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Why are Jessie and Camille cross-eyed? They are both so cross-eyed! Obviously, who cares, God didn’t make no junk*, but at the same time, if you knew you were going to be on TV, don’t you think you’d get your face situation worked out. Being cross-eyed is something they can fix, and Jessie and Camille are supposedly the type of people who can afford for things than can be fixed to be fixed. Fix your faces, ladies! Camille probably thinks it’s silly to get your cross-eyes fixed because she read somewhere that Voltaire had cross-eyes. She saw an article about how cross-eyed students were more likely to be in the 90th percentile or higher on their verbal SATs than non-cross-eyed students. Camille loves the SATs and one day she is going to marry them. And Jessie probably just hasn’t fixed her cross-eyes yet because they’re towards the middle of a long list of things she’s working on. It goes mouth, face, personality, voice, cross-eyes, body, decision making skills. One at a time!
That’s not nice. It’s not nice to pick on children who are going through a difficult transitional phase in their life. Everyone is testing out the boundaries of their sense of self, which is a long and arduous process full of shame and humiliation that requires patience and understanding. Haha, oh well! Jessie’s a thumbhead.
She is organizing an event for Operation Smile. She’s like “everyone’s asking me to model, and I’m like leave me alone.” We all say stupid stuff when we’re 17, but kids in New York grow up so fast that the stupid stuff they say is REALLY STUPID. Asked her to model what? Braces and corrective eyewear? That is mean. You know what else is mean? Jessie. She’s a monster. Sometimes, when she talks, I get scared.
HELP! IT’S GOING TO EAT ME!
Jessie is upset because PC goes out too much and doesn’t focus on her school work, and she feels like she is going to fail, and she can’t let her fail, but she also can’t save her anymore. Him! I mean him!
Sorry, PC. Sorry about all the:
I don’t know what Jessie’s problem is. If she’s worried about anything, she should be worried about PC always drinking ice coffee in the dead of winter.
ONLY IN NEW YORK! Seriously, what is that? Don’t drink ice coffee on a park bench in the middle of winter, you fucking dummies. Although maybe I’m the one who’s missing something, because in the very next scene, Sebastian is playing soccer in short sleeves?
Weather in New York grows up a lot faster than weather in other places. But anyway, if Jessie doesn’t calm down, she is going to end up on Lexapro for the rest of her life.
Kids say the darndest things.
Camille goes to visit Harvard, because she really wants to go to Harvard, because she read somewhere that going to Harvard will cure the crushing insecurity and self-loathing that she feels and make the sucking inner void go away. Probably not, but you can’t blame her for trying. On her visit, she meets your girlfriend:
Haha. One of the first genuine LOLz while watching this show. Scarlet does have a weird voice and she does bother me. Litrature. Who says that? Why, people who are on this show, of course. I’m sure Camille got home and wrote in her diary “must start pronouncing it ‘litrature’ the way the powerful women of Harvard doth.” And then she cried all her makeup off and went to sleep in her clothes.
Naturally, we don’t need to talk about Sebastian, the pussy-seeking human dowsing rod (or so we are told, by this show, which was created by and is marketed towards adults!), but where Jessie and Camille can’t get both of their eyes to look in the same direction at once, what is it with Sebastian and his inability to look at anything other than the ceiling?
Hey Sebastian, the show is down here! There are no cookies or apple juice up there, guy!
Meanwhile, things aren’t going so well between Taylor and Cole. Trouble in paradise. The honeymoon is over. The bloom is off the rose. He is smothering her by, you know, calling her and stuff. Sure. Cole tries to find her at PC’s secret penthouse party, which looks like a LOT of fun, btw. Just six high school kids and a camera crew, asking each other invasive questions and drinking warm white wine out of tall water glasses. Time of their lives, I’m sure. But Taylor isn’t there. Cole talks at PC on the balcony while PC rolls his eyes, because PC doesn’t have time for all this high school bullshit. I will tell you something: while I understand the feeling of not having time for all this high school bullshit, it’s very hard to make that argument when you are LITERALLY IN HIGH SCHOOL. All you have is time for high school bullshit. All day. Every day. Not that anything PC says makes much sense. During his relaxing ice coffee break he says that he’s excited to go to college where he can just have a clean break and reinvent himself. Yes, that will go great. You timed your appearance on a reality TV show perfectly. Your new friends are going to be completely respectful of that as a previous phase in your life that deserves no mention. Smooth sailing ahead.
So Taylor and Cole break up. Aww. Who doesn’t remember the first time they ended a romantic relationship. In front of a camera crew. Surrounded by ogling people. In Union Square?
Don’t worry, Taylor! It gets easier! Or at least it gets less crowded!
Next week: I keep waiting for the promo to say “on next week’s Season Finale,” but it never says that. Is this forever?
*Let’s be honest, God made a little bit of junk.
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isn’t iced coffee more expensive than regular hot coffee? Maybe that’s the point. Maybe when you’re rich and TV-famous and horrible, you always pay an extra 50 cents for them to put ice in your cup o’ joe.
Why does Jessie always look like she’s suffering from Bell’s palsy?
When is the “special kool aid drinking pact” episode airing? Now THAT I will tune in for
Between Harvard’s version of Kathy Griffin, Camille and Sebastian in museum and Cole showing up at PC’s party, this is the funniest episode of the season, hands down.
Also, how is Cole not being tried for attempted murder with all the smothering that has gone on?
I love how Sebastian didn’t realize you aren’t supposed to touch art in an art gallery. Was this kid raised by wolves?
Thanks for the update. I tuned in, but spent all my time and focus trying to keep up with the on-screen promos in the lower right-hand corner, so I missed most of the plot.
Maybe Sebastian was talking to Jessie in all those pictures and was looking up to avoid her cross-eyed gaze.
Nice to see Matthew Lawrence get some work.
Jesse = a less cute version of a domokun
We are all aging PCs.
Can we please do a new season of the Simple life with this ENTIRE cast? “NYC Prep to get your ass kicked by someone who just worked a 12 hour day and is not amused” ITS A HIT!
So did PC come out yet or what?
HATE CRIME!
Cole was (relatively speaking) the sanest of the bunch, so of course Taylor would break up with him.
The fact that Sebastian hasn’t been hit by a bus yet is proof that God doesn’t exist.
God is dead, people. And he had a tiny jacket.
at this point, i almost feel like making fun of these kids is like making fun of someone with a developmental disorder. it’s sort of wrong. they can’t help who they are!
except in these kids’ cases, the conceivably could, and then i get sad for them. that’s ultimately how i feel about them. sad.
i’m sure making fun of a member of the harvard faculty on national television will really help these girls get into harvard.
right? every second of this show is basically them fucking up their futures. schadenfreude!
Every recap I read on this site feels like The Re-education of iamsosorry. Thank you.
If you scroll down the page really fast it looks like Sebastien is watching people play tennis on the wall of that room.
So am I the only one that noticed how much back Sebastien had when he was kicking the soccer ball around?
And the scene with PC and Taylor in the candy store kind of warmed my heart.
Wow. I’m the worst.
When I read these re-caps, I pretend they are a hilarious story that Gabe wrote about what it might be like to watch teenagers get a Bravo-style reality show. Then, I’m not as sad.
I kept waiting for Cole to hock a loogie ala Sebastian while being dumped by Taylor. Also, what’s up with the 16 year old comb over. Sebastian gives me whiplash every time he tries to flip his hair back. I’m not sure what this show is going to turn me into sooner – an curmudgeonly old man “Cut your hair!” or an advocate for homeschooling.
I don’t normally like to make fun of children’s looks but those girls with their close set cross eyes make me insane.
“Weather in New York grows up a lot faster than weather in other places.”
I’ve never watched this show, and never will. But lines like that are still enough to make the recaps worth it.
i think sebastian sees his future looming on the ceiling which is why his gaze goes from wonderment to a slight hint of terror.
wait, wait, wait. you’re telling me that the Harvard lady WASN’T mira sorvino?
I don’t know guys – cole was a little terrifying. forcing taylor to discuss her “past” (I use that word VERY loosely) with sebastian in front of him? sitting taylor down with his ex and saying “ex-girlfriend. girlfriend. talk. be friends”? just showing up at a party she never even told him she was going to? that’s kinda your boyfriend. but at the same time, if I were in a relationship with taylor, I would kill myself because she seems to grow more and more soulless all the time, so.
fuck I hate myself for spending time thinking about this. despairgum.
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My main problem with Camille is not her eyes — which are, though, still a problem — but her yellow ass teeth. Seriously, she has the teeth of a geriatric smoker who has been drinking soda mixed with coffee and spiked with red wine every day of her miserable existance. Not even her horrible red lipstick can make those teeth appear even the slightest bit not discolored. Every time I watch the show I hope she doesn’t smile b/c of those corn kernels — and because she kind of has the face of the two-headed dragon/monster in Willow. Think about it.
Excellent recap, as always. Surprised it took this long to point out Jessie and Camille’s cross eyes. And I don’t think braces will cure Jessie’s annoying lisp, which makes her seem even uglier and thumbheadier.
I’m surprised you don’t mention the dark haired friend of Jessie and PC. Aside from being friends with those two, she seems the most reasonable person on the show, not Cole, who is just a douchebag.
While PC may be gay, the kid has wickedly good fashion sense. He is a slick motherfu*ker, you gotta give him that. Aside from some questionable glove things and the occasionally gay accessory, the dude knows how to dress.
Taylor really is just a robot, a cherubic robot without any hint of personality whatsoever. But she is pretty, so she’ll get far in life.
This show fascinates and repels me…
Really, AnimalStructure, PC is a slick motherfucker? He has good style? The way he dresses simply reveals what an overly image-conscious prick is. PC probably gets fashion ideas while he jacks off to Details magazine.
Sara – do you walk around wherever it is you live? Do you not see how most guys dress like utter dorks? Kinda like Cole? I personally don’t think it is something to be derided in men when they have a fashion sense. Now PC may be gay, but even if he wasn’t, he’d still be called gay for dressing well. Women complain about the way guys dress, and when they meet a guy who dresses well and knows how to put himself together, they say he’s gay.
Feel free to disagree here, but you’re wrong. PC is a good dresser. And I don’t see how being a prick is related to being image conscious. Do you wear make-up? Watch what you eat? Try to be presentable when in public? Then you’re image conscious, and that doesn’t make you a prick. PC is a prick, but it has nothing to do with the fact that the dude knows how to put an outfit together.
Side note, but I can’t believe GABE didn’t mention the sighting of Jill Zarin’s arthritis-ed out kid at one of the parties they showed last night. So not only did we have that stupid cunt who put Bethenny on the cover of that shit magazine hanging out with PC, but now we also have another tangential member of the NYC housewives. What a bunch of cloistered, incestuous pigs. NYC Prep grows up to be Real Housewives of NYC. I fuckin’ love it!
Oh and Sara, spot on with the yellow teeth comment. Strikes me as a spoiled brat who was afraid of the dentist as a child so her parents never made her go. Much like the Lasik both she and Jessie desperately need.
“By the way, he/she/it’s wearing eyeliner” is a new insult.
Both Camille and Jessie (especially Jessie) look like the character Beans from the show Even Stevens. Google image that shit.
I’m young myself, so I don’t feel terrible for making fun of these kids.
But what is with Camilles hairline? I think thats what bugs me the most about this show (besides the obvious stupidity of it). Why does she seem to be missing a whole chunk of hair on the left side?
Come on PC. We know Taylor is not a “project.” You are LONELY which is okay because you’re in high school! People get lonely and make new friends to get away from their walking hate crime of a best friend, Jessie. Seriously, the girl is the worst jewish stereotype. What? She is!!
I am beginning to find Camille interesting. What? I think I kind of like her?? I don’t know anymore.
And all laughing matters aside(okay, it’s actually kind of funny) my friend used to have eyes very much like Jessie’s back in highschool and guess what? She got some damn contacts to correct her cross eyed problem! Now we were by means poor, but these kids make the prep school I went to look like a dump, and they can’t afford simple braces, contacts or (goddamnit you girls!) some subtle highlights? Also Jessie, I was once a spoiled brat. I know that you can have special voice lessons to correct that lisp you have going on.
This made me laugh aloud “And then she cried all her makeup off and went to sleep in her clothes.”
are there no kids with normal sized eyes in new york?
and are these seriously the best looking, most engaging kids they could find?
because what i am saying is that these kids are really not good looking and they are all total idiots and i question the rationale in choosing them.
because they’re ugly.