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gabe: lindsay, why don’t you care about watchmen?
lindsay: Because I don’t like movies about superheroes.
lindsay: we’ve been over this
gabe: but don’t you care about AMERICA?
gabe: this is a cultural event
gabe: like Harry Potter
lindsay: hahaha
gabe: or when Rachel Ray invented EVOO
gabe: you just kind of have to face it
gabe: don’t you want to know what everyone’s talking about at the water cooler
lindsay: Says the guy who saw Slumdog last weekend?
gabe: touche
lindsay: Well, as you know
lindsay: I enjoyed Wanted
lindsay: even though THAT was terrible
gabe: ?
lindsay: I mean, it’s a movie based on a comic book that was over the top and terrible
gabe: watchmen is not over the top and terrible at all
gabe: the book, at least
lindsay: I meant the movie.
lindsay: so I guess, if I were a bored person, I could enjoy watchmen
lindsay: I’m pretty sure it’s over the top
lindsay: The spoiler my friend just told me about it that you won’t let me tell you
lindsay: even though it’s a five word description of a scene that doesn’t ruin anything
lindsay: proves to me that it has to be over the top, because it sounds like the most unintentionally funny scene ever.
lindsay: it would be so funny if my “spoiler” is about the naked blue guy. Just his existence. Like that’s what I think a spoiler is.
gabe: once you accept the premise of superhoes as a thing
gabe: it’s pretty serious bizness
gabe: NO SPOILERS
gabe: just because you don’t like having fun
lindsay: Gabe
gabe: doesn’t mean you have to ruin it for the rest of us
lindsay: that is the one thing everyone knows
gabe: NOT EVERYONE, PROFESSOR
lindsay: the children of Darfur know about the naked blue guy
gabe: his name is Mister Manhattan, SHOW SOME RESPECT
gabe: i bet you would go see Watchmen if it had Paul Rudd or Jason Segel in it
gabe: you would have bought your tickets weeks ago
gabe: if everything about it was exactly the same, but it had one of your boy dreams in it
gabe: you would be there
gabe: out in your Catwoman costume
gabe: “hey guys, I’m catwoman!”
lindsay: haha!
gabe: “mrowwwwr”
lindsay: well, those guys would not do a bad movie (now)
lindsay: (ahem)
gabe: wait a second
lindsay: (over her dead body was before the apatow craze)
gabe: hold on
lindsay: they would read the script and trash it if it was bad
lindsay: I trust that.
gabe: ugh
gabe: your blind dedication to them
gabe: is disgusting
gabe: what is this, NORTH KOREA?
gabe: our glorious leader Jason Segel
gabe: it’s sick
gabe: go to the hospital
lindsay: Says the guy who is really upset about the watchmen maybe not being good
lindsay: you are the one with blind dedication
lindsay: sir
lindsay: But yeah, I probably would see it
lindsay: but they’re not in it
gabe: wait, who is upset?
lindsay: DEAD DENNY FROM GREY’S ANATOMY IS.
lindsay: I rest my case.
gabe: what’s grey’s anatomy?
gabe: also ANSWER ME, LADY
gabe: who is upset about the watchmen maybe not being good?
gabe: you think i give a shit?
lindsay: You
gabe: i’m 54 years old
gabe: i mean, i want it to be good
lindsay: you’re like “don’t distract me with any details no matter how minor because it will ruin the magnificent filmgoing experience.”
gabe: obviously i want everything to be good
lindsay: “wah wah wah”
lindsay: well, yeah
lindsay: everyone wants everything to be good
gabe: it just usually isn’t
gabe: that’s not my fault
gabe: but i’m wholly prepared for watchmen to be bad
gabe: i know what kind of world we live in
gabe: that doesn’t mean i need my viewing of the movie to be ruined by Spoiler Pants Robertson
gabe: let the movie ruin itself
lindsay: But the thing I know about it is so funny!
gabe: ugh
gabe: says the lady who owns Waiting
lindsay: that’s an intentional comedy
gabe: i’m just pointing it out as evidence of the fact that sometimes you don’t know what the hell you are talking about
gabe: you’re probably secretly a total jeff dunhamhead
lindsay: he’s the new Andy Kaufman.
lindsay: jk
lindsay: but that would be funny if I thought that.
gabe: haha
lindsay: it’s performance art!
gabe: if jeff dunham was in watchmen
gabe: you’d be at the front of the line
gabe: in your sailor moon costume
gabe: “hey guys, i’m sailor moon!”
gabe: –lindsay robertson, midnight showing of Jeff Dunham’s Watchmen
gabe: but don’t you have that thing where you want to know what people are talking about?
gabe: even if it’s not immediately interesting to you
gabe: don’t you want to be part of TEAM AMERICA?
lindsay: yes, but I don’t want to be the sucker
lindsay: every time I’ve seen a movie because it was big or going to be big, I’ve been the sucker
lindsay: who wasted two hours
gabe: what, no way
gabe: how are you a sucker, though?
lindsay: next week if everyone is making watchmen jokes that I don’t get
lindsay: maybe I’ll think about it
lindsay: the first people to see a bad built-up movie?
gabe: for seeing a movie that everyone is seeing in order to understand the cultural conversation?
lindsay: are the suckers
gabe: oh, i don’t agree
gabe: at all
lindsay: i don’t know who you’re hanging out with, but I’m personally not going to be ostracized if I wait a week to see watchmen.
lindsay: are you hanging out with middle school boys?
gabe: don’t worry about who i’m hanging out with
lindsay: are they going to tease you if you don’t get their watchmen catchphrases?
gabe: no one is going to be ostracized
gabe: “the boys” as i like to call them, are all really respectful
gabe: we just get yoohoos and rap
gabe: rap about what we thought
lindsay: I will see it if people say it’s definitely worth seeing
lindsay: hahahahaha
lindsay: in rap sessions?
gabe: we just turn our chairs around backwards
gabe: the only two movies that i know of
gabe: that you have enthusiastically gone to see in the past year
gabe: on opening weekend
lindsay: hahaha
gabe: are The Happening
gabe: and He’s Just Not That INto You
lindsay: those were social experiences though, esp the second one. And I saw a lot more movies than that on opening weekend!
gabe: awwww
gabe: no one will go with you?
gabe: lindsay, you can come see the watchmen with me
lindsay: I’m not buying nine people tickets to the watchmen this weekend
lindsay: hahaha
gabe: buying nine people tickets?
lindsay: I mean, trying to organize that many people
gabe: you shouldn’t be buying anyone tickets
gabe: we’re all adults here
lindsay: for a movie that has long lines already?
lindsay: forget about it
gabe: i see what the problem is now
lindsay: I’m a grown up
lindsay: with a five at a time netflix plan
lindsay: (a dodge stratus!)
gabe: you are just makign up excuses now
lindsay: I saw those movies BECAUSE they were dumb
lindsay: it was a silly fun thing to do
gabe: right
lindsay: I don’t want to see a movie that people are really Serious About
gabe: as opposed to the intense seriousness
lindsay: and ruin it by laughing the whole time
lindsay: ANYWAY, back to the amazing five-word scene description that is so unbelievably perfect as a scene that could only be in a bad movie that it defies imagination.
gabe: NO SPOILERS, CATWOMAN
gabe delahaye has signed off.
lindsay: Spoiler alert: there’s a scene in the movie that is (highlight to see):
a three minute sex scene set to “Hallelujah.”
lindsay: Ha!
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AHAHAHA! That IS funny!
If that spoiler alert is true, then O…M…G… What is this, “The O.C.”?
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Pretty much any scene with that (blank) in it is hilarious.
Now THAT’S a fight.
A+ Lindsay! I almost want to see the movie for that (SPOILER). And your argument vs seeing this movie is totally understood: I hate Family Guy. Is there anything more referenced in our “culture?” Blarg.
That was a great fight.
But Lindsay – Patrick Wilson! That’s the only reason I’ve agreed to be dragged along. And this one at least looks like it will suck less than Wanted.
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I always thought Dr. Manhattan would look better with denim cut-offs.
FTW!
reference to ad, watchmen and suckiness of the movie adaptation. coolest guy ever, is that you?
Dr. Manhattan, analrapist.
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Honestly, while that something IS, on the face of it, completely ridic, it’s also totally in keeping with the tone of the comic, esp. in regards to the thing that something is related to.
My recommendations: If you read the book and enjoyed it, by all means go see it. I thought they did the best job possible.
Before you go, find out what a Watchman is. Do research. Don’t spoil the whole thing (even though it’s a 24-year-old book), but know what you’re getting into.
Watchmen is directed by Zach “The Hack” Snyder and, so obviously, is aggressively mediocre. That is, except for the basic story line – which he can take no credit for. As shown in his fascist cartoon 300, he has three speeds as a director: gratuitous, corny and boring. That Hallelujah scene alone would take any good movie down a letter grade.
that scene is hilarious.
“we just turn our chairs around backwards”
my pants = peed in
Lindsay won this at: “Says the guy who saw Slumdog last weekend?”
And then took a victory lap with the spoiler.
Lindsay won, but I did enjoy Gabe’s “Mister Manhattan” easter-egg for the superfans.
Its intentionally supposed to be funny/ridiculous if youre familiar with the graphic novel and understand that the character can only achieve erection after wearing his costume. And yeah, the scene preceding it when a character throws boiling hot vegetable oil into someones face and body burning his skin off is also supposed to be funny. I mean, I laughed.
IT’S TRUE and HILARIOUS!
I giggled as the porny bassline began – laughed out loud at “I didn’t come to fool ya.”
Ugh, movie was three shades of suck. Save for the spoiler scene, there should be an MTV award for that kind of work.
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Why do the morons always post multiple times? It’s fucking epidemic.
Ok, everybody say this together:
“But the TV said you were on Mars!”
I just saw Watchmen for reasons that were not “I want to go see Watchmen”. I almost thought that the spoiler scene wasn’t going to happen, but it was unfortunately very real. I will never see another comic book movie again. Unless it stars Michael Cera because I am an 18 year old girl.
seriously folks. don’t go see the movie. read the book instead.
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Perhaps!
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ROFL. I am reconsidering my aversion to Watchmen just for that spoiler.