The Most Okay Five Word Speeches From Last Night's Webby Awards
Last night The Webby's happened. The Webbys are the awards for the best sites on the web that have to run everything they post through a team of lawyers first. And who pay the hefty entry fee to nominate themselves. Which is totally not to take away from everything Seth McFarlane has done this year to change the internet forever, I'm just sayin' that's why none of these speeches were given by, say, the Everything Is Terrible guys. Anyway, I happen to enjoy a lot of the characters who won Webbys (like The Onion and Sarah Silverman) and the world wide web does need to have some sites with standards and practices, probably, and anything Cameron Diaz can do to lend glitz and glitter to the internet is a rising tide that raises all boats, right? Winners are limited to speeches of just five words, and I watched them ALL, even the Chase one ("Chase what matters. Chase iPhone." What?) and here are the best.
First, it's important to note that they were all kind of nerdy and awkward. Now, in no particular order:
Sarah Silverman, presumably poking a little fun at herself (note that she won her Webby for "The Great Schlep," that video where she urged you to get your Jewish parents to vote for Obama):
Trent Reznor wasn't terrible:
Kayak.com, but only because this guy cheated:
FAIL Blog. It's supposed to be a FAIL right? Then it's funny:
Jimmy Fallon can be self-deprecating even when (web guru) Cameron Diaz is cheering behind him:
And The Onion News Network, for the actual win:
The festival of awkwardness (seriously, painful) can be found here. All 25,000 of them. Go, lawyers!
Posted by Lindsay at 2:45 PM in Awards
Tags: Cameron Diaz | Jimmy Fallon | Sarah Silverman | The Onion | Trent Reznor
"Epic Win!" says man with cheeseburger on his head.
Score = 4
Gabe/Lindsay- If you had won a Webby what would your 5 word response have been?
Score = 11
"this is our award. woof"?
Score = 18
"Have fun at dinner, guys"?
Score = 37
"Let's paint, exercise, win awards"?
Score = 33
¿"spɹɐʍɐ uıʍ 'ǝsıɔɹǝxǝ 'ʇuıɐd s,ʇǝl"
Score = -5
you know when you're in first grade and your older brother starts calling you fat and stupid because you are fat and you don't know multiplication yet, so then you start repeating everything he says because that's the best you can do because you're fucking six?
that was okay. he was being a jerk.
but you can do better now.
Score = 12
˙ʍou ɹǝʇʇǝq op uɐɔ noʎ ʇnq
˙ʞɹǝɾ ɐ ƃuıǝq sɐʍ ǝɥ ˙ʎɐʞo sɐʍ ʇɐɥʇ
¿xıs ƃuıʞɔnɟ ǝɹ,noʎ ǝsnɐɔǝq op uɐɔ noʎ ʇsǝq ǝɥʇ s,ʇɐɥʇ ǝsnɐɔǝq sʎɐs ǝɥ ƃuıɥʇʎɹǝʌǝ ƃuıʇɐǝdǝɹ ʇɹɐʇs noʎ uǝɥʇ os 'ʇǝʎ uoıʇɐɔıldıʇlnɯ ʍouʞ ʇ,uop noʎ puɐ ʇɐɟ ǝɹɐ noʎ ǝsnɐɔǝq pıdnʇs puɐ ʇɐɟ noʎ ƃuıllɐɔ sʇɹɐʇs ɹǝɥʇoɹq ɹǝplo ɹnoʎ puɐ ǝpɐɹƃ ʇsɹıɟ uı ǝɹ,noʎ uǝɥʍ ʍouʞ noʎ
Score = 7
Welcome to 2009's version of "First!"
Score = 3
Hey, relaxtechnopantiesinawad.
Score = -14
"Relax, Duh Aficionado Magazine Readers!"
Score = 8
Now, as always: "Relax, Technojeremy."
Score = 5
Ouch. That had all the glamour of a NJ senior prom. I think they should be described as an "awards show" rather than an awards show.
Score = 11
do you mean to diminish the title of 2003 prom court jester? because it is not working. i will continue to wear my crown (jester hat, messing up my tasteful $40 dollar hairstyle) with pride.
Score = 4
webbies will mean nothing NOTHING once the killer robots take over
Score = 3
Your avatar rules. That is all.
Score = 2
"Whoops! That's your award show."
Score = 15
"Hey Malkovich, think fast! FUCK!" (takes a bow)
Score = 1
It's because I have breasts.
Score = 2
"The money is hidden in"
Score = -1
"this is totally your boyfriend, bitches" *thumbs toward chest*
Score = -3
Go back to first grade, please.
Score = 1
that would be a terrible thing to say at an awards show! shame on you. plus it's more than six words. *thumbs your cheek*
Score = 1
My point is that yours is more than five words, and you obviously need to relearn your elementary math.
Score = 0