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Remember the California Raisin Facepaint guy from ancient earlier this afternoon? Of course you remember him, because you date him, and he is your boyfriend, and one day maybe he will put a ring on that finger. But it turns out that he has TONS of these videos, featuring all variety of TERRIFYING face inventions. You knew that, obviously, since it’s his private passion, and it was one of those quirks you had to get used to early in the relationship. “We each have our sides of the bed. He goes straight for the Sports section and I read the Sunday Styles. And of course there is the horrific use of creative face paint for living nightmare YouTube videos recorded in the basement.” Love = compromise.
But for the rest of us, this is news. Terrible, upsetting, eye-breaking news. So many videos. Something for everyone, really. To run away from. In mortal terror.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Stop it times infinity.
I know as well as anyone that we all deserve to find something in this world that makes us happy, but does that something have to come at the expense of everyone else’s eyes and ability to sleep at night without waking in panic sweats to the sound of one’s own screams? No. I’m just saying that YouTube has a “set to private” function that far too many people overlook.
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If he does a Keyboard Cat facepaint all will be right with the world
Forget it Jake. It’s Bibleartworktown.
I know, how is it bible art? Right? He is also a Drag Queen. Gabe, I double dog you to go on a dinner date with this man with your face painted like someone who isn’t completely freaked out.
I’ve seriously been watching these the whole day because I want to show my boyfriend that I’m dedicated to his “art.”
The hippopotamus one is my favorite.
OH MY GOD OH MY GOD THE BETTY BOOP ONE! GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD!
“mmmm!…. boop boop be doo!” -shudder-
I wish I hadn’t watched the tongue tied one. I feel like my soul has been raped. Shudder.
Seriously that is some CLIVE BARKER SHIT.
At least the Jabba the Hut one proves that he actually has a mouth. No more settling for handjobs!
please. stop talking about the ‘jobs’ he is/isn’t giving you. i care about you, and the images you’re forcing on me, with the papa smurf and this guy, are driving a wedge between us.
The montage is my favorite.
He’s a pretty decent painter though. But he should just leave it at the painting.
I’m gonna hide my boyfriends camera now.
Exactly! The painting is fine. Stop moving your face!
Whatever, haters. You know that if someone offered to paint your face like that so you could scare the living bejesus out of your co-workers at the office Halloween party, you would jump at the chance.
So tongue tied is nightmare speak for a columbian necktie? I’m no torture killing expert but I do watch The Human Giant, and that shits a disgusting/ terrifying columbian necktie. Somebody wanted to raise the nightmare quota.
Upvotes for referencing my favorite Human Giant sketch and reminding me that there can be some happiness in this dark, creepy world of facepainting.
Whatever you do, don’t play all four videos at once. It sounds like screams from the depths of hell, further adding to my Event Horizon comment on the other post.
P.S. I am going to have nightmares about his stretchy permanently-closed mouth for weeks.
“Oh Hell No”? I hope you snapped and bobbed your head defiantly when you typed that. Still, there should be at least 7 “e”‘s in Hell.
I don’t even notice the face paint as much as I notice the incredibly scary thought running through my head of him doing these same faces sans paint.
It’s always funny to see Gabe try to pretend like he knows nothing about something he’s writing about, when in reality he practices it daily and is the president of the local group dedicated to it
Yeh, he is pretty good at maintaining that angle and style. If you read his worker 3663 or whatever stuff it’s obvious how well he can write. A part of me hopes he was in L.A for some massive opportunity, but the selfish part of me hopes he stays here forever, chained to his desk by Scottgum, forced to act like he doesn’t know what the fuck is happening.
He was probably there being tortured by the Titans of Entertainment for all of the The Worst Movie of All Time posts.
I imagine the Titans of entertainment to look like the octopus thing in The Little Mermaid.
Honestly, I could handle these videos. Until, that is, he started talking in that fucking Betty Boop video.
That’s it, my boyfriend and I need to have a talk.
This reminds me of that Puppetry of the Penis thing… Only Sexier.
Technically, the Betty Boop one is my girlfriend.
his leno face is by far his scariest however
let me just preface this with the statement that despite have just registered today, i’ve been a long time monster, first time writer (all the cool monsters talk like this, right?).
while i thoroughly enjoy making fun of all my boyfriends, can anyone explain to me what the difference is between this guy and the guys of “we should all be so lucky…” fame? i understand that this comment might put my nonexistent status as a videogum commentator in jeopardy, as pointing out any contradictions gabe makes is considered the greatest sacrilege, but i can no longer go on living this lie…how can we make fun of one group by ridiculing their strange and obsessively creepy hobbies while simultaneously rejoicing anothers? why are we not lucky enough to enjoy painting our face outdated raisin mascots as much as this guy?
all i’m saying is that all of our boyfriends might be feeling a little bit dejected. that’s all.
Welcome, broccolirob! I agree with you; we should definitivemount be happy for this guy. His hobby my scare the shit out of us and make my cat run away and barf, but at least he’s happy.
Also HAHAHA I just got your username! Broccolirabe/rob. I hope your name is Rob.
The major difference here is that I am in love with bibleartwork and want to marry him. I would have thought that was obvious. I very much enjoy calling Gabe out for bullshit, but he was dead on about this guy being my boyfriend. I just don’t understand why he keeps telling my baby to stop doing what he loves. My only guess is jealousy.
The nightmares are in the eyes. They’re the constant in this bad-trip demon experiment.
This guy and edarem should have a face dance-off. Better yet: BATTLE FACE DANCE. To the death.
Why is no one asking the real question here? How many skeletal remains of children does he have in the crawl space of his house? I’m just sayin…
that last one actually made me physically upset. i left the room and made my roommate go in and take care of the situation. needless to say, we’re sleeping with all the lights on in our apartment. forever.
Some people are born with talent and others are born mentally unstable.
I hope he has no idea of the poetry involved in having “I Just Want to be Loved by You” as the soundtrack to the world’s weirdest vanity project.
Also, can you imagine the backlash if he did this on Hey Hey it’s Saturday?
Holy shit. This is not the way I wanted to start my morning.
I was taking comfort from the fact that he was just one lone guy making these terrible terrible nightmares. But no, his whole family are in on it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhYLAm8UNAY&feature=player_profilepage. Fuck that noise.
Although if anyone had to see all these guys together onstage, I’m glad it was Piers Morgan.
is this supposed to make me want to hire him for parties or something? or is this literally just a hobby?
also- imagine trying to get all of that paint off. Like you take 5 hours to paint your face, make a 30 second video, then take 2 hours to wash it off. worth it?
You know how when your boyfriend breaks up with you, you want them to see your YouTube videos and you hope that their soul crushes with agony over the thought of what could have been? Well guess what, Gabe? This is actually my EX-boyfriend. I left him for SkoalRebel.
Thanks for posting these videos. You’ve just crushed my soul.
…..aaaaaand i forgot to sign in. Ruined everything. I wanted you all to see the AGONY in my AVATAR’S FACE.
This is by far the weirdest one. Cartoon lady crotch resting on his lower lip? Nose-boobs? Seriously bizarre.
Sorry, Linda. As you should have probably figured out for yourself, everyone here already has a boyfriend.