Leighton Meester is in a foot fetish-free music video for the Cobra Starship, whoever that is, song "Good Girls Go Bad," and WHOOPS, between this and the sex tape, Leighton Meester makes terrible decisions when it comes to being filmed! This is some sub-par Brokencyde is what this is. It's kind of like remember when the post-9/11 Democrats were basically giving George W. Bush a green light on every single program that he proposed and so then the Republicans swept the Democrats in the 2002 Senate race because a lot of voters figured why vote for pseudo Republicans when you could just vote for real Republicans who at least had the courage of their convictions? Remember that? This is like that. Because I hate Brokencyde, but I hate poor man's Brokencyde even more! Four more years of Brokencyde!
Ted Danson! You're giving away all of our secrets! What a traitor! President Mystery, throw him in Guy Jail!
What is that book he's reading from, anyway? The Big Book Of Boringest Things You Can Think of to Say to Someone? "Are you tired? Because I'm attracted to you all day." That's page three of his book. Of course, things were simpler back then. It was easy to peacock by just sitting in an easy chair like a sissy about to enjoy a cup of tea and some neighborhood gossip. "Ooh, what's his story?" When you wanted to bounce a target out of a three-set to a second location, you just kino-escalated by pointing your laser tag gun at her chest plate and inviting her to buy you an ice cold Tab. Now, of course, you need a welder's mask and a shirt soaked in blood to even get a girl's attention. (Via EverythingIsTerrible, obviously.)
It was reported last week that a scene from Bruno in which Sacha Baron Cohen interviewed an unsuspecting (isn't she always?) Latoya Jackson, was being temporarily cut just hours before the Los Angeles premiere. Oh, sorry, quick bit of background information: Michael Jackson died. R.I.P. Michael Jackson! OK, so, now it looks like the scene will officially be cut from the movie. From RiskyBusinessBlog:
The sudden death of Michael Jackson on Thursday prompted a series of discussions at Universal Pictures that resulted in the studio cutting a Jackson-related sketch from "Bruno" only hours before its Los Angeles premiere.
Uni removed a scene in which Bruno, the flamboyant Austrian journalist played by Sacha Baron Cohen, interviews an unsuspecting LaToya Jackson about a number of topics, including her brother.
Among the gags is a joke about the King of Pop's high-pitched voice, as well as an attempt to discover his contact info (Baron Cohen grabs LaToya's phone), as well as a reference to his trademark white glove, etc, all done in Baron Cohen's characteristically absurdist tone.
The scene played at press screenings earlier in the week, where it did not stand out as unusually outrageous in the context of the pic's other antics.
Maybe it didn't stand out as unusually outrageous in the context of the pic's other antics earlier in the week, but what about now, after Jackson's death on Thursday?
True Blood/Billy Mays Open Thread• So look, my DVR didn't tape True Blood last night for some reason. So I haven't seen it. Was it good? NO SPOILERS! Just kidding. I ain't care. But, so, also, Billy Mays died? And that is just really sad. And I don't really know what else to say about that. Maybe you do. This is a place for all of your True Blood and Billy Mays comments. You be the blog.
Let's all go to the movies, and let's all see the same movie, and let's discuss it here.
WHAT was THAT?
Going into Transformers 2 this weekend, I had every expectation that it was going to be loud, stupid, and very very long. But for the first 30 minutes or so, I was on board. Sure, it was loud and stupid from the very beginning, but we knew that going in. So there was some pleasure to be taken in just resigning oneself to the experience. "This is so dumb that it's almost reverse-dumb," I thought during those first 30 minutes.
The problem is that the movie didn't end after those first 30 minutes. It went on for another 900 hours. And that's where it fell apart.
Aw, poor Jay-Z! Don't get me wrong, Jay-Z is an Old God, wandering the Earth because he got bored in HEAVEN. But this video could double as a documentary about the loneliest day! He gets dropped off in some scary alley and has to rap by himself in a cold, empty warehouse? And then he eats dinner alone at the Italian restaurant? Why won't anyone eat dinner with Jay-Z? He should have brought a book to read. Sure, later he gets to join some fellow musicians for a rousing performance on VH1 Storytellers (or is it VH1 Scarf-tellers?) but then it's back to smoking a cigar by himself looking out at the river at dawn, wondering how his life got to this moment. And someone blew up all his champagne! Whoops, you're going to be late for your MIDNIGHT HAIRCUT APPOINTMENT at the spooky barbershop.
He's not totally alone, of course. He still has his friend Harvey Keitel, which is fine, I guess, everyone needs to have someone to play high stakes poker with on some overturned pickle buckets in the Italian restaurant's walk-in cooler. But I will say that out of all the people in the whole world, Harvey Keitel seems like one of the least fun to hang out with. He's just a pill. And now he is a very old pill. He used to wear sunglasses inside at night because it was cool, and now he does it because doctor's orders.
Jay-Z just needs some nice friends his own age. And to stop hanging out in these abandoned buildings by himself. It's weird!
I bet Ricky Gervais has had this conversation a lot:
"So, it's Liar Liar."
"No, it's not Liar Liar."
"How is it it different from Liar Liar?"
"Well, instead of Jim Carrey's phoned in face-gymnastics and a supporting cast of professional pratfallers, my movie has an incredibly talented and funny cast, including cameos by Jason Bateman, Martin Starr, Christopher Guest, and John Hodgman. And the narrative is about an alternate reality, which is far more interesting and complex for dramatic exploration than some kind of family friendly pseudo-fantasy built around a child's wish."
"Well, it looks like Liar Liar."
"It's not Liar Liar!"
"It looks like it."
"UGH!"
"Ugh yourself! I'm going to go watch Little Nicky."
He's had that conversation verbatim probably. Little Nicky has found a second life on DVD.
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