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Mike Tyson Pro-Tip For A Successful Weekend #11: We all like to have fun, but sometimes things get out of hand, and it’s important to keep your head on straight. A successful weekend often means hanging out with friends and relieving the stress of the work week, yes, but on a more fundamental level a successful weekend is also a safe weekend, when you don’t end up in the hospital or jail. If you find yourself in a tense situation, you can often talk your way out of it. Violence is almost never a good solution. Perhaps a boast might work. If you feel threatened by someone at a bar, nightclub, movie theater, community center pottery class, or murder mystery dinner party, try telling them that you will fuck them in the ass if they don’t leave you alone. If that doesn’t work, tell them that you will eat their asshole alive. Something to show them that you are a powerful, heterosexual man, who is not afraid of them. At this point, you should probably extricate yourself from the situation completely. Remember: there is no shame in just walking away. In fact, that is the most courageous thing to do. If, however, you find yourself stuck somewhere and must defend yourself (verbally, if things get physical, have a friend call the police from a payphone) remind your aggressor that they are a faggot, and that you will fuck them until they love you. When they look at you confused, kiss them, and then make your way home. You have a brunch to get to in the morning, mister!* (Via FourFour.)
*Do not do any of this.
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What Mike Tyson has for brunch?
Yeah, that sounds like the start of a bad-pun gag. But don’t worry. There’ll be no bad puns around ear.
Wait, i didnt click submit on that shizzle.
Videogum gods! Why do you mock me so?!
“I’ll fuck you until you love me, faggot!” is totally my new pick-up line.
I can upvote you!
You’re officially my wingman, Mr. One.
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You’re an awful individual, and I would be sad that you spend so much time on a website you hate if you weren’t such a despicable human being. Please swallow a liter of demon-cum, contract an STD, and never come back here.
love the website. hate the pretentious teenagers gabe has to pander to who’ve taken over the message boards.
There can never be enough homoeroticism, big boy <3
What does Mike Tyson’s morning brunch consist of, exactly?
Ah, i see myself falling into a “bad-pun” trap. But dont worry, there’ll be no bad puns around ear.
what does mike tyson eat between breakfast and lunch?
hold it! bad pun ahead!!!
ears!!!
ok, that wasn’t a pun and I was actually kind of intrigued by seeing first and second draft in action – sorry Capu
HEY! who’s downvoting me? who? you’re just scared of me. I’m going to fuck you until you love me. I bet you’re white!
My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I’m just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!
“I’ll fuck you til you love me faggot!” is the hardest thing you can say to someone, and Mike Tyson is the only person who can pull it off.
Actually, “I’ll fuck you til you love me, faggot” is one of the most romantic things I’ve ever heard. <3
“You had me at ‘I’ll fuck you till you love me, faggot’.”
“I’ll fuck you til you love me, faggot” is what Sally finally built up the courage to say to Harry, and they lived happily together, forever. The End.
I think it’s what Bill Murray said at the end of Lost in Translation.
did someone get what Mr.Tyson was responding to? Surely something gregarious must have provoked such aggression in such sage like man
Someone said “Put him in a straight jacket!”. Wouldn’t you fuck that person until they loved you?
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Pro-tip: Shhhh.
I was on a Mike-Tyson-moments bender around this time last year. He’s got more crazy shit going on than Chuck Norris. Except it’s all true.
forseriousgum, someone touched a nerve. tyson was all hyperventilating. maybe all that sex talk just got him excited.
I’m just a girl, standing in front of a faggot, asking him to fuck her until he loves her