Check out this poster for Ashton Kutcher’s new romantic comedy, Spread, ladies. What do you think? IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT? This poster has clearly gone to the Whatever Works School of Movie Poster Design. Put your divisive lead actor on the poster with his arms spread wide and let the ladies choose. What’ll it be?! IS FUCKING AN ANNOYED-LOOKING DEMI MOORE-ERA ASHTON KUTCHER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY IN A SWIMMING POOL WHILE HE STILL HAS HIS SUNGLASSES ON SOMETHING THAT YOU WANT OR ISN’T IT? We do not have all day to sit around and wait for you to make up your mind, says this poster.
Wait a second, Anne Heche is in this? Ashton Kutcher and Anne Heche on the screen together at long last?! I haven’t felt heat like this since Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Or since HEAT! Get it? Heat/Heat? You get it. Ashton Kutcher and Anne Heche are the low-budget romantic comedy equivalent of Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro. Sparks are gonna’ fly! Literally, it is as appealing as watching Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro having sex. I guess I’m just assuming that Ashton Kutcher and Anne Heche have sex in this movie. Ugh, and also imagining it. Fuck you, this movie.
In any case, I will leave you to make up your own mind about WHETHER OR NOT THIS POSTER IS YOUR DREAM FANTASY OF DREAMS but I would just like to point out that personally I liked it better when it was the poster for The Secret of My Success. (Via MTV.)