Paula Abdul, whoever that is, is leaving American Idol, whatever that is. Just kidding. I know who Paula Abdul is. She’s the lady who popped out of the ink well on Scat Cat’s song. And I’ve heard of American Idol. That’s where Justin Guarini jokes come from. Anyway, goodbye Paula Abdul. You will be missed, I bet, by people who actually watch that awful show. From the Hollywood Reporter:

The “Idol” judge made the announcement on her Twitter feed:

“With sadness in my heart, I’ve decided not to return to ‘Idol’ …I’ll miss nurturing all the new talent,but most of all being a part of a show that I helped from Day 1 become an international phenomenon … What I want to say most, is how much I appreciate the undying support and enormous love that you have showered upon me … It truly has been breathtaking, especially over the past month … I do without any doubt have the BEST fans in the entire world and I love you all.”

Paula Abdul made an “important” announcement via five consecutive Tweets? UNSUBSCRIBE. I do like this remark in the AP article:

Her tweets, however, seemed to have an air of finality.

That’s a sentence someone wrote. I’m sure the Pulitzer Prize committee is frantically sanding someone else’s name off of a re-assigned medallion as we speak.

Whatever. Paula Abdul was super lame on that already pretty lame show. She provided completely weightless verbal pampering to children, and a target for Ryan Seacrest’s limp jokes. Also she was on drugs. Constantly.

Nevertheless, this must be a difficult time for Paula right now. One can only imagine what she’s going through. Well, that’s not true. One can also watch what she is going through:

Where is God when you need him, because this does not make any sense. Right these guys? The children of Darfur will be praying for you, Paula.

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Comments (34)
  1. Allah  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    “I’ll miss nurturing all the new talent”
    Can we put this on her tombstone?

    • DS3M  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

      Didn’t she get in trouble for too much nurturing with a puerto rican justin guarini clone?

  2. jimjbollocks  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    “Where is God when you need Him?”
    He doesn’t exist, because He committed suicide after seeing this.

  3. daebhid  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    She’ll be back on Idol next year… as a chair.

  4. MarkyBob  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    Lay off Paula, you guys. SHE IS A NATIONAL TREASURE. She was really nice to me when I won the third season of “American Idol,” especially that time when my cocaine ran out and she let me borrow hers.

  5. Captain Boring of the S.S. Shut Up  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    I couldn’t read the article after I saw the headline because my eyes were filled with tears. What a summer bummer. I guess all my undying support and enormous love wasn’t enough…

  6. thesprawl  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    Where is god when you need him, when there is a Bratz movie?

  7. Calliwell  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    You tell’em Paula. Straight up tell them cold hearted snakes!

    Again…I’ll just show myself out.

  8. Teh Cazbar  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    http://gawker.com/5330260/paula-abdul-announces-shes-leaving-idol-bonnie-fuller-says-shes-lying?skyline=true&s=x

    Easy tiger, not quite sure this isn’t a huge stunt… this way we’ll get to laugh at her two more times! (when she makes her ‘comeback’ and when she actually leaves…)

  9. whoa!  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    Which word is worse for adults to use seriously: “Tweets,” or “Bratz?”

  10. DS3M  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    So wait, was she doing for this shite movie anyway?

    • DS3M  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

      WHAT WAS* she doing…

      • Radi0Waves  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

        She was supposed to “design” their clothes. But she was fired. For timliness or some such. And for being Paula Abdul too much.

  11. Dan  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    She spoke to the coke-addicted has-been in all of us.

  12. *TOMMO*  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    This is actually good news for Paula, as it allows her more time to develop a sequel to her 1978 vehicle “Junior High School.”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XRoa8C8VbA

  13. bananafana feux  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    Incredible how much that interview reminded me of a Sarah Palin interview.

  14. Shane2012  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    Um, Justin Guarini has his own sketch comedy web show, so who’s getting the last laugh? Oh right, no one because it’s the worst thing ever made.

    http://www.sketchedouttv.com/index2.php

    • whoa!  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

      I can’t believe you just did that to me.

    • moonmaster  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

      For all of us who were eagerly awaiting his follow-up to “From Justin to Kelly”.

  15. MYHAIRISABIRD  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    “being a part of a show that I helped from Day 1 become an international phenomenon … “= I built this motherfucker now I’m burning it down. This a big positive you guys.

  16. Smokey Harem  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    Paula! You don’t work for “the company” anymore! Now you can COM-PETE!!!
    STRAIGHT UP NOW TELLLLLLL MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

  17. GradStudentsAreTheWorst  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    I don’t know how I’ll be able to watch Idol now that she’s gone. Wait, what?

  18. Marianne  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

  19. kiss the pan  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    Farewell, Paula. We wish you the best as you return to the waiting, loving arms of MC Skat Kat.

  20. Ugah  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    HAHAHA The Amish are so funny!!! LOLZ!
    ))<>((

    • Ugah  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

      That was clearly in reply to Marianne. Downvote away…

  21. Marianne  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    You would think the Amish were funny if you knew them, Ugah. Oh yes you would. Kiss kiss.

    • Sharkleberry  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

      Next time you take a shit you should really do it behind closed doors.

  22. donnytilla  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    the summer of death continues…

  23. Elizabeth  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    I bet the Bratz movie SUCKED without Paula Abdul.

  24. twinextralong  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009

    Did anyone else always suspect that it was really moonshine in that glass she was drinking from on the show?

  25. reneelucky7  |   Posted on Aug 7th, 2009

    She was wasted on every episode. Probably drinking Captain and Coke. She was like “slup,slup,slup……uhhhhh I thiink thaaat your greaaaat……

  26. caringiscool  |   Posted on Aug 19th, 2009

    i would enjoy entourage a lot more if this happened every time vince’s career/personal life took a blow.

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