So last night Stephen Colbert showed up with a messed-up face on The Colbert Report, where he was cagey about the provenance of his stitches and shiners in a way that made everyone a lot more curious about it. Stephen celebrated the one-year anniversary of WristStrong (how convenient!) and blamed his face-bustedness on a vow he made to never again break a fall with his hands:
I know some people at Comedy Central so I asked them what the gossip was around the office, and they all came back with similar versions of the same shocking story:
“Stephen tripped over some cocaine and landed in a sharp pile of whores.”
Somewhere, Congressman Robert Wexler is rubbing his hands and smiling.