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In the New York Times a couple weeks ago, there was an article about the much-anticipated DVD release of thirtysomething, a “groundbreaking” (not my word) television drama from the late ’80s. By most measures, the show was not a huge success (according to that article, its highest ratings were during the first 15 minutes of a premiere), but it was a critical darling, and “thirtysomething” is now a word in the dictionary. But most importantly: when it came out, as far as I was concerned, it was a stupid-boring show for old people. Except that now I am one of those old people. And so, out of some misguided sense of curiosity, over the next few weeks, I will be recapping the first season of thirtysomething here. 2009, you guys. Anything can happen. There is no spoon.
So, since this is the pilot episode, and since this is a show about what we talk about when we talk about babies crying, we need to get to the part where we even have babies. You can’t just start with people having babies, it’s not believable. This is a show for adults, and adults know that babies don’t just come out of nowhere! The first couple of minutes are a quick montage of how the main couple, Michael and Hope met and fell in love and got married and had a baby. How long do you think a story like that should take? You probably said a minute and a half, because you always have to be right. There’s the scene in which Hope talks to her best friend over a glass of white wine (adults!) about whether or not the sex with this new guy is good and also he wears polyester shirts! That’s a dealbreaker, ladies! But it’s not a dealbreaker, ladies, because next is a scene where Michael’s best friend has cold feet and HE’S NOT EVEN THE ONE GETTING MARRIED, LOL. Commitment was hard in the ’80s. Anyway, now they are married and now they have a baby, so we can finally get to life, and jumping into life.
Michael is having a hard day at work. He’s sick and tired of having to make compromises at the advertising agency he co-owns with his friend Eliot. It’s supposed to be about the work, not the money! They were going to be the first advertising agency in Philadelphia (uh, in the world?) built on integrity and creativity. But when Michael loses their biggest client, there are some serious economic realities that need facing! It can’t be all decontextualized Beowulf posters.
Make no mistake, these guys are smart. You think dummies can just buy a Princeton sweatshirt?
Nice try. Anyway, being an adult is HARD. Michael is struggling with the harsh realities of owning your own company and making enough money to own your own house and have a wife who doesn’t have to work but also sometimes having to do something you don’t want to do because you’re an artist (of advertising), which are basically some of the HARSHEST realities, but also his best friend and sister want them to go camping (they keep saying “backpacking,” but I don’t know what that means, because I’m not a college junior anymore) and they can’t find a babysitter! They better find a babysitter soon or the Backpack Train is going to leave without them.
But even though she doesn’t work, Hope is also at the end of her rope. She goes to meet Ellen for a white wine lunch (adults!) but the baby starts crying and everyone stares at her until she has to leave. Ellen is like “dirty look, dirty look, I secretly hate your baby.” And Hope can’t find a decent babysitter, but she’s not even sure if she wants a babysitter. How can she leave her magical baby that is specialer than all the other babies with some woman? Who’s probably a murderer? No, they have to cancel the backpack trip. I guess that will give them more time to attend Baby Feeding Classes. They’re terrible at it:
When they announce that they are not going backpacking, their friends are like “you used to be fun but now you’re just old.” Basically. Later, Hope starts crying when Michael goes outside to yell at some teenagers for having a party too loud. She is crying because I guess when you yell at teenagers for being too loud you are basically about to die of being the oldest. She should relax. But I guess that’s what happens. You get a baby and stop having sex and your friends all hate you and no one ever gets to go backpacking. (That last part is a joke, seriously, who wants to go backpacking? This show has not aged well in terms of what people think are fun activities.) This show is kind of a nightmare! Enjoy your white wine lunches while you can, children.
Speaking of lunches, Michael and Eliot have a serious conversation about extra-marital affairs on their lunch break, but first they make sure to pick out the perfect outfits.
Looking good, guys. The best part is that those are just classic pieces you can wear for years and years. Anyway, Eliot had an affair. Clearly, Michael is getting sexually restless as well. You can tell because he exaggeratedly looks at every girl that passes them so that later in the episode he will be able to tel lhis wife “I am attracted to other women now, and it makes me sad about our marriage,” or whatever. But Eliot doesn’t think having affairs is that great.
They do not make dramatic swells of hilarious music like they used to!
Michael has to return the sleeping bags he bought for their two day backpacking trip. So he gets into his time machine and travels to Williamsburg, Brooklyn, 2008, and the guy at the store is like “all I need is your receipt and your retinal scan” (because the future), and “are you going to the Major Lazer show tonight?”
Michael goes home and tells Hope that he misses his old life before they had that stupid baby. It’s too bad he broke his time machine on his way back from the camping store. Now we will never be able to KILL HITLER, and REVERT TO OUR BABY-LESS LIVES. Hope totally understands because we are all adults here, and the only way this marriage is going to survive is if we are open and honest with each other about hating our children.
Next week: more talking over babies crying, probably.
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Where’s Patrick Bateman? All these people aren’t just going to ax themselves in the face.
Sooooooo, ummmmm….Major Lazer is playing tonight?
So basically this is “Being Upper Middle Class White Is Hard: The TV Series.”
I can see why you’re so excited to review this, Gabe!
Recapping “thirtysomething” is a brilliant idea and I’m jealous that I didn’t think of it.
I know, it’s like: Nobody saw this originally, Nobody is gonna see this on DVD, but these write-ups will still be funny because TONE and WRITING STYLE and KILL HITLER. (etc.)
Ahh, I remember the days when all you needed to do to show that a character was goofy-but-with-inner-turmoil was to give him some facial hair.
*Remembers The Hangover*
there is simply no hope in this recap…
That was exhausting to read. Thirtysomething was basically the Hills, if written by the lovechild of Whit Stillman and Ethan Hawke. (That was exhausting to type.)
I’m really sad that I’m old enough to know this, but the wife is Hope and the sister is Melissa.
You’re right. Fixed now.
Melissa is Michael’s cousin, not sister.
She’s not even trying to feed that baby.
You’re an actress. You should be able to do that.
Are we to believe that the BABY drew those fingerpaintings on the wall, cause that’s bullshit.
Timothy Busfield is being interviewed on the Gay Beach (airing right now 2-4pm EST) for all you Somethin’ Heads. THE BUS!
http://www.eastvillageradio.com/shows/playlists.aspx?contentid=1260&showid=20220
This might be my favorite recap on the site! Can’t wait for more of them. thirtysomething – 5, True Blood – 3.
I have no idea why I chose those numbers. But seriously, I am psyched about the 30something recaps. A little something seems to be ensuing, which you and I both know is called HILARITY.
Having extramarital sex with Timothy Busfield has not aged well either.
From those are you keeping score at home:
Melissa = Hope
Nancy = Ellen
Carry on!
Fixed. Names were so confusing back then..
that’s what you get for ignoring my post
How do so many of you know the names of the characters in thirtysomething?
Michael is the man
– Hope is his wife, Ellen is her best friend – she eventually marries Billy, and it’s a great episode
– Eliot is his partner, Nancy is his wife
– Gary is his best friend, who was doing Melissa – she can’t get over him and she’s Michael’s cousin, but she eventually marries Lee
– Miles is Michael & Eliot’s boss when they eventually sell out to DAA – Miles has the hots for Melissa
– Janey and Leo are Hope & Michael’s ridiculous kids
- Brittany and Ethan are Nancy & Eliot’s kids
I’d say that about does it…
Tuvok, stuck in time, working undercover in an ’80s camping store.
what’s he doing off of voyager?! (he’s on that one, right?)
Someone fucked up the dilithium crystals and they had to eject the warp core, maybe. Made them go back through time?
I never knew being rich was so hard. Fuck my dreams of wealth and power; I’m getting me an RV and evading taxes!
I remember seeing commercials for this show (remember commercials, guyzzz?) and being so dumbfounded by the fact that “thirtysomething” was not capitalized. I was all indignant, like, “don’t they know titles are capitalized?” Awww. Baby grammar police. Now I’m dumbfounded by Major Lazer and loud teenagers.
What if there was a glitch in the time machine and it took you back to when Hitler was five years old? Would you be able to kill a five year-old Hitler?
True Story: I saw one of those updated Twilight Zone episodes where Katherine Heigl had to go back in time and KILL BABY HITLER. Anyway, she did it, but then the other nurse lady stole a gypsy baby to replace baby Hitler, and that gypsy baby became the evil Hitler! So basically, the Holocaust is all Katherine Heigl’s fault.
yes.
you know who loves this show? these guys: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9W_T6PzSqbA.
You know…I can overlook your vague-ish Libertarian politics and your hatred of NPR, but
do not gum up Thirtysomething. What you don’t remember is that there wasn’t anything remotely thoughtful on television before it (after it?). And even as a mediocre ratings performer it had numbers in the tens of millions, a smash “Idol” type hit by Today’s standards (Mad Men is watched by 2 million people). My prediction…You’ll be huddled up in a ball rocking back and fourth by the end of Season five in despair that it’s over, it’s all over.
Uh, Hill Street Blues, St. Elsewhere, LA Law, Taxi, All in the Family, Moonlighting….
thirtysomething-head over here can’t even get the name right. Lowercase t, duh.
Bill Busfield, ladies and germs.
Bill watched thirtysomething when he was at Sarah Lawrence in the 80s. Then he wrote his thesis paper on thirtysomething and became Professor thirtysomething. Then he complained because his dates never wanted to talk about thirtysomething. They didn’t even want to hear about thirtysomething.
when did we date?
bravo – personally I would have thought a course about insufferable selfish cunts who couldn’t handle actually having to work and deal with being an adult in the 80’s would have the highest dropout rate ever. I wonder if professor thirtysomething is offering an online course now for those baby boomers who identified with this show yet were the same people who crashed the market in 87.
Your comment was awesome.
My prediction is that Gabe will blow his own head off well before Season 5, and I predict it will be Hope and Michael’s angst-ridden house renovation (the breakfast nook!) that will send him over the age.
I’m thinking it will be Gary’s death (he borrowed a car, he wasn’t even riding his bike!) that forced Gabe into self-imposed solitary confinement – much like Melissa when she got the news…
You don’t really know what a libertarian is, do you?
gabe, I am going to give you thirtysomething blow jobs. you doll.
This is going to be SO AWESOME! Thank you, Gabe.
On a side note, my enormous crush on Ken Olin has now withered, due solely to the fact that his 1980s self so closely resembles Eli Roth. So sad about this.
Oh my god. You’re right. NOOOOOOOO I hate you for doing this to me.
I wonder if this will be the opposite of watching My So-Called Life as a 30-something.
Seen as I spent most of the 80s transitioning from toddler to preschooler, I just found out about thritysomething earlier today, reading up on Timothy Busfield while watching West Wing (Why? Because it’s my day off, stupid!). Then about one hour later Gabe starts recapping it. It’s like I willed it into existence. Sorry about that, by the way.
this must have been before danny kincannon met cj craig because ‘west wing’ is forever.
(i saw timothy busfield on the fox lot once and nearly died of excitement.)
Gabe, this is fucking genius! what makes it even better is that i am watching the series for the first time (laughing all the way, ha ha ha!). my boyfriend watched it faithfully when it was on and happened to turn 30 just a year before it aired. i actually look forward to those awesome late-80s piano cues each time a character has a serious, sobering speech. just wait until Patricia Wettig’s character gets hers in a later episode (i’m now on episode 6). that one’s a doozy! p.s. i fucking hate mel harris! she’s such a whiny bitch. not that ken olin is much better….
Where can I sign up for this uncrossable abyss of fucking other people?
step into the Way Back Machine with me, to a simpler time, a time before meta, when Karate Kid and Teenwolf were not yet remade and upper-middle-class pseudo-intellectuals called their cocaine, “White Angst” without even a hint of irony.
was judd apatow somehow involved with this?? they refer to it a lot on the freaks & geeks commentary tracks for some reason and that is about 100% of my exposure to this show previous to right now. (professor commentaries emeritus over here)
If Judd Apatow were involved, each episode would be twenty minutes too long, full of pathetic bo-banter and Leslie Mann yelling at people.
If Judd Apatow were involved, each episode would be twenty minutes too long, full of pathetic bro-banter and Leslie Mann yelling at people.
My mom used to watch this back when I wasn’t oh, say thirtysomething myself and EVEN THEN I was like, “Ew”. These people need to live naked in a commune for three months and then WORRY about their white people are so oppressed problems.
I’m really surprised it was acceptable to tuck your tie into your pants back then…I guess I don’t remember the ’80s as well as I thought.
I miss how in the 80s you could go to the plaza with your business partner, emote, and use your college words like “abyss” to express exactly how it feels.
I am more than a little afraid.
Professor Thirtysomething over here.