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What a week it has been!
John Hughes R.I.P. (to say the least). Paula Abdul is leaving that show I can’t believe anyone actually watches! Oprah sued for 1.2 trillion dollars? That is too much suing! We celebrated Average Amount of Megan Fox Day, learned how to survive the Gathering of the Juggalos, and learned details of Jay Leno’s new show (which is a lot like the Gathering of the Juggalos in terms of being terrible and alienating). Oh, and suspense got a brand new face. YIKES.
You ninjas know what time it is!
This Week’s Highest Rated Comments
Posted by: Godsauce in response to The Gathering Of The Juggalos Survival Guide
Score = 66
[Ed. note: I don't know how I feel about this latest trend of Photoshopping images of me into comment-thread goof-em-ups. It feels kind of invasive and very creepy. Like something that monsters would do. I even deleted one of them because as far as I was concerned it was a bridge too far (careful, moonmaster). But I will admit that I thought this one was funny. Clever girl.]
It’s like The Hangover put on an Ed Hardy shirt and changed it’s name to Chad. The worst.
Posted by: Tom Foolery in response to Someone Has Clearly Fast-Tracked Tucker Max’s I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell For The Worst Movie Of All Time
Score = 71
[Ed. note: that movie really does look terrible, doesn't it? I can't wait.]
This video needs to be shown to each of these kid’s parents with an accompanying lecture entitled something like “Look What You Did: Removing Your Child’s Empathy Through Entitlement Such that Even Minor Traffic Violations Must Be Rightfully AVENGED”.
Posted by: Skillet in response to That’s Your Boyfriend: Guy Who Pays For Impounded Car With Pennies
Score = 76
The True Story on why Gabe hates Gwyneth:
Posted by: VideoGummyBear in response to Gwyneth Paltrow Narrowly Wrests Her Title Of “The Worst” Back From Katherine Heigl
Score = 89
Gabe, on behalf of all the Videogum readers, I hereby officially Double Dog Dare you to attend and participate in the 10th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos.
Posted by: Andy in response to The Gathering Of The Juggalos Survival Guide
Score = 100
[Ed. note: I know that you you guys think that we are just swimming in Paper Heart money over here, but needless to say, we are not swimming in Paper Heart money over here (no one is swimming in Paper Heart money, anywhere). Also, I am not, despite many blog jokes to the contrary, ready to die. Not like this.]
This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment
I’ve been waiting for this one to pop up. I just want to say that don’t read this! This movie is actually good if you can just shut your brain off and enjoy! Besides, this writing on this site is terrible. A dog could do better.
Posted by: Passerby in response to The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Le Divorce
Score = -86
[Ed. note: you could kind of see this one coming. As I think someone pointed out in the comments today, it certainly feels like "Passerby" is someone playing a game with us. They know a little bit too much, and their poor grammar and lazy spelling is a little too on the nose. Passerby earned the three lowest scores this week, but it's appropriate that this comment, which was the first, takes the whatever-the-opposite-of-cake-is. Now, Passerby could be someone making a commentary about trolls, or they could be a troll, I don't know. This comment is certainly a little trollish, but it's also so painfully stupid as to almost seem like a joke? It's one thing to suggest that people should shut their brain off in order to be able to enjoy a movie--a stupid suggestion, but a suggestion--but about Le Divorce? An upper-middle-class drawing room comedy set in Paris? HUH? The part about the dog did make me laugh, though. I bet that is true! i would read that blog.]
This Week’s Editor’s Choice
Actually Tucker’s been pretty clear on his blog that they only put around 5% of the jokes that are in the movie in the trailer. The funniest jokes are also the dirtiest, so they wouldn’t be allowed in the green-band trailer, and the movie staff wants to keep the movie fresh rather than spoiling the best parts of the movie for all the fans months before it opens like every other comedy these days.
Posted by: Jonkers in response to Someone Has Clearly Fast-Tracked Tucker Max’s I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell For The Worst Movie Of All Time
[Ed. note: the day after the Tucker Max post went up, it was included in a link dump on his blog. He does the classic shithead tactic of talking about how psyched he is that everyone is calling him a shithead. What? Being called a shithead is horrible. You shouldn't enjoy that. Try enjoying better things. It's that whole "even if you hate me, I'm doing something right" mentality, which is ridiculous. Because he is not doing anything right. And being hated is awful. Having people talk about how your movie looks like the worst thing that has ever been made is a total bummer. Oh well. Tucker Max said that the trailer made me so mad that I put a typo in my post title, and he was right! I spelled "clearly" "cleary." Whoops, haha, that's not how it's spelled! Of course, I can fix the spelling of my post title pretty easily; I am not so sure that he can fix that fucking movie. But anyway, THE POINT IS, a bunch of Tucker Max fans came to the site and wrote comments defending him. I guess the stupid quote of his about the cost of movie tickets was taken out of context? That's fair. The movie looks pretty bad regardless of quotes, I think, but OK. But this comment makes me laugh. What is he even talking about? WHAT JOKES? I'm pretty sure 5% of zero jokes is still zero jokes. I also like that "the funniest jokes are the dirtiest" as in FACT. I also like "the movie staff." Sure, Doc Hollywood. Oh, and his name is Jonkers. Just all around, Lots of Love.]
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Was the deleted Gabeshopping job on the fake porn DVD post? I was wondering why no one had the cajones to put one up. I guess I was assuming we’re not such terrible monsters as Monsters’ Ball always makes us out to be (that is, as we make us out to be, because we are pretty terrible. Not Perez Hilton commenter-terrible, but we ain’t peaches. I am at peace with that).
Don’t belittle my monsterhood, kiss the pan!
I am terrible! I am
Omg, does your pygmy slow loris icon have juggalo face paint? and if not, please fix that, ‘kay?
yarp.
hmm, funny you dont look like the old constantinople!!! are you him or his troll, the horrible istanbul??
Yes. It was requested, and I figured someone had to have the e-cojones to e-deliver.
Sowwy, Gabe. I will be less rash in the future.
(I feel like I’ve been called into the internet principal’s office. I’m on the honor roll, I don’t get in trouble!)
To be fair, my comment about your porn cover photoshop was deleted too.
I’m still waiting on your “After The Gum” Oxygen special, Gabe.
Oh Perez Hilton, I told a boy at a gig that he looked like Perez Hilton tonight, he was not happy. CLICK FINGERS IN FACE.
The Gabe related content must be creepy for him though, especially when his head is Photoshopped on Joe ‘Technotwink’ Tedesco’s well-fluffed body.
I will save the existentialism for another day, that or Perez Hilton’s comment box (Videogum seems to be more popular than his site. Julie and Julia fails loads more than Paper Heart.)
Not according to the AV Club. Half that movie is good! Paper Heart? Well “it’s not a movie. It’s a MySpace page.”
enjoy the vortex, monsters
I have been noticing a recent craze in perusing the internet for photos of our beloved videogum writer, and splicing them up in sometimes humorous, often times creepy faux-photos, simply for the laffs and upvotes. Let’s hope this isn’t a trend with longevity.
Whoop whoop! Whoop whoop! Fun police just hired a new rookie! Party at the Blue Oyster!
I’m all for funz! Just not cheap fun that gets old after the second time.
i felt as weird looking up photos of gwyneth paltrow as i did gabe. i just got overexcited with a photoshop post possibility. i sleep better at night having done a megan fox/twilight/harry potter/juggaloo/true blood picture post.
sorry for being a creep.
No, no I say if you have a problem with the picture posts take a night school class in basic Photoshop and jump on in! Your new favorite show is Community on NBC anyways.
i got mad photoshop skills, i should be teaching that class.
i’m not only the president of the Community on NBC fanclub, i’m the vice-president.
Napoleon Complex’s creepy non sequitor of the day!
Why the HELL is David’s penis not circumcised? That bothers me. Jeez.
I agree. The last few weeks have been a bit Gabecentric, even in the regular non picture comments. I don’t know who Da Cake Eatur is, but he has excellent timing. His resurgence was a breath of fresh air this week.
As much as I love Da Cake Eatur (I love him/her/it a little bit most of the time, but sometimes a lot), I was a bit worried that all of the top 5 comments would be his, but none of them? Come on! What happened?
Sweet sweet justice
“The opposite of cake is doo doo pie.”
- Tracy Morgan
AW, c’mon Gabe, regardless of the finances, the Juggalo gathering will be fodder for a whole NOVELLA at least! The VICE article was great, but you could do better! Use your interweb savvy to find a sponsor, take up paypal donations, WHATEVER, you GOTTA go. I will throw in $5 even though I hate all the reality show re-caps. I’m sure there are readers that would spot you $100 easy!
IT IS YOUR DESTINY!!!
I will put $5 in the Don’t Go Gabe fund, because I prefer Gabe un-raped.
Agreed. I definately do not want Gabe to be sodomized by a Faygo and meth-fueled clowny clown clown. That being said, can we start a fund to send Tucker Max to the gathering?
I will gladly pay for Gabe’s tuxedo rental if he chooses to go to this event.
I was hoping the top 5 consisted of only photoshopped images of you.
You liberal elitists can say all you want about Tucker Max. But that sushi pants joke is hi.lar.i.ous.
You could probably swim in Paper Hearts money if it was all in pennies.
Come on Gabe, you can’t call us monsters and then expect us to play nice! You are the Victor Frankenstein of the internet; making monsters and then not taking responsibility for their actions!
Woo I did it! Number 1! Pop champagne. Really it was whoa!’s idea, I just formalized it. Thanks, whoa! Great job!
I’m serious about the “Send Gabe to the Gathering” charity fund, though. Would you do it if we fronted the cash? Enough cash for you to bring friends/buy body armor?
If you won’t go to the Gathering, does that mean you owe us a Double Dog Dare? I think that would be fair.
Thanks for not getting all Thomas Edison on me there Andy. I was quite pleased to see you take the top spot and make sure that this essential idea received its deserved attention. Well played.
Also, a Lord Quas picture never hurts.
That all said, the dream is on hold. The Gathering’s in full swing as we type; cannons are probably shooting people at people at this very moment. Maybe we wait until next year and help plan this thing out/ fund it? Maybe The Bloodhound Gang does something similar, but in the winter? Maybe Gabe would fit in a magic mailbox? Lots of “maybes” floating around with one “definitely.” “On hold” is definitely not the same as “dead.” Keep hope alive.
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Who is voting this down? This is the funniest thing i’ve read all day
You silly! I am totally a dude!
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shut up and leave then, really, its not very funny, that thing you do, you know by the oneders….
Hell to THE YEAH, Draper. You tell HIM. And then GO CHEAT ON your wife. Wait. SORRY SEASON 3 SPOILERS EVERYONE.
Get the FUCK OUT of here please, Passerby, unless you want to ADD TO THE TALKZ then BY all MEANS STAY! We WELCOME you. Just not IF YOU’RE a dick. Or whatever. YOU’RE a women SO I DON’T know how TO INSULT you without BEING a sexist PIG. FUCK.
i do that a lot in season 1 and 2, so its not really a spoiler if i do it more in season 3, i figure it should be expected at this point.
Well SHIT my BAD Professor of Mad Men AND DRAPER studies! It was a JOKE.
New spoiler ALERT: Don Draper FAILS TO ADVERTISE the computer, becomes A FUCKIN ASSASIN and goes BACK IN time to kill HITLER AND THEN fucks a women WHO DOES NOT happen TO BE THE ONE to WHICH HE is married.
Better?
Thats Mr. Draper to you, and yes much better. i KID
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And I know that’s not necessarily a popular opinion around here so go ahead, downvotes away! I’M NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS.
youre right it wasnt smart, ill be your friend anyways….i can accept others i dont agree with.
With an attitude like that, we’ll never find you a husband unless we bribe the silversmith’s apprentice with twice the goats and cows we would normally offer.
Give it time. An American Patriot annoyed the living BALLS out of me first few times. Now I laugh at everything he says. It’s some sort of internet Stockholm Syndrome, or something. OH FUCK. Is that what happened to y’all with Da Cake Eatur? Because I swear I will never find that mofo funny.
Anyway. You
Okay. I lost my train of thought. Let’s get STONEDDDDD
misspellings/stupidity > all caps/belligerence
But that’s just me.
But it’s not all caps, that’s what makes it great. Also, the dude is writing a book. Hilarious.
You are wrong, Pootie Tang. The Patriot’s comments often have a lot going on that you just don’t notice. He also contributes to the conversation, and often provides insights that others might miss.
For real. Sometimes I find him grating, but I’ll be damned if there isn’t a more needlessly complex troll out there. On occasion he’s outright insightful, and it makes me feel odd.
Buddy, at this point, of you’re not a joke, you are nothing at all.
*if
Damned iPhone!
I love ya, Godsauce, but can we make a rule where people who can afford an iPhone don’t get to complain about their iPhone?
Not all of us do lines of moon-dust cocaine off our gold-plated hookers while rolling in our time-machine batmobiles.
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Come on, Patriot. That was a joke, and an extremely lighthearted one. I even started by telling him I love him. I have a touch-screen phone, so I’m not Woody Guthrie over here. Friends?
Alright MAN. I’m sorry THAT WAS really uncalled for. ROUGH day, you know? LET’S hug it out, BRUTHA.
I will MAKE it up TO YOU someday. I swear, GOOD SIR.
No worries, good sir. But if you must make it up to me, you can finish that novel!
Thanks for the backup, friend. I appreciate your passion.
:p
Also, I choose to believe that this comment is so popular because it begins with an expression of love for me.
more like passerstay. heh heh heh heh.
on second thought, this only makes a little sense. sorry. i just napped.
Can I have a word with you, Passerby?
I need to make sure that you know that you’re in danger of failing Trolling 101. I understand it can be a tough adjustment, but we need to help you work through this, or else you’re going to have to repeat the term. What exactly are you having trouble with, and what can I do to help?
Touché, Lindsay.
I apologize if I am over-exhausting this Lord of the Flies comparison, but we should totally put Passerstay’s head on a stick as an offering to the beast. Becuase we have lost our innocence and are savages and whatnot.
where’s the creepy little baldheaded kid?
Although I wish I had been around this week for a shot at the Ball, I could not Photoshop my way out of paper bag, and even if I could I wouldn’t know how to put a picture-thingy in a comment-majigger, so I think I’m at a disadvantage from now on. ONE MILLION STRONG FOR WORD-COMMENTS!
TWO million STRONG FOR word COMMENTS!
Wait, that’s HOW THIS works, RIGHT?
thats boring though.. i mean yes can totally beat the photoshop posts, but bot need to coexist, cant we all get along, except passerby, its not really a good shtick..
wow, comment keyboard fail, im sorry guys.
I feel you, G.
Yes. Words 4 life! Seminars! BALLIN!!
These guys DEFINITELY KNOW what I’m talking about.
Juggalos and Juggahoes in full force.
Okay, I’m over it; I just wanted to see if I could post an image. Now I miss MySpace. No I don’t.
i imagine they all went back to their juggalo hive where she sucked all their cocks for faygo.
Bless these chilluns
At first glance, I thought that the Gabe-as-Juggalo picture was of Jaime Kennedy. That was enough to convince me that Gabe attending the gathering was a bad idea.
The Ball is so stressful. It’s like the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest all over again.
Let’s all shut our brains off this weekend and enjoy a little Le Divorce.
Does anyone else think this feature is weird? It’s like a circle jerk where everyone’s wearing a Gabe mask.
On the other hand, Gabe is hot(t).
I agree, technoshiveringjeremy. I’ve said it before, but I wish this feature would be nothing but Gabe’s picks strung into a semi-narrative of the week, and he’d forgo the vote tallies. I understand it’s good for traffic, and it really is fun to see the results, but it seems a bit awkward when everyone’s trying to make it to the ball. We’ve seen so many more comments that end with “downvote away”, and that’s telling.
It’s like the Oscars. Maybe some of us are trying to make quality movies for the wrong reason (TalbainJ), and that defeats the purpose.
Downvote away…
if only he’d TalbainJ’d harder…
What happened to him? Did he really leave the Internet?
i’m still here. hiding amongst the others. waiting. biding my time. waiting. soon. I WILL STRIKE AND YOU WILL ALL KNOW MY NAME
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I think everyone makes the joke(s) because you are taking a blog waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too fucking seriously, man.
“pump harder”
The strange thing is that the “downvote away” cry seems to get respect (or something) and typically gets upvoted more often than not. I tacked it on on in a reply to my comment in this post just to see what would happen, and at this moment, it’s in the positive.
The other thing that makes this all strange is if you miss a key comment or two, you can be totally out of the loop. I tend to skim past comments that aren’t from someone with an icon, so I totally missed a big part of the “passerby” drama going on this week. Internets are weird.
Let’s just send Gabe to Webster Hall’s “Circus Night”
It’s a gathering of Juggalos already, even if the Juggalos are over-tanned chicks from Jersey.
I haven’t really been around this week and after reading the wrap up it seems I missed a lot. I missed y’all and promise to never abandon again.
HOLY shit can WE PLEASE be friends? Your gif IS AMAZING. I loved THAT MOVIE, but I won’t LIE I BALLED like a LITTLE baby. Someone in PIXAR HAS experienced some SHIT LIKE that because it HIT ME ON a level I KNOW A little too well. UGH. Now I hear THAT SCORE IN MY head, and my eyes ARE GETTING a bit MISTY..
These comments are an emotional roller coaster!
This comment was supposed to be in reply to the two little spats that flared up in the wake of Passerby’s comment, and were quickly extinguished with everyone apologizing and being e-friends again.
My first post ever and I’ve already failed.
but you managed to reply to yourself! you’re learning! yay
Comments sections usually are.
RIP Mr. Hughes. A. O. Scott is right. (And haha sorry, Ben Lyons. It’s the economy.)
I upvoted almost everything in this thread because of how many LOLs and warm fuzzies this monster family provides. Good job everyone!
I’m desperately hoping this is referencing my earlier comment. Let’s paint, exercise, and create new Videogum phrases! (Yes my life is as empty as it seems, my wife will attest to that)
someday i’ll get a comment that gets scored into double digits…someday…
wait…i have…i feel so…average….
Wait, was Gabe saying that the photoshoped pic of that Juggalo on #5 a picture of him?? Or was he just talking about the other photoshoped pics of him? I have to know.
It’s Gabe.
Looking at the original again, I’m pretty proud of the job I did there. Go me!
Oh man those just blew my mind. a pocket watch chain? Really? I have to thiink things over
See moonmasters comment in this thread…
I’ll lurn two reed an rite gooder soon.
I could live without the porny pics of Gabe.
The best part of my week was when I tried to explain the complexity and irony of An American Patriot’s hating on Passerby to my boyfriend for 20 minutes. Then it occurred to me that if that had been our first date there probably wouldn’t have been a second.
i feel that way every time i try to talk to him about what’s going on in Mary Worth.
mary worth! what a busy body!
JAWBONE. I wanna call a truce, mang. I don’t hate you. And I don’t want no ill feelings.
And what better place to state this than the Monster’s Ball post.
Peace 2 U, homes
Tucker Max has fans?
I think there was an episode of degrassi where a girl posted topless pictures of herself on the internet, and then the school bitch photoshopped her head to Chris Martin’s body.
I think there was an episode of degrassi where a girl posted topless pictures of herself on the internet, and then the school bitch photoshopped her head to Chris Martin’s body.
I think there was an episode of degrassi where a girl posted topless pictures of herself on the internet, and then the school bitch photoshopped her head to Chris Martin’s body.
Downvote this comment because it is redundant redundant. (get it? because the second redundant is… redundant. ugh, i’m sorry.)
Hey I’m confused about what comments are included. Is it from Monsters ball to monsters ball? Or thursday to thursday? THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT
“I wrote this thread”
-Alan Ball
Starting a flame war with Kenny was an excellent start. Continuing it atop the John Hughes tribute post, not so much.
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Hey NOW now. I don’t think THAT KIND of talk IS REALLY called FOR CHAMP, do you? At least HE CONTRIBUTES to the conversations AND DOESN’T PULL a passerby (BESIDES, I am guilty OF THINKING he’s hilarious). But SHIT SON, if you wanna SAY IT BY all means SAY IT. I’m not GOING TO TREAD on your FREEDOM.
PS. I appreciate YOU DEFENDING me down there. THAT MEANS a lot partner. You’ve made YOURSELF an ALLY for life (JUST NOT in this case).
Thanks, dude. I appreciatez it. Here, have a share of my interwebs! BFFL!
Sorry; It’s 1 AM and I have “MMMBop” stuck in my head.
i don’t care for the sass of that tongue you’re givin’.
Sure, yeah.