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Guys, I don’t want to bum you out, but Michael Jackson is dead. Forever. Now, I’m not trying to be a downer. I understand how comforting it can be to believe that there is something waiting for us on the other side of that mortal coil. Perhaps you think that we’re all going to heaven, a perpetual pajama party in the clouds where all the water fountains run with champagne. Perhaps you think that we become pure energy, and our souls disperse into the atmosphere like Powder. Or maybe you think that we hang around on some hidden, spiritual plane for all of eternity, hoisting our descendants onto our shoulders, like Mr. Amistad. We’re all entitled to our beliefs.
But please don’t hold a seance to raise the spirit of Michael Jackson. And if you are going to hold a seance to raise the spirit of Michael Jackson, for heaven’s sake, DON’T PUT IT ON TELEVISION!
Really? This is a thing? Someone in an expensive suit was like, “hold on, let me just sign the check.” Good work, everyone. Extra juice at snacktime. Maybe David Spade can host!
Dear 2012,
Come over anytime. Please.
Sincerely,
Goners
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i believe his corpse is being preserved until jeff dunham perfects his michael jackson voice, and then jeff will trot the corpse out on his show as one of his new puppets.
WTF is he gonna tell us about, his missing stash of kiddie porn and quaaludes? Is he gonna lead an all poltergeist version of thriller? fml
Well, in their defense, I would sign on to just about anything for extra juice at snacktime. Especially if it’s the old school Ecto-Cooler Hi-C. That stuff was off the hook.
We always had Tang. Poorly mixed, watery Tang. Your snacktime must’ve been way fun, all actual juiceboxes and delicious sugar.
I imagine it’ll go something like this…
“Some believe… these people… are idiots.”
” a perpetual pajama party in the clouds where all the water fountains run with champagne”
This is my new religon. PAJAMA GOD 4 LYFE!!!!1!
So, basically…. you’re a Dudeist.
Well when you put it that way…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfLMHnNLn8g
I would leave Britain immediately via bullet if Charlie Brooker didn’t insult these shows so well.
i was at the video store one time (remember those, kids?) soon after Powder came out and i will never forget a woman picking up the box and showing it to her boyfriend/husband and his replying very loudly “why on EARTH would i want to watch THAT?”…so, anyway, you mentioned Powder.
There better be a 7 second delay on his live seance. We should know by now that those Jacksons are always up to some sort of shenanigans during live events.
Are you sure this isn’t a joke?
The announcer sounded like The Daily Show’s (and Community’s) John Oliver.
Forgive me if I’m being ignorant, just ignorant, but I would like someone to tell this is just a joke.
Nope, it’s being regularly advertised on British TV by the same company who so respectfully aired a parody of his life less than a month after his death under the guise of a comedy “tribute”.
Sky1 is owned by Rupert Murdoch! It is not at all surprising that it is full of terrible.
Why are people so stupid? I just want an answer, God.
All of God’s children are terrible.
This is going on my business card.
to think of the list of dead people we COULD be trying to communicate with via Derek Acorah and televised seances….actually, yeah: Michael Jackson’s probably the only one who would show up anyway.
Once again, the British show America how television is done.
I’ll only believe that if Michael Jackson shows up, gives a performance from beyond the grave, then Simon Cowell gives him hell for being too unoriginal.
Michael’s spirit lives on. You people are so ignorant.
Well the only thing that could make me watch is MJ possessing someone to sing “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’ ” Think about it. That would be fun.
i’m hoping they’re actually just airing that South Park episode where Ike sees dead celebrities
“If you’re like other Americans you love to eat Chipotle, but you hate all those terrible blood stains in your underwear. Well now there’s a solution!”
CHIPOTLE-AWAY!
I would watch if he possessed someone and then made out with Whoopi Goldberg.
That’s right, I busted out a Ghost reference y’all!
This is dead good. I’ve been desperate to know all those musings that Michael kept to himself. “I wonder what washing powder he liked best?” I used to wonder. Thank god there is no longer nothing i can’t find out about my most favourite celebrities!
Oh Gabe! I so LIVE for your snark!
I can’t believe Sky 1 made room in their scheduling for this – where are the new slots for Simpson’s repeats and Road Wars 6? (Yes, I am aware 99% of people reading this won’t understand.)