Photos
Wussup ninja turtles,
You’re not going to believe this dudes, and girls who are serious about finding their own voices and making a difference in this world: it’s a new New Moon trailer, and Taylor Lautner is in it, and um, HELLO, MCFLY, he like totally talks about his character and all the emotional depths and everything. Crystal Pepsi! It’s like, Excuse me, Mr. Lautner, could you stop talking for a second so that I can put my eyes back in my head and also clean my jaw off the floor.
“L.O.V.E.”
–Ashlee Simpson
Some of the footage in the new trailer is totes old, like how grandpas and teachers are old. But some of it is supes new, and it just is so exciting. Bam Margera. MOM, GET OUT OF HERE, NO MOMS ALLOWED. I hope you guys brought a fresh pair of pants, because this is the whole reason that our bodies are changing.
OH MY G, DID YOU SEE THAT? BELLA WAS LIKE “SHOVE,” AND THE WEREWOLVES WERE LIKE “HAHA,” AND TAYLOR LAUTNER WAS LIKE “THE LENGTH OF MY HAIR MAKES IT VERY DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO PLACE ANY OF THIS FOOTAGE INTO ANY TYPE OF CHRONOLOGICAL CONTEXT.”
“New Moon is a lot more complicated than Twilight was.”
–Taylor Lautner’s Tombstone*
I’m tearing down all of my Nick Cannon posters, and I am putting up New Moon posters. Because I’m wild’n out over this.
*Mega JK, we will all live forever.
 |
 |
Wait why didn’t anyone tell me that the Twilight Girl Character builds a cabin in NARNIA!? First in line!
Werewolves with six-packs? 5 kph motorcycle crashes? Red eyes on EVERY minor character?
Clearly humanity has reached its creative peak.
You wouldn’t see Gwyneth doing this would you?
Professor Supercuts here, Chair of the Department of Wig Studies. There are some hair continuity problems in this trailer that no amount of sparkling will remedy.
Also, this trailer is “sorta beautiful”. It’s “stepped up a-whole-nother notch”.
I’m gonna need more more sparkles to wash down all this UGH I’m choking back.
But seriously, OMGDAKOTAFANNING, u guyz!
He gained 30 pounds, lost some of his hair and drives a motorcycle? I guess he’s around 46 in werewolf years.
I bet earrings and Ed Hardy t-shirts are somehow also involved, along with some bitch at home with 8 werepuppies.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
ditto. I’ll probably go see this in the theatre, because at the drafthouse you can get DRUNK, but I don’t think I can contribute money and feel good about myself. I might have to buy a ticket for something else and sneak in, 16 year old style.
Aw, man. I love the Drafthouse. Makes me wish I lived in Austin.
the website listed is goteamjacob.com I just…I can’t…her skidding out with a tiny thump is considered action? a 16year old has been given 30 pounds of steroids? Also, the hair on the boy? I like to think that it starts short and gets long overnight instead of the other way around.
Well, I like to think that it retreated back into his scalp (because you can’t cut werewolf hair? fur?) like millions of little retractable dog leashes.
I’m pretty sure I had a barbie like that when I was yonger? Hopefully their gentalia are different.
RE: the gentalia thing… Based on these trailers, I’m thinking not.
All vampirism aside… I’m just happy to be addressed as a “ninja turtle” rather than the accepted “monster”. A nice morale boost at 9:30 in the morning.
“You’re sort of beautiful” But not as beautiful as R-Patz obvs. He is totes the most beautiful person ever I want to have his babies. R-Patz+Josh is like Germany 4 EVEA N’ EVEA
From now on, I too will randomly insert “Crystal Pepsi!” into my sentences when talking to people younger than me. Gotta compensate for that receding hairline somehow.
When is the girl going to have a crush on a race of Frankenberries?
Jesus Christ, does Bella actually do anything in any of these movies besides being constantly saved/almost murdered by various mythological creatures, falling off motorcycles, falling into various bodies of water, and generally being startled? I demand a parody in which Bella is “played” by a blow-up doll.
done.
http://robertisbothered.com/
BINGO! That is exactly what Bella is. A clean, Mormonized version of a blow-up doll. Dumb and willing to blow vampires. …?
Wow is it just me or does the part @ 0:48 sound of one of those late night ExtenZe infomercials? “He’s a lot bigger, he’s 30 lbs bigger *smirk*”
So I guess werewolves are allergic to shirts?
I wish Maryann would just show up and turn all these jerks into soufflés.
Oops! No more sequels.
GODDAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!! Why does every adult have to talk down to teenagers and act like you know what we want to hear? I can tell that who’s writing this article is an adult and doesn’t know what we teens want!!! Everytime I see things like this I just flip my lid back (look it up, dad!) hop on my Segway (rad,) score a mountain of blow (pure colombian!) and hire a hooker off of whom to do the blow. That’s wassup, old man! Dudical.
i just hope theres lots of CGI in it, i really need my CGI-fix, pronto.
YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. SEEK HELP.
I thought that I’d find the follow-up Zowie Bowie ‘Moon’ trailer here, and then this happened.
Fortunately there’s a real Moon trailer elsewhere: http://bit.ly/ek6b8
Bella: “BUMBLEBEEEEE”
I still can’t get over that ware-puppy. HES ISH SO QUOOT! (I saw that my 12 year old niece typed like that. I’m not pleased about it.)
OMG the invasion of the totally cute, shirtless men, I’ll be in the bathroom… writing on my diary…
Last week, I tried reading the Twilight. (I thought the Bonne Bell-belipped Tiger Beat reader still lurking in my heart might find some guilty pleasure in it.) I got up to page 8 and knew I couldn’t waste another second of my life on that nonsense. Our time on this precious earth is all too brief.
Seriously. People made it sound like it was so bad it was funny, but it was just bad.
Dang. Kristin Stewart really highsided off that motorcycle. Wear a helmet kids.
As a gay man, I have a sneaking suspicion that “Team Jacob” is the new “Friend of Dorothy.” I have no doubt he’ll be there for you as a friend, Bella!
What’s with the lame “Don’t get me upset” — like they wish they could have used “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry” but couldn’t because of copyright?
“Don’t get my upset. You wouldn’t like me when I’m upset.”
It seems being a werewolf actually takes hair off your chest.
I both crapped and jizzed my pants at the same time. My body is obviously confused.
Hey dude! Fist pump! Don’t worry! We’re fifteen! This is the age where our bodies are changing and doing new and exciting things! Radical! At least that’s what our health teacher said, but I’m pretty sure you were the one in the back of the class reading the latest Seventeen magazine about the Jonas Brothers, drinking a Rockstar, and flicking wads of paper at the back of people’s heads, ’cause that’s what the cool cats do, so I’m not sure you caught it. But anyhow, don’t do drugs ’cause then your body’ll spin waaaay out of control, like trippin’ balls! (do do drugs.)
TWILIGHT 4 LYFE
Hey dude! Fist pump! Don’t worry! We’re fifteen! This is the age where our bodies are changing and doing new and exciting things! Radical! At least that’s what our health teacher said, but I’m pretty sure you were the one in the back of the class reading the latest Seventeen magazine about the Jonas Brothers, drinking a Rockstar, and flicking wads of paper at the back of people’s heads, ’cause that’s what the cool cats do, so I’m not sure you caught it. But anyhow, don’t do drugs ’cause then your body’ll spin waaaay out of control, like trippin’ balls! (do do drugs.)
TWILIGHT 4 LYFE
uggh, double post. I swear man, it was my mom’s fault.
I’m seriously considering putting a sign above my apartment door that says NO MOMS ALLOWED now.
i wonder if the werewolves have flea long hair is the perfect hide out