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Is your heart sitting down?

Obviously, I love this video. You love this video. Your mom loves this video. Barack Obama is thinking about making this the National Video.

But I also hate this video.

Because I can already see myself some night in the future, standing in the doorway of my future child’s bedroom, a glass of something in my hand, sweat prickling on my brow, heavy with the weight of knowing that I have failed this poor little human with my lack of love for it. Because no matter how hard my future child might try, my future child will never be this child–the best child–and I will resent it for that. And I will ruin it. OH WELLOL. (Via BoingBoing.)

Comments (67)
  1. If this video wasn’t recorded in Portland I will be surprised.

  2. Expectations are the worst. Especially impossibly high ones.
    THAT LITTLE VOICE!
    This child = prodigy of cuteness.

  3. Oh man, this totally makes up for that last post. My heart and soul are back together again. Whew! Thanks, Gabe!

  4. Lucky  |   Posted on Jul 28th, 2009

    Do you keep saying child because you cant tell whether this is a boy or a girl either?
    (this is the cutest)

  5. Oh stop lying Gabe, we all know that your last (third) child graduated from college 8 years ago, a few years before you and your wife Miriam retired.

  6. P.S. There are more.

  7. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

  8. Kids have Prince Valiant’s haircut the darndest things.

    (also: adorableness)

  9. What makes the whole Johnny Cash experience even more authentic is the kid was high on amphetamines when he recorded that.

  10. “but I shot a man in weno / jest to wawtch him diie”

    Oh man! We should set him up on a play date with the Eulogy for Goldfish Expert Girl, since they are both operating on the same Specialists-in-Awesome wavelength.

    • That line coming from that kid is like ‘don’t laugh, don’t start crying at how fucking adorable he is singing such a horrible sentiment. Don’t laugh. Don’t…see, you’re laughing at a small child singing this line he barely even knows what it means. Hide the tears of joy. STOP LAUGHING.’ That vid is fucking TOTES DORBS. It’s OMGx1Mil.

  11. “When I was just a baby…”
    That was not that long ago! :) Cute!
    (But I thought this was a girl at first….)

  12. oh my god.

  13. This is amazing, but you should see Apple Paltrow play her golden zither while mummy watches her yoga teacher pick up around the house.

  14. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    • rachel  |   Posted on Jul 29th, 2009

      I am pro-kid singing, as long as the following conditions aren’t met:

      1. No Kidz Bop.
      2. No precociousness (why Jackson 5 is permissible).

      Throw in an adorable lisp and I am sold.

  15. When I see things like this I know that my parents just didn’t love me enough to put me in fun music classes. Now I’m mediocre. Thanks mom. Guess who’s not getting a birthday card this year (probably both of us).

  16. Do the clearly superior San Quentin and I’ll be impressed.

    (seriously though, awww)

  17. Totes adorable, for sure – but if you imagine the kid doing ‘God’s Gonna Cut You Down,’ this goes from cute to creepy really quickly. Something’s wrong with little Hamlet…

  18. yomomma  |   Posted on Jul 28th, 2009

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

  19. When is her Flinstone Chewable Vitamins addiction going to start kicking in?

  20. Trevor  |   Posted on Jul 28th, 2009

    Man, the Juggalos are going to lose their minds over this kid’s set.

  21. Kira  |   Posted on Jul 28th, 2009

    Girl or Boy..Someone let me know!!

  22. Who the fuck cut his kids hair? Emo Phillips?

  23. The icing on this awww cake is the Who shirt.

  24. Isn’t this one of Uncle Jesse’s twins from Full House? I’m glad you all find proportional dwarfism to be so ‘cute’.

  25. This is the Johnny Cash life story in reverse. Sing songs and THEN get life experience.

  26. OK fine the kid is doing a cute thing. But really? Assuming it really is a boy what kind of parents give a boy a haircut like that?! I’m sure the kid is fine kid I don’t want to be full on grinch here but encouraging kids to do stuff in front of lots of people is a good way to turn them into monsters down the road. At least he’s not acting the fool ’cause he knows the dumb grown-ups will laff at it.

    Sorry I don’t like to be so negatory.

  27. I know a couple of kids from a “rock-n-roll” family, and trust me, you didn’t miss out on that much. When they’re on stage, kids love ‘em. When they’re not, they’re still huge dorks.

  28. Some Person  |   Posted on Jul 28th, 2009

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

  29. Kiki   |   Posted on Jul 28th, 2009

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

  30. To be honest, I would love to watch this kid “acting the fool”. I feel like he could pull it off just as well as this. Maybe he’d do that Snoop Dogg country song and make it even more ridiculous!
    That’s some gathering-ready Wicked Shit right there.

    seriously though…he’s got pretty cool parents and he gets awesome credits for remembering every word…even I don’t know all the words to this song by heart, and I just got my Johnny Cash-elors’ Degree.

  31. Marty  |   Posted on Jul 28th, 2009

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

  32. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

  33. This little boy should shoot his parents just to watch them die for giving him that haircut.

  34. Slumberjack  |   Posted on Jul 29th, 2009

    Her earlier work was way better.

  35. But I also hate this video.

    “Because I can already see myself some night in the future, standing in the doorway of my future child’s bedroom, a glass of something in my hand, sweat prickling on my brow, heavy with the weight of knowing that I have failed this poor little human with my lack of love for it. Because no matter how hard my future child might try, my future child will never be this child–the best child–and I will resent it for that. And I will ruin it. ”

    Gaadaamn, smile motherfucker.

  36. curtis  |   Posted on Jul 29th, 2009

    The song is how I feel, the voice is how I am.

  37. You know of course that this is Billy Corgans new lead guitarist for The Smashing Pumpkins.

  38. Anonymous  |   Posted on Jul 29th, 2009

    You know what? A lot of you people are a-holes. This kid is fretting the guitar with his right hand, singing (from memory) while playing, AND has pretty great rhythm and phrasing. You try doing that at age 5 in front of an audience — not easy by any stretch, especially with tiny, not yet adult-strength fingers. Oh well, everyone is a critic on the internet. Let’s be snarky and ironic — and throw him in some insults about a cute kid’s appearance while we’re at it — to show how cool we are, as we hide behind our monitor screens (also known as Perez Hilton Syndrome).

    MsQuinn, I applaud you for logging in to downvote that idiot.

  39. NEENER  |   Posted on Jul 29th, 2009

    Way better than 100 percent of the crud on Funniest Home Videos. Very cute. I concur.

  40. AWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
    Way better than 100 percent of the crud on Funniest Home Videos. Very cute. I concur.

  41. AWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
    is what i meant to say.

  42. I’m sorry I triple posted as well. Work computer. Dtunnel to view videos. Slow response time. /apologies

  43. a) Thats a girl, or else that dude is playing the gayest flower-covered guitar ever; and
    b) i saw this girl play back when she was 3 in her pack-n’-play. so, yeah, you hipsters aint shit.

  44. wow i thought that was a little girl

  45. looks like Andy Dick in Old School

  46. I cannot believe this is true!

  47. felony flatt  |   Posted on Sep 25th, 2009

    A five year old singing, “I shot a man in Reno.” is not cute. It’s peculiarly American!

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