Hi, I’m Padma Lakshmi.
You might know me from cable television’s Top Chef, or as the ex-wife of Salman Rushdie. Remember when I was married to that guy? Everyone was like “Whuuuut?! Why are you married to this guy? He looks like Gollum from the Lord of the Rings fantasy books.” It is true that he did used to call me “my precious,” but as a wise man once said, love is a many funny things.
Today I want to talk to you about something different: the great taste of Hardee’s Bacon Western Thickburgers. Hardee’s bacon cheeseburgers are some of the finest bacon cheeseburgers in America. And I should know, I’m drunk! Seriously, you guys, I am so drunk right now. I’m basically an alcoholic. But you know what else I am? A Hardee’s Bacon Western Thickburgeraholic! If it was possible to abuse these things the way I abuse alcohol, I would.
Obviously, I’ve never actually eaten a Hardee’s Bacon Western Thickburger. Come on, now. Me? I’m Padma Lakshmi, from cable television’s Top Chef. I used to be married to Salman Rushdie. Pay attention. I’m like the Indian Gwyneth Paltrow.
But I will tell you what I have done. I have sat on a set of fake steps and stared at a Hardee’s bacon cheeseburger like I was about to fuck that bacon cheeseburger. I looked at that cheeseburger and in my head I was like, “I’m going to fuck your brains out, cheeseburger,” because that is how you sell cheeseburgers. People are going to see me and they are going to want to put cheeseburgers in their pants. Then Hardee’s gave me a check for money. I love money! It goes:
- Hardee’s Bacon Western Thickburgers
So, buy Hardee’s. Padma Lakshmi. Alcohol. Top Chef. Fatwa. (Via People.)