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Wait. Wait, wait, wait. You are telling me that for the past 20 YEARS, Steven Seagal has been working as a police officer in New Orleans IN BETWEEN FILMS? Haha. First of all, no. He hasn’t. But still: incredible. I like when he says “I mean, the show is real.” Because that actually does need to be said, and will probably have to be said at the beginning and end of every episode. “What you are about to see is a real show.” “What you just saw was a real show.” Even then, they will still get so many letters. “Dear, A&E, I love your fake new show that is so fake.”
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It’s like COPS with Steven Fucking Seagal. I’m preparing for some serious ’90s flashbacks.
I want to crack an I shot the sheriff but I did not shoot the deputy joke here but I’m scared Seagal might come after me with his 20 years of real experience.
steven seagal: fat
I wonder how many of the criminals think they are on Punk’d.
I know people who had to work on the shoot. He is as horrible as you probably imagined.
I can’t wait for
Steven Seagal: Ponytail
Steven Seagal: Reincarnated Lama
Steven Seagal: The Hunt for Kelly Brook’s Alimony Check
This show is going all the way to the bank…to the blood bank
I really wish GOOP covered how to successfully collar a perp.
To hell with that, just cut to the chase and let’s see Steven “Fatback” Seagal break Gwen’s arm.
(Pssst, Steve, if you’re reading this, that was a joke. I loved ‘Glimmer Man’! And I like my elbows to only bend the one way, thanks.)
0:29 is where I cracked up. I’m honestly not sure if this is Photoshopped on, or what. But it’s hilarious. “Oh, Mr. Seagal, we are so indebted to you and your patented Akido Flip Maneuvers that we would like you to ride shotgun in our patrol cars, and carry a weapon, and we will entrust the lives and deaths of citizens and policemen to your tactical prowess and intricate knowledge of the law.” – America.
Beanie Siegel. Last name homonyms. Yeahheheheheh. Dig it?
I keep reading this as “Steven Seagal: Lawnman”. Watch as Steven Seagal cuts lawns. This show is real.
Watch as Steven Seagal takes on the Internet in “Steven Seagal: Lawnmower Man”
it’s not moss control, it’s an adventure.
i thought by steven seagal: lawman it meant he’d been elected to the senate. look out senator trent!!!
Does anyone know if this show is real?
His make-up will be very real.
Talk about old guys that look like lesbians.
I want to believe.
my dad’s going to be so psyched when i tell him about this
This should be called ‘Middle-Aged Crime Dracula’.
where the fuck is the ponytail?!
Steven Seagal arrested me for public urination on Halloween in 2006 and it goes without saying that being the guy arrested by Steven Seagal does not go over well with the guys in jail.
I couldn’t help but notice that one of Steven’s emergencies took him to a McDonalds.
I’ve lived in Jefferson Parish my entire life, and I’ve never heard a word about this. Why wasn’t I made aware of this? Have we kept it secret out of shame? For Seagal’s safety? Some martial-arts/ninja/working in the shadows aspect? I don’t know, I just would have expected someone to have mentioned this to me at least once before.
The T-P did a short article about it. I thought there would be an uproar and controversy. But apparently the NOPD has no problem with an out of work actor arresting our citizens. Yeah, another reason the NOPD scares the shit out of me.
Also, I have a friend who worked on the shoot. Segal required that ALL of the shots be from a slight downwards angle (professor cinematography over here) because if they shot him from below, he would look fat. They had to use step ladders. If they lowered the cameras, even a little, Segal would demand a re-shoot and rearrest the poor fuckers.
“this is real. it’s not a joke.” – steven seagal
oh steven. yes, it’s real. and it’s also a joke.
p.s. stay classy, a&e!
0:36 – Tom Hanks, welcome to your not too distant future.
I just hope every episode ends with a pudgy Segal practicing his martial arts in the cafeteria while people awkwardly try to maneuver around him.
He’s not really practicing, he’s just showing off.
Can I have a show now? Nakedpainter sets terrible people on fire. Sounds good to me. I’ll even wear my ninja outfit.