the economy like they did before the internet.
Ugh, I hated Jason, the biggest loser on the last season of The Bachelorette, and not just because he tried too hard. When he told Deanna he had a child from a previous relationship, that was cool, but then on the hometown date he trotted the kid out as Deanna- and America-bait, even allowing the kid to be interviewed confessional-style. Not okay. ABC announced last night that Jason is the new Bachelor, which is unsurprising because every single episode of the franchise includes an increasingly desperate plea for Bachelor candidates (never Bachelorette candidates, though, as the standards are much lower for Bachelorettes, who aren't required to have careers.) But the worst part is a quote from Bachelor host Chris Harrison, who recently told a conference of TV critics that if Jason were chosen his kid "Would have to take center stage." Unless they have a change of heart on the kidsploitation issue, expect the next Bachelor cycle to involve a lot of women fawning over a very confused little boy. Gross.
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