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No diggity! You got to bag it up!
Cool dudes and neat chicks who are all unique snowflakes, I know that more than budding young men and women we’re all just human beings on this planet who are 100 percent equal always, but today I need to keep it real just with the ladies, is that cool, fellas? You know you’re my homedogs, fellas! No sweat, Sherlock! But today I have something that I need to keep it real about with the young ladies in the hizouse. Oh snap!
Girls. Sorry, young women! I know that life is confusing right now. You’re going through mad changes in your body that are so wack. And with everyone always telling you what to do, it can be hard to discover who you really are. Diet Jamba Juice. But, I just want you to know that it’s going to be OK! You’re going to get through this transition period in your life and even though I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, when it’s all over, you’re going to be like Sasha Fierce! You might even have a baby!
The point is, I’ve seen your COMPLETELY INSANE text-based narrative YouTube videos (after the jump) set to weepy Strip Mall Lillith Fair 2.0 music telling “sad stories” about “guys and girls” and they are really hilarious to adults, but obviously really serious and IMPORTANT to you, and I’m just saying that’s cool. But one day you will look back on these INTENSELY RIDICULOUS videos and you will think “if only I could go back to that scared and confused little girl and tell her that one day she would have a job that she hated in an office that sucked the life from her, and a relationship that was a lot more work than she sometimes thought it was worth.”
Scrunchies!
There are literally a billion of these, ladies. You need to relax! Or at least learn how to spell basic words! Proper spelling is how you get a man to love you! Hannah Montana. (Thanks for the tip, Sachar.)
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Cheer up ladies! It?s almost Halloween!
My sister and I don’t see eye to eye on too many subjects, but one thing I know she’s ALWAYS game for is watching people dancing hilariously.
Pumpkinhead, SNL’s “What’s Up With That?” skit, hell, even Ice Cream and Cake and Cake. All good things.
No way, that pumpkin-headed dancer is wayyyy immature.
That second one is my favorite part of that video. Way to interpretive dance the Ghostbusters theme, pumpkin dude.
One time, as an experiment, my mom signed all her checks “Mr. Pumpkinhead” for a month. Nobody noticed.
Whenever one of the videos got too awful (all of the time), I just scrolled down and watched pumpkin head dance to the music. Interpretive-y!
Now I know why I like that second one so much- it reminds me of george when he’s listening to his own voice sing “where could he beeeee??”
This made my day.
“Ba-hahahaha!”
-The adults
The first one more or less just described the plot of Grease.
[x] ..What’s So Wrong..[x]
..//.. About Trying 2 ..//..
[x]..XPress UR Self?!?..[x]
xo- LMAO -xo
. .//. TTYL .//. .
This is why I hated the internet when I was a teenage girl. Because apparently there is a teen girl mailing list that sends you EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE THINGS until your eyes bleed.
“Proper spelling is how you get a man to love you! ”
Wrong! It’s letting them go to 3rd base. everyone knows that.
Diet Jamba Juice!
O, tragedy!
“Look I really Love u
but my friends dosent
like u
“Ther was this boy. He was married to this girl. They were in luv. They had a dog they loved very much. Because try as they might they could not conceive children of their own. Then one day as they were old and gray, the dog having gone long ago, the wife said to the husband, ‘remember that little dog? that was our son. he had hypertrichosis. I didn’t have the heart to tell you. (I SEE IT IN YOOOOOUR EYES, IN YOOOOOUR EYES YOU”LL BE ALLLLLLLLRIGHT)”
Can this be like a prepubescent mistakenly romantic version of creepypasta?
are they not teaching spelling and grammar anymore in school? or even basic sentence construction? that
oh goddamnit. i am officially too hungover to even be able to comment on the internet. halloween weekend: 1, my brain: 0. good start to going even more downhill. wheeeee.
I thought it was meta.
This is a true, sad story. You might cry. While I was watching these videos, my coworker intercommed me and said, “Could you please turn your sappy shit down?”
-xo then u intertexd the cowrkr back and were like “but we can still b frnds rite?” xo-
))<>(( then cowrdr intertexd back and sayd “i dunno u are playing sum r8lly wrd shit there, what the fck is up wit u rite now. ))<>((
-xo so i cried a bit n turnd down the music xo-
Do you have some sort of human-adult-to-teen-speak dictionary I could borrow?
I gtg noy Bye I love u!
Man, I would hate to be a middle/high school English teacher right now.
OMG, you are SUCH a SQUARE! Why don’t you and your face go back to Adult Corner, where you belong??!!?? Cross Colours Overalls!!!!! Jump!!!!
Oh, man. This would have been me 5 or 6 years ago. Except mine probably would have incorporated vampires and Good Charlotte somehow.
Also, I love the use of “’twas” in the third video. Sophisticated!
I remember going to the record store multiple times a week untill they finally had the Good Charlotte album. I still have no idea what I was thinking at the time!
one day she would have a job that she hated in an office that sucked the life from her, and a relationship that was a lot more work than she sometimes thought it was worth.
Oh, you’ve seen my narrative YouTube videos set to old Elliott Smith songs?
The combination of self-pity and need for attention reminds me of when Scott Thompson bought me drinks at a strip club so I’d reassure him that his underperforming novel about Buddy Cole was real literature akin to A Confederacy of Dunces.
Please tell me this is a true story, because I fucking owned that book, it was great!
This is a true story. All of today’s stories are true.
OH WOW. OH WOW. WOW.
Youtube comment on the motorcycle story:
sexybabeXbecca (2 days ago)
i would do this for? my bf (online bf we havent exactly met yet..) but i would do this for him to b alive all the same coz i love him and i have never felt about any1 the way i do about him!! love you alfredo (yeah go on laugh at his name i dont care!) well peace for now
and people say south park doesn’t matter anymore… http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/166192
(skip to 1:10 for the relevance)
Kids are kind of dumb.
Hey Rad Dudes, remember when your motorcycle didn’t have breaks. Why don’t you just be cool as ice and no use the accelerator and eventually slow down? No doy!
Sometime last month this actually happened in San Diego, except it was a Lexus SUV, not a motorcycle. The accelerator got stuck and using the breaks only created friction so strong there were flames in the wheel wells. The car crashed into the median at 100+mph, killing the family inside.
I just made myself sad. I need to watch that Pumpkinhead gif again.
But then how would he get the bad-ass motorcycle grave?
[xo]Gabe, did you randomly choose these or did you watch them all and post the ones that touched you the most?[xo]
I’m too lazy to watch all these, so I started the last one and skipped to a random part. It said “The Girl waited on MSN all night.” I stopped the video because that was enough.
Were these all created by Eastern European teens whose keyboards are so full of accent marks that they ran out of room for apostrophes/quotation marks?
Wait, I don’t get the second one. I mean yeah, that was an incredibly selfless thing to do (assuming it’s all true), but wouldn’t it have been easier to let go of the gas, eventually slow to a stop, and not drive into the side of a building? Or at the very least, the building part? I feel like buildings are pretty easy to avoid most of the time.
oXo were [going] to fast oXo
-title of mella’s memoir
and, since no one else has taken the bait, re the last video: in england they call sad text you tube videos lorries.
Holla for the Midwest Teen Korner, cause only THIS will make you feel better. Don’t even try to fight it.
Ladies and gentlemen, from the music section on the profile of the author who brought us the touching video entitled “Sad… You Might Cry…(whose username is Rockngurl1kittyluv, I might add):
“Music
The Who *now my fav band*…”
I just died inside a little.
I, too, have been receiving a lot of messages on my answerphone.
I have a theory that, thanks to the internet, bad grammar and spelling are increasing exponentially because people are seeing more misspellings than ever and incorporating them into their writing… I found three typos on one page in my local paper today without even looking very hard (substituting “they’re” for “their”, etc.). I think its only going too get worse OK bye xo.
So the guy in the second video is such a hero because he gave his girlfriend his helmet? What kind of asshole would start out wearing a helmet while his girlfriend didn’t have one in the first place?
Oh no.
IrishPotato09 was all like:
“I’ve? Lost Two Cousins, An Aunt, My Best Friend (Then Anyway) And Two Other Good Friends In Car Accidents. No, It’s Not Fun, But That’s Not What My Argument Is About.
Come Up With A Valid Argument On Your Part And Then Get Back To Me.”
And then Sammi051398 was like:
My brother died in a car crash so I know what It’s like loosing someone your close to and its’s not very fun! Maybe you should try it sometime!”
So, you know. IrishPotato should try losing some close relative in accidents. Again. For argument’s sake.
Oh, man. Spelling mistakes and missing quotation marks abound. Can we just pretend I was getting into character? P3RFECT GRE4T!
XO this is a true story (you might cry) XO
XO There was a videogum commenter called Funtastik who made a very funny joke. So many lolz. XO
XO Unfortunately, they made the comment so late that nobody got to share the lolz. XO
Sniff LOL. Tha saddest part of tht storee was dat u didn’t no my gendurr. I’m A dUdE! L0L Annn now u kno
)) Hheheheh “they”. 
(Typing like this is so fucking exhausting.)
I was 90% sure that was the case. Popcorn is fairly masculine.
‘TWAS.
That last video is a relic from ancient times. You can tell of the grainy, silent movie style quality. And because it’s from Britain. HE WAS GOING TO AMERICA FOR BETTER QUALITY YOUTUBES