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Posted on May 12th, 2008 by Gabe
104 Comments
Earlier today, I launched the Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time. The ground rules are simple:
- It cannot be intentionally horrible.
- It must have at least one A- or B-list movie star in it. (no “outsider art.”)
- It cannot be Glitter.
- It has to have had a theatrical release.
So far, these are the nominees I’ve received:
- The Road to Wellville
- Passion Fish
- Lady in the Water
- Heaven’s Gate
- Rush Hour 3
- Shopgirl
- Strangeland
Why do I feel like I somehow just Double Dogged myself? I’m saving Lady In The Water for last because it would be weird to find The Worst Movie Of All Time on my first try. If you have a suggestion for TWMOAT, please leave it in the comments, or email me. I will watch suggested movies and write about them here, and we will get to the dark bottom of this together.
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whipped
i nominate Ellin’s Phat Beach because one could argue that Coolio was at least b-list at the time (1996). i saw it at the drive in. well, part of it.
Autumn in New York
i Have a few:
Battlefield Earth (Duh)
The Hottie and the Nottie (read: any Paris Hilton Movie)
Bloodrayne (read: any Uwe Boll movie)
can i nominate two? i saw this one (Robbins’ THE PERFECT SCORE, 2004, starring scar jo plus the chick from traffic and the NBA’s darius miles) massively high in queens while a bunch of teenage dudes threw shit and called each other faggots:
http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi250741017/
Starship Troopers
But that’s a good movie, or at the very least an interesting movie. It’s a commentary on America’s obsession with glorified militant violence, AND an exploration of the origins of fascism. Definitely not the worst movie ever made.
last one, i swear. the obvious one from this year: TEN THOUSANDS BC!!! my latest walker-outer (my first was THE LADIES MAN. sorry, tim meadows).
seriously horrible, top to bottom. not really believing what i’d seen, i read all the hilarious rotten tomatoes reviews the next day. many critics flirted with the idea that it was bad on purpose, but really, it was just bad. loudly and consistently mocked by its paying audience (united artists court st. son!)
Is camilla belle b-list yet? i think she is.
You have single-handedly suggested a billion movies. Please pick one for now.
i’m providing you with so much user-generated content, and this is the thanks i get. how many refreshs will your loyal readers press. how many dollars.
fine, i pick Phat Beach.
Little Nicky or Deep Blue Sea
stardust with robert downey jr and claire danes and michelle pfeiffer, etc. how could so many good actors agree to be in a movie that is so, so bad?
nah, not wellville. that was bad but not holy-shit awful.
the crow: city of angels is often overlooked, despite staring Iggy Pop (AND Ian Dury) and being pee-in-your-own-mouth unhappy.
oops, meant robert de niro not downey jr. stupid iron man..
From Justin to Kelly, or if you don’t consider Kelly Clarkson/Justin Guarini stars, Two Weeks Notice.
Shopgirl is one of my favorites! Do I have awful taste? Anyway, Down with Love was truly the worst movie of all time ever.
I, too, enjoyed “Shopgirl” and am very confused about why it was nominated. Was this a consensus decision or did just one dude send you an e-mail asking it to be nominated?
Uptown Girls made me want to die.
Swept Away! The worst!
boat trip. i win.
AVP or AVP:R
I remember when I saw AVP:R, my friends wanted to see that instead of Juno. So we did…I was so angry for the rest of the night.
Ooh, and don’t forget Half past dead! Ja Rule and Steven Seagul *shudder*
Baby Geniuses!
North
Double Jeopardy
The Life of David Gale
The Underground Comedy Movie
Juwanna Mann
Love Stinks
…to name a few
Troll 2.
It’s epic.
Is this supposed to be for movies that have come out in the last ten years or so? Because the worst movie I’ve ever seen was Troll 2 but that came out in 1990. It also happens to be hilarious. Or Running Free (1994) which is about a kid who befriends a wolverine. There are two explosions in it. TWO. And the kid shown on the cover is not the kid in the movie.
More recently though… Dragon Wars? Who knew dragons fighting in downtown Los Angeles could be so dull?
If i had to pick one, I would submit Running Free. Good luck finding it though, I saw it on a VHS that my friend found in the free section of a garage sale.
CRUEL INTENTIONS
Gone Fishin’ with Joe Pesci and Danny Devito was monumentally bad.
i meant Danny Glover, although with Devito the short obnoxious italian quota would certainly be filled.
SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 . For real.
Or Gigli, which although awful is a good make out movie because their is no way you can actually watch the movie.
Anything with Ben Affleck…take your pick.
Southland Tales, though I wouldn’t be surprised if on some level this movie was intentionally awful. No movie can be this bad, right?
Alternates:
Matrix 3
Tadpole
Dan In Real Life
I think the worst movies are the ones that try to be great and fail totally. Like when they were making them, someone on set thought to themselves ?well, the question at this point is how many Oscars will we win?. I could put Troll 2 or Batman and Robin on here, but I can’t believe anyone thought those would be good.
In the future:
Love Guru. I saw a sneak peek screening. Wow. You see, the joke is, many words and phrases sound like they are related to genitals. If you don’t get it in the first five minutes, that’s OK, there are another 85 minutes to catch on. And four sequels. I know no one thinks it will win an Oscar, but Mike Meyers still has a lot of good will that he is about to burn through in 90 laugh free minutes.
“Passion Fish”? Someone nominated “Passion Fish”??? Now I will admit it isn’t one of my favorite movies, but seriously dude…it’s not even close to the worst movie of the year. The “I Never Asked for the Anal Probe” scene save it from horribleness. Seriously.
So my advice is…take off “Passion Fish” and add the following…
-”Dreamcatcher” (ass aliens!)
-”Baby Geniuses”
-”From Justin to Kelly”
Watch and enjoy!
Kazaam.
Seriously…Kazaam
Tommy. Tommy is awful.
Tommy and Miami Vice.
Mission Impossible 2. Doves AND fire in the same shot.
And someone really suggested Starship Troopers? That movie was glorious.
Rudy!
Rudy!
Rudy or I Am Sam or any movie where an a-/b+ actor plays a challenged person.
worst movie last year? i know who killed me (gosh, and beating spiderman 3)
worst trilogy ever? pirates of the carribean
worst genre? modern spoof movies (epic movie, scary movie)
worst movie ever? anaconda
I nominated The Number 23.
City of Angels
The Village
Buffalo Soldiers
Love Actually
Troll 2, despite its awfulness, didn’t have any real stars in it. I am going to have have to agree with the other commenters and say either one of the Baby Genius movies is the Worst Movie of All Time.
Miami Vice..
They spent the entire movie loading guns into the trucks of different vehicles. Then they hit the side of the knuckles in like a “lets do this”moment. My friends and i affectionately refer to this as sideknucks and do it to this day in honor of this crap fest.
The Wicker Man. Nic Cage was never worse. It took me a week to finally make it through the entire film and I have hated myself ever since.
SHOWGIRLS. Kyle MacLachlan is somewhere around the B-list, right?
Well, first off, Kyle MacLachlan is A-list in my book. But SHOWGIRLS? No way. That movie is one of the funniest things ever created. It’s far too enjoyable to watch.
Beyond Borders.
Angelina Jolie and Clive Owen.
Does to international relief workers what “Pearl Harbor” did to well… Pearl Harbor
Evil Alien Conquerors.
If you can count Diedrich Bader, Chris Parnell, and Michael Weston as at least B-list.
I love stupid movies especially the ones that try to be stupid, but this movie is plain awful.
Ellie Parker with Naomi Watts
WRONG!
Wild Wild West.
I have for the most part blocked the memory of this movie from my mind, but come on…
Giant robotic steam-engine spider taking over 1800s America???
Let’s not forget that this movie also dared to bill Kenneth Branaugh as a crazed evil scientist named “Dr. Arliss Loveliss”
For shame.
Can’t Stop the Music is, I suspect, not intentionally terrible or at least not as intentionally terrible as it actually is. Same for From Justin to Kelly, which isn’t even the fun kind of bad. Also, Biodome is the only movie I’ve ever walked out of.
A CRACK IN THE FLOOR starring Gary Busey and Mario Lopez. I understand these may not be A- or B- list, but please for the love of god watch this movie if not just for this line from AC Slater re: the benefits of being a noseless man: “At least when he’s 69′in a chick his nose won’t get stuck in her pooper.”
Um, The Brown Bunny.
Batman and Robin.
The Boondock Saints.
Apparently all the bad movies start with B.
Just kidding! You could also count The Island, Gigli, I Know Who Killed Me, Love Actually (blech), Napoleon Dynamite, Superman IV, and um…. War.
Sleeping With the Enemy, starring Oscar winner Julia Roberts and what-the-fuck-ever-happened-to Patrick Bergin.
the house of spirits. it has everyone in it: winona ryder, glenn close, meryl streep, antonio benderas, and jeremy irons.
also, it assraped the book it was adapted from, which i loved dearly. that made it personal.
If you can, find a copy of “The Apple”… its a musical from the early 80’s… and it is mindblowingly AWESOMELY awful! It’s seriously the best ‘awful’ movie ever… better than Showgirls, better than Glitter… I’m not exaggerating even a little. This movie has brought so much joy into my life, and everyone I have watch it with absolutely loves it. Its the most ridiculous thing you have ever seen, and it takes itself sooooo seriously, which is the best part. It has a small cult following, but it definitely needs to be elevated… it’s amazing that such a movie was even made.
I’ll second “Batman & Robin” — it’s not even fun-bad, it’s just unpleasant. (If camp is defined as “failed seriousness”, then “Batman & Robin” is failed camp.) “Gigli” is eye-hurtingly boring– the kind of a movie that would actually be improved if it were “Tyler Perry’s Gigli”. “The Apple”, however, is — like “Showgirls” — way too much fun to be the worst movie of all time.
And to add to the list: “Quigley”. A children’s film in which Gary Busey dies and comes back to life as a Pomeranian. Imagine if someone had tried to make “Oh Heavenly Dog!” but without the same amount of starpower or wit.
Count 2 for Gary Busey (A Crack in the Floor)
Kickboxer (Jean-Claude Van Damme) – in your research you will see that Jean-Claude wrote it with another guy who ended up producing it, and the plotline and pacing is so ridiculous that I can’t even put into words how bad it is unless I want to waste my life today doing so.
Bloodsport was actually great because it produced a cult following with its many quirky, quotable lines.
Okay, I admit I enjoy Troll 2, so instead I nominate…. Crossroads.
You’re welcome.
How about the Nutty Professor 2: The Klumps? A sad waste of Eddie Murphy’s hilarity
How about Nutty Professor 2: The Klumps? A sad waste of Eddie Murphy’s hilarity
i CAN’T BELIEVE that no one has mentioned BIO-DOME. chum on.
MR. WRONG with Ellen DeGeneres and Bill Pullman. Dreadful.
Actually I liked “Heaven’s Gate.” I understand why it was awful, but I still liked it.
I nominate “The Swimming Pool.” Oh, and yeah, “Open Water.” Yechh.
I second Uptown Girls, and also suggest Cat in the Hat
There are so many bad movies that it’s hard to narrow them down to the worst. That said, I will at least nominate one movie that recently came out that I was not surprisingly disappointed at: Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skulls. Terrible movie.
Also, Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny
Mario Lopez is just awesome
Krippendorf’s Tribe
In order of badness [worst first]:
Powder. Albino kid with supernatural abilities picked on in high school?
Sin City. The fact that Tarantino, Rodriguez and Frank Miller are involved don’t save it.
My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Windex isn’t funny, no matter how many times you use it for what ails you. Neither is being Greek. Or being in love with one.
What if you’re in love with a window washer that likes gyros?
Two of the biggest pieces of cinematic crapola I can think of:
Lifeforce
Howard The Duck
It’s amazing that anyone at the studios would’ve been dumb enough to sign off on these, Truly amazing.
what about “Boat Trip”….?
oh dude i like AVP waaaay better than Juno?
How about wild wild west with will smith and that giant robot spider. Coyote Ugly, not because it’s a chick flick, but because it was just awful.
It would have to be Napoleon Dynamite or About Schmidt.
The Illusionist. I don’t need to see Ed Norton dressed like a sideshow warlock trying to bring back an image of Jessica Biel. That’s what Google is for. Terrible movie.
norbit.
Take a look at a movie called “The Suburbans”. It has Will Ferell, Ben Stiller, Jerry Stillery, Craig Bierko, and Jennifer Love Hewitt. It’s an utter abomination to filmdom.
i have to nominate dr jekyll and ms hyde
its a 14% on RT
OK – here are the movies that have most made me cringe (that have not been reviewed yet, or I’d begin with Hudson Hawk)_…
1. Leonard Pt. 6
2. The Anniversary Party (I had to sit on my hands to keep from poking out my own eyes with my thumbs)
3. Speed 2: Cruise Control
4. Destiny Turns on the Radio
5. Dancer in the Dark. Yeah, it was big indie hit with Bjork and all, but I still demanded my money back when I saw it in LA, along with about 1/2 the audience.
Indian Summer, worst movie of all time.
Nothing But Trouble
V.I. Warshawski
Bulletproof Monk……just terrible….
As a kiss-and-make-up resolution after we settled a lover’s quarrel my girlfriend and I went to the Studio 35 for a movie, her treat. It was “Sibling Rivalry” starring Kirstie Alley of Cheers and Carrie Fisher of the Star Wars movies. Only minutes into the film I could tell that it would be a dud. I truly needed to use the restroom and I intentionally stayed there for over 30 minutes. When I came to the show the plot and story had gotten even more unfunny and depressing than ever. I couldn’t believe that this piece of trash was released as a “comedy”. EVERYTHING about it was horrible. Even the “mandatory” sex action/scene was HORRIBLE. When we got into my Ford I was shouting, I couldn’t help it. I was ready to break things. I hated every minute of it. Also, “Vamp” starring Grace Jones is an ugly, disgusting flick. Even now thinking about it makes me want to hurl. It’s unwatchable.
As a kiss-and-make-up resolution after we settled a lover’s quarrel my girlfriend and I went to the Studio 35 for a movie, her treat. It was “Sibling Rivalry” starring Kirstie Alley of Cheers and Carrie Fisher of the Star Wars movies. Only minutes into the film I could tell that it would be a dud. I truly needed to use the restroom and I intentionally stayed there for over 30 minutes. When I came to the show the plot and story had gotten even more unfunny and depressing than ever. I couldn’t believe that this piece of trash was released as a “comedy”. EVERYTHING about it was horrible. Even the “mandatory” sex action/scene was HORRIBLE. When we got into my Ford I was shouting, I couldn’t help it. I was ready to break things. I hated every minute of it. Also, “Vamp” starring Grace Jones is an ugly, disgusting flick. Even now thinking about it makes me want to hurl. It’s unwatchable.
the movie Dreamland
(IMDB link)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0417614/
Tagline:Life blooms in extraordinary places.
Plot:A young woman who lives in a desert trailer park must choose between caring for her hapless father and sick friend or fulfilling her own destiny. | full synopsis
Plot Keywords:Trailer Park | Hospital |
ALSO
horrible moive. and i know you are looking for the worst movie with at least one famous actor blah blah. but just for the fun of it. or well. un fun of it you should see the gay bed and breakfast of Terror. worst thing , i cant even call it a movie , that i have ever ever ever had to see!!!!
oh and has no one said REPO! the genetic musical? god, why why why have i seen so many bad movies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Val O.
How can Fortress (1993) not be on the list. I took a girl on a first date to watch this steaming pile of excrement and I’m still amazed that we still actually ended up married. I hear Fortress 2 (1999) was even worse but I did not see it because no one was holding a gun to my head at the time.
Hey, is it too late to nominate Myra Breckinridge? Couldn’t make it through, so maybe the end got better…
I nominate “The Notebook”, not only is it the worst piece of clap trap drivel, but everyone seems to think it’s the most romantic movie ever made. Thanks to this movie, I feel like Elaine from Seinfeld in that English Patient episode.
How bout “Battlefield Earth”….
Let’s be honest….no contest there…Worst Movie Ever
I nominate Better Luck Tomorrow (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0280477/). Saw it last week and by the end I wanted to punch whoever wrote and directed it in the face for unleashing upon the world this over-the-top drivel masqueraded as “unconventional” and “edgy” racial/social commentary.
Titanic is the number 1.
this contest is a sham if Son of The Mask is not involved! in fact, this whole contest is a sharade because i am telling you right now that Son of The Mask IS the worst movie of all time.
Twilight is by far the worst movie of all time.
Hard candy..one stupid movie
Phone Booth! Terrible. And +1 on Hard Candy.
I like this post. no American Patriot Random Caps using Cocksuckers to ruin my eyesight and make me question my comprehension of Eng a rish
Oh, and I nominate Mighty Ducks 2.
Oh man, I have a bunch of nominees:
* Down to You
* Simply Irresistible
* Drive me Crazy
* The Power Rangers Movie
* Herbie: Fully Loaded
* Transformers
* Twilight
* Shriek if you know what I did last Friday the 13th!
* The Forsaken