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Surf’s up, dudes and empowered grrrrls! Jonas Brothers! As you may have read in the Hollywood Reporter this morning (every teen’s go-to resource for da fresh entertainment gozzip), they are going to be making a new The Secret of NIMH movie, tentatively titled Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH. “What’s The Secret of NIMH?” you’re probably asking, as you ride your Razor Scooter over to Jamba Juice for an awesome, healthy snack. “Sounds gay.”
NO WAY DUDES, IT’S SUPER NOT GAY, AND WE DON’T CALL THINGS GAY ANYMORE, THAT’S NOT FRESH! MANDY MOORE!
The Secret of NIMH is an ancient movie (1982, pre-Pogs) that recounts the epic tale of a beleaguered family of field mice led by the widow, Mrs. Frisby (aka Brisby) beset on all sides by evil rats and murderous humans. X-BOX 360! But all of that is in the past, with skeletons and ghosts and your old rollerblades.
Check out the dizzope plot for the rizzemake:
Mrs. Brisby Bauer is a member of a covert intelligence operation called R.A.T. (Rad Action Team). She works as a hacker. Sick! She can get into any system. Her codename is “The Shadow.” One day she discovers that an evil rat from the Rat Taliban is going to try and commit a terrorist attack (if you’re 18, and a dude, don’t forget to send in your legally mandated registration for Selective Service! Doing your duty is dope!) on the cheese factory. She will only have 24 hours to use whatever tactics are necessary to get the information she needs. But Brisby Bauer’s got a secret weapon hidden up the Gore-Tex sleeve of her tactical uniform: she can rap.
Tell your parents to point their web browsers to http://wwww.fandango.com. Demi Lovato!
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Tubular!
Videogum Comment Hall of Fame, no sarcasmo.
With each line of that plot summary… I died a little inside. Space Ace!
Huh?!?!
1982 pre-Pogs? Hardly.
DISABLED MEN
Disabled men who live at home must register with Selective Service if they can reasonably leave their homes and move about independently. A friend or relative may help a disabled man fill out the registration form if he can’t do it himself.
Yeah, get someone to help you with that form…cause the military is easier than filling out a paper form. Ker-plow.
The secrets of Nimh are kept in a safe behind gold bars, extensive family stalking records and a box full of invitations to Eyes Wide Shut parties.
<3 Teen Korner. Gabe, did you have a crush on Lindsay? Check: [ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Maybe
I did.
Huh? Where’d the first part of my post go? Did I only imagine writing it?
Time to send me to the National Institute of Mental Health… Nicodemus4Eva.
For half a second I thought this summary was real. Then I relaxed. But then I realized that the odds of them adapting this wonderful book into anything that isn’t CGI-kiddie trash are impossibly high.
Fuck, this feature makes me want to drink/makes my soul day.
http://www.avclub.com/articles/late-night-2-gop-0,30967/
Shatner makes it all a little easier, BTW.
So, who’s going to be the first to remind folks here that the old movie was based on an older book, and this remake is actually going to be more faithful to that book’s plot, character names, and themes?
And then who’s going to remind that person that this isn’t a place where we let silly things like kids’ literature get in the way of a good Jamba Juice reference or Jack Bauer laff by saying “relax, professor Newbery Medal, this isn’t librarypastegum.com” or something like that?
…I guess it’s me. Both times.
“We can no longer live as rats. We know too much.”
I would like to sadly point out that I predicted this in our last round of “What’s Even Left At This Point?”
I’m not proud.
Kahdooz to you then. But you did kinda cover your bases going three ways on that.
Oh no doubt, I was just putting up my Worst Possible Scenarios and WHOOPS, somebody in Hollywood actually decided to do it.
I have no idea what’s going on with this post.
I’m so confused.
Too many zz’s in there
But Dom DeLuise is deceased. Who will do Jeremy justice?! He was allergic to caah…to caaah…to cats!
also, kids love him and he loves the kids!
Despite the owl terrifying me as a small child, I always thought the whole thing could have really been more XTREME. So I am glad they are remaking it to fix that problem.
Your avatar reminded me that NIHM was a ray of sunshine compared to the Last Unicorn. Still shudder thinking of that vulture urging the Mia Farrow voiced unicorn to let him out of his cage.
And of course there’s always Watership Down to cheer you up on a rainy day.
I’d rather not know my dad’s secret of NIMH.
I’m holding out for the inevitable WATERSHIP DOWN remake.
Are you sure that plot summary isn’t about Katherine Heigl? “Her codename is ‘The Shadow.”‘
no, Katherine Heigl’s codename is “I Castrate Men With My Laser Eyes”
Hollywood should be even MORE ahead of the curve by making 80′s movie-remake-mash-ups! The Rats of Nimh meet Short Circuit’s Johnny 5!
Did anyone else accidentally see The Plague Dogs (which, btw, does not belong in the children’s section) when they were 7 and have to scream “Mommy! The doggy didn’t mean to shoot that man in the face!” and then have to have nightmares for 4 years and then have to be traumatized when they were 27 by its re-release?
gabe, you continue to selena gomez my world.
KIDS! what am i saying again?
The teenagers don’t even laugh and teenagers are STOOPID!
1st: Last Unicorn is a monument to all things psychotic and awesome. The songs were by America. case closed.
2nd: It wasn’t a vulture, it was a Harpy… because it’s incredibly important that we are accurate here, people. “We are Sisters, you and I…”
3rd: I’m so glad to be reminded of The Secret of NIMH, and how I’m going to run home and add it to my nostalgia collection (All Dogs Go To Heaven, The Last Unicorn, The Duck Tales Movie, Rockadoodle, et al.)