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Obviously, this week belongs to Bubble Boy. Obviously. “Personally, I think that the biggest story this week was Jamie Foxx weighing in on the Roman Polanski situation in Parade magazine.” No, you are wrong. It’s Bubble Boy. Bubble Boy all the bubble way. Although, if I had to pick a close second for the story that has gotten the most media attention, it would be the entries in the Videogum Kate Gosselin Halloween Costume Fan Fiction Contest. HUGE STORY. Just kidding, but you should go read them, they are really great. And Dafs’s winning entry in this week’s You Can Make It Up as well.
In more relevant, Monsters’ Ball news, today we bid goodbye to Da Cake Eatur in all of his many forms. Earlier this week he changed his name to Pistachio Disguisey, after he had already changed his name to Mayor Bee, Old Dude, WoW Rules 69, wha wha What?!, and a few others. You were warned, mister. So, now you are banned. For violation of the User Agreement. All of your comments are being deleted, and you will not be able to participate in the Videogum Commenting Community anymore. Bye bye, creep! One user name per user, you guys.
After the jump, the 5 Highest Rated comments, the Lowest Rated comment, and the Editor’s Choice.
This Week’s Highest Rated Comments
The greatest trick that Falcon ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.
Posted by: dUb-iLL in response to Uh, Now What?
Score = 41
The boy is in the balloon next thing he knows he makes up on what appears to be fur, and James Gandolfini’s voice says, “I didn’t want to wake you up but i wanted to show you something.” Then some Arcade Fire started playing
Posted by: HarshBrowns in response to Uh, Now What?
Score = 42
Well that’s to be expected when you put people named Gooch, Gerhls and Bumpus on a jet together.
Posted by: Paper Werewolf in response to Oprah Caught Up In Another Hilarious Lawsuit Involving Improbable Scenarios
Score = 44
Posted by: That One in response to Who Should Die On TV?
Score = 53
[Ed. note: a true Monsters' Ball this week, made up of monsters. Your highest rated comment is calling for the death of a human being! I mean, that is what this is, in its way. It's tongue in cheek as a yuck-em-up answer to a goofball quiz about who should be killed off on TV, and we all agree that Glenn Beck is the worst, all of us, without a single exception agree upon that. But he should be allowed to live. I know that's a weird thing for you guys to hear, but there is enough suffering and death in this world. Let's throw this one back in the pond.]
This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment
Posted by: werttrew in response to Who Should Die On TV?
Score = -45
[Ed. note: see?! Even you guys are confused. I mean, obviously, we all love Andy Rooney with the same passion with which we hate Glenn Beck. But the joke is the same. To be fair to werttrew, he did apologize, so no harm done. Viva La Andy Rooney!]
This Week’s Editor’s Choice
The best way to ward off a bully is to threaten to fuck them till they love you, faggot
Posted by: Mantasim in response to Videogum’s Teen Korner: Get Bully Smart
[Ed. note: you might think that telling young children to yell "I'm going to fuck you until you love me, faggot" at a bully in self-defense is bad, irresponsible "advice." But surely it is no worse, and far safer in its way, then encouraging them to roundhouse elbow the bully in the face, smash his head into the cement, and jab him as hard as you can with the blunt end of a rolled up magazine? You know, because of how you guys were all saying that was such a good idea? And that you were going to use the BullySmart video to teach your own children? Don't do that! Don't do this either! Nevermind!]
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Pretty sure that I’m now obligated to tell you to apologize for that posting.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
I love how you’re likely to be the top comment next week by commenting on your worst comment this week. The universe is in perfect balance. Take comfort in that, monsters.
As much as I might like that to be true, I believe (and I might be wrong) that Monster’s Ball only counts posts from Monday morning through Friday afternoon. IE, comments on Monster’s Ball from the weekend don’t really get counted for Monster’s Ball of next week.
__http://www.ClassyMingle.com__ is a private exclusive dating club to meet millionaires, rich and beautiful men and women and gay and lesbian worldwide.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
“Fruit should die.” -Andy Rooney
Gabe, do you realize this is your second editor’s choice that makes use of the ViGum meme “I’m going to fuck you until you love me, faggot”? By pointing this out I am not making any commentary, just identifying a trend. Both comments were for sho funny – I think the other was by hlebtastic about the juggaloninja video – it’s just interesting that that is what you gravitate towards.
Love,
Professor Monsters’ Ball, emeritus
Yes it was. Does this make us brothers now Mantasim? Or are we sole mates? You want to go get crepes later? I know a nice little place.
Obviously I meant soul instead of sole. I don’t think we are fish I can’t imagine in any state not dead- mates.
Crepes? I’m more of a steak and beereal kinda guy. I will however swim the rivers with you in carefree fish camaraderie…or I guess, waste away on a bucket of ice in a market stall.
I am so glad “IRREGARDLESS!” is in the Top Comments, because I LOLed my butt off at it.
Haha, I’m a little disappointed that my first comment to make it as a non-Editor’s Choice really involved no creativity or wit on my own part, but relied entirely on the stupidity of someone else. Oh well.
Let’s play the Andy Rooney game with Videogum posts! I think we should restrict the game to actual Gabe text and not Comments or editor’s notes. I’ll start:
“Obviously, this week belongs to Bubble Boy. One user name per user, you guys.”
“Wait, Global Hand Washing Day was YESTERDAY?! Bubble Boy ruins everything.”
“It is important to not wear clothing that makes you look like you are in a gang (of nerds?).”
“As many of you know, I love the website thisisphotobomb.com, which features user-submitted photobombed photos. Stop doing all those pranks, you guys.”
“There were definitely a few questions raised by this week’s episode. ANSWER ME!”
“Going to the dentist. BRB”
im so glad the glenn beck gif won. i almost got fired for LOL’ing to loud in my office
oh man. i just went to check out Da Cake Eatur’s profile, to say my final goodbyes and there are old comments showing up as ‘recent’ since the comments are being deleted (?)…
“gab, now dat linsey betrade you you shood let me be da new linsey???” from 7/2/09 had 56 up votes http://videogum.com/user/37472-Pistachio%20Disguisey
Yeah, looking back through those I’m not entirely sure what we thought was so funny. I mean don’t get me wrong, I was a huge cake eatur apologist, and now that he’s banished it makes me kind of sad. But the joke doesn’t really work as well anymore. Maybe it was just the right place at the right time. Somebody needs to make a documentary about Da Cake Eatur’s stay at the top, filled with real trolling footage and extensive interviews with Gabe, Lindsay, and a few Monsters. Then send that shit to sundance and watch the benjamins roll in.
They’ll call it Let Dem Eat Cake. Someone can beat this. Let’s start Da Cake Eatur documentary title game now.
one little forward slash missing, and it kills an entire comment. fuck.
He Wasnt Rellly a Munky!! Lol
Midnight at the Monster’s Ball:
Prince 2 Peasant: Da “Da Cake Eatur” story
For Da Love of Cake: The rise and fall of Da Cake Eatur
Best New Party Game 10?
I actually think a documentary on the rise and fall of a comment thread troll would make for pretty interesting viewing, especially if you didn’t meet him till the end.
To me, the most hilarious thing about Da Cake Eatur was his obsession with “mastur of disguys!!!”.
Yes, the humor was totally context-based, and almost never actually humorous, but nevertheless….IS U RLY A SKWERL? is still providing modest returns to my LOLk after a huge initial windfall. C’mon, guys. NEVER FORGET.
The thing is, that while he was here he annoyed the balls out of me but now that he’s gone, I’m looking through his old comics and LMAOing.
“i seeen da miget frum austin powers (grr baby shagg me!) he s relly small but i never seen da sex tape i bet dat it s funy!! anyway it s a good movie, get in my bel-lay!!”
Rest In Cake.
It will be the longest segment of Gabe’s This American Life story about Vgum. Can’t you just imagine Ira Glass’s ironically disinterested voice saying “Act Four: I’ll Troll You ‘Til You Love Me, Faggot.”
I feel relief knowing that the first of the “gimmick” commenters has been ousted. This isn’t “Family Matters”, where you will out-shine the star as some break-out asshole. Just NORMAL asshole, amIright, people???
RIP, Cakey Poo. I’m sure he’ll never find a way to re-register and make trollish comments ever again!
There is still some remnant Cake Eatur!
http://videogum.com/user/37472-Benjamin%20Coale
Who is Benjamin Coale?
http://videogum.com/archives/bloopers/some-guy-got-the-feelings-on-d_061842.html
Whoa, is this a glitch that revealed someone’s real name? If so, whoa again.
Just so we’re all clear, we don’t really want Glenn Beck to die as much as that expression of his is just hilarious, right? I mean, that GIF works out of context too is all I’m saying.
To clarify, I don’t want anyone to die. I was just trying to imply that the Glenn Beck on TV is literally a character, a fabrication. Seriously, the man “cried” over his nostalgia for soda commercials and tried to turn it into a hazy metaphor for a better America. He’s crafted this faux-populist personality and makes something like $35 million a year for playing this role. I’m not doubting that there’s an element of honesty in the “Glenn Beck” we see on TV, but this IS television in the most basic sense. It’s entertainment. People can tune in, get their emotions worked into a frenzy and walk away with something to think about (no matter how ridiculous). It’s fiction. It’s like The Hills. A heightened, toyed-with, and often fabricated reality filtered though an agenda, dumbed down for the lowest-common-denominator, and passed off as journalism.
I’m not trying to go off on some insufferable “OMG Fox News Lies!!1!” rant, but I wasn’t implying that Beck should die. I was saying that he is a character on TV.
Well now that I’ve drained any semblance of humor from the gif, I’ll see myself to the door.
This is meant in no offense to you That One, you’re the one and I respect you. But I am so tired of the constant Glenn Beck rants. Yes he is an asshole and a character and not entirely genuine, but we all know that and constantly say that. Its like its some disgusting who hates Glenn Beck the most contest and I’m tired of it. That being said, that gif was hilarious.
Yeah, I tried not to go on some tired rant. I just wanted you guys to know that I’m not a man who wishes death on people he’s never meant. Except Hitler. And maybe Tony Danza. Guy just seems like a dick.
I’m gonna need to know if that Glenn Beck salary quote is accurate.
Looks like it’s more like $23 mil. (Yes, I just linked to Forbes…)
Oh, cool, that’s more reasonab-*bang*
I just posted a link to this on my facebook status. Looks like somebody’s social status at school is going to turn around!
I have no idea what that was all about. Sorry.
Ummmm!!! I just got this ad served to me on some site. Ahhhh. Is this cute enough for the cute parade?
How are you supposed to do their illusion test after their advertisement has blinded you
Um so a simple google search returned a result on about.com for this urban legend. I’m obviously late to the game on this monster.
Phew. I actually was very afraid my first trip to the ball would be in the “Weeks Worst”. I mean, if ever I earn a golden ticket… I will also take this opportunity to lay the feud between ChrisTopher Grace and I to rest. We’re cool.
Cute animals parade!
Boyfriend: “That’s a terrifying rabbit”
Me: “It’s a wallaby”
Boyfriend: “… That’s why it’s a terrifying rabbit.”
Your comment gave me the lolz. Here’s your reward:
I showed this to my mom and she LOVED it. “Look at that silly cat!
I love my ma.
So if I extrapolate from the fact that Napoleon Complex got downvoted here I can deduce that the monsters are anti mothers. What are we, fucking Peter Pan? Are we all just bitter orphans that are pissed that Napoleon is rubbing his healthy relationship with his mother in our faces? I also love my mother Napoleon, I also love my mother.
*Pssst… I’m a girl….* But, thank you for your support!
Whooopsies!
It seems like the dog on the couch in the gif agrees with your mom.
Wait! I find this adorable and hilarious, but isn’t it animal abuse!? Gabe’s right, I am a monster!
I went on tinypic looking for a cute picture of a kitten and I found furry porn.
I looked harder and found some pictures of some CUTE REAL NOT NAKED kittehz and felt better. Still, ew.
I can’t believe you beat me to the pygmy hippo! the pygmy hippo was going to be mine! argh!
I will gladly share my pygmy hippo with you.There’s good eatin’ on one of those.
Ohmygoodness cutest sandwich ever!
wow, just wow. the best i had was pygmy hippo in a bucket.
lets see if i’ve figured out tagging:
My friends called me a loser and threw french fries at me when I said I had to hurry home to see who the top five monsters were this week, but who’s laughing now? The guy who just got 2nd place, that’s who. I can’t wait to tell my mom. She’s going to be so faced.
Yes, welcome King Curtis (a.k.a. “Bacon is good for me!”), to your future as Glenn Beck.
I think my one trip to the ball will be my only trip. But you know what? I’m ok with that.
I wasn’t here at all this week! And now I’m posting at five in the morning on a saturday like anyone is going to read this!
I was very busy. I didn’t even get a chance to post my balloon boy photoshop which I swear was made without ever seeing HarshBrowns’ comment:
Also,
Hey you guys, check this out:
Just pretend all that other stuff underneath isn’t there and we’d have ourselves our poster (to stand in for that yelling kid)
I like this so much!!
It’s good, isn’t it? Thought I’d let you (and all Gummers) know it’s by Justin Bryan Nelson.
Or this one:
Dark Knight references. So hot right now.
Okay that didn’t work. Looked okay in the preview… :-/
The link is:
I don’t know how I feel about Lady Gaga being our Monster’s Ball Mascot. True, she is a monster, but is she OUR type of monster?
Is that what she calls that contraption? The monster ball? It’s more of a collection of rings than a ball, though it is monstrous.
“Lady Gag” – looks alright to me.
Why are we all assuming that da cake eatur is male? Sexism much?
the facebook picture that used to be under da cake eatur profile was of a dude. which doesnt make it true but it looked legit at the time
Totally late to the ball/animal parade, but I come bearing a gift!
:3
Ack! Too close to cuteness!
Sorry, try this.
So, who has seen Where the Boring Things Are? I think watching the preview on loop for 90 minutes would have been a better use of my time. And I should know; I totally tried it.
Booo… Without a doubt one of the best this year. Have you no soul, my friend?
(Sorry for the downvote. I had such a good experience at my screening that any dissenting opinion irrationally offends me. No offense. We sat next to the only child in a theater packed with jaded 20somethings, and I was transcended. I love this film so much).
I saw it last night and it was pretty much the same situation, a sold out house full of adults, but it sure seemed like we all left feeling a little younger. Anyone who can sit through it without feeling a tinge of sadness as Carol howls at his departing king must be made of stone.
I had to go to the early show which I knew I was going to regret. It was mostly parents with small children (one of the kids cried a lot), and a group of teenagers, so, not the best audience. The teenagers made too much noise and talked throughout, knowing no one was going to tell them to shut up.
I did enjoy the movie though. It wasn’t mind blowing, but it was good.
Max Records is so great in this! I felt so bad for him in the igloo scene
Man, I hate being downvoted for politely disagreeing with the masses. But I have to say, I am pretty sure this movie did not have a plot. And I like plots!
Also, “wild” things? What was wild about them? In the book, they were rampaging, howling monsters. In the movie they were neurotic bickering whiners.
I mean, I didn’t hate it, but it just never grabbed me. Also, given it had the best trailer in years, my expectations were absurdly high.
Oh and I know that I am tardy for the share-your-own-puppies party, but these are my doggies back home and the internet has to look at them and listen to my stories about them.
WHOA, size fail. It is my fault, not my puppies’. They’re good puppies!
Belated share-your-pet Parade!
I’ve been back and forth on whether to post a pet picture or not, but damnit, a cute kitty face is a cute kitty face regardless of it’s owner!
I posted a picture of my cat like three monster’s balls (ha!) ago, but I’m going to post my dog anyway, because I love sharing.
LOLOL. I’ll just go kill myself now.
Wait, what? Never mind. Goddamnit, I need a delete button. I WANT TO LIVE!!!!!
Don’t do it, kiss the pan! You have so much [puppies] to live for!
Also, how does one post pictures from one’s own My Pictures file? Because I have some beautiful kittehz that I would like to shep naches about.
TinyPic.com
Easy-peasy.
Many spanx.
I think he/she’s already dead, hence the blank entry. I’m sure Kiss the Pan’s family and friends still appreciate the outreach.
PS-Thanks for having me to your ball, Gabe. Although I should have been #4… dick.
I shared a picture of one of my kitties last week, but I have more pictures and more kitties! Here is Gabby. Cause she’s a talker.
I really hate to admit this, but I clicked on this spam. It was curiosity, I’m not really in to butt stuff! I swear! But this is the great part. The link goes to a blog with a sexy background about electric spectrum analyzers. Electric spectrum analyzers. This is the greatest spam bot ever.