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Dear Summer of 2010,
I am writing to you from the summer of 2009. Do you remember it? What a summer it has been so far, and it is only July! For one thing, many people have died. Summer bummer! Ed McMahon, Billy Mays, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Walter Cronkite, and Karl Malden have all died! (And Ron Silver, Bea Arthur and Dom Deluise died in the spring, which unless things have changed drastically in the past year, is very close to the summer!) There was also the whole Iranian political uprising. Remember? When Americans bravely changed their Twitter avatars green? Oh, and it rained a lot, at least in New York, which was kind of a drag. Has it rained a lot so far in the summer of 2010? Do people still write such boring letters in the summer of 2010? They probably write boring HOVER LETTERS, am I right?
From here, it is impossible to know what things are like where you are. Sure, it has only been a year, but a lot can happen in a year. The world is so different than it was 12 months ago (Barack Obama is president, the Black Eyed Peas are back) that I wouldn’t even dare to guess what is in store for all of us. Predicting the future is a fool’s game.
But I can tell you one thing that is happening where you are right now (spooky!). Unless the Earth is covered in water–and let’s be honest, there’s a more than decent chance that the Earth is covered in water–Wipeout is still on the air. I just read this morning (2009) that ABC has already ordered another season of Wipeout for next summer. Congratulations! You’re probably sitting around on your hover chairs drinking your space juice and thinking, “they don’t make rocketcars like they used to, but at least we still have Wipeout.” You would think that a show like Wipeout wouldn’t need to be ordered a year in advance, what with its hastily cobbled together Chuck-E-Cheese set and its campy sports announcers as if it was a real thing. You’d think you could just wait 10 months, see how things are going, and then put the production into place at the last minute and no one would be able to tell the difference. Although one of the show’s producers said that they’re building a new set for next summer (goosebumps) and that it will be “nothing like anybody has ever seen.” Oh really? Do people get punched and bopped and knocked in the head with padded objects until they fall into a pool of mud? Because that is a lot like something that people have seen.
And will continue to keep seeing in 2010! Yay! (Yay?) Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get to the lake house to mail this.
Sincerely,
Gabe “Big Balls” Delahaye (Sorry)
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Dear Summer 2009 me,
Watch out for that bus!
Sincerely,
Summer 2010 lakehouse me
breaker breaker this is spaceship to planet earth
Hopefully, Dating in the Dark will be back next summer too!
Cuck-E-Cheese sounds like something I might find on YouPorn NOT THAT I GO TO YOUPORN OR ANYTHING.
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Dear Summer of 2010, remember when I had swine flu last summer? Let’s paint, not excerise, sweat, and be sick on a ten minutely basis.
full disclosure: i have a secret love for this show. true story.
There is NO reason this show should be entertaining. Yet here I am, walking into my first meeting at Wipeout Anonymous as well.
i don’t get it either, but when i watch this show, i laugh and keep watching it.
I love it when they get fat people to do this crap. This poor woman got hit in the face with her own tits.
I can’t stop staring at this.
I’d prefer sex if it was like that. Moving obstacles, check. Hit onto a spongy ball into water, check. Obese woman, check. Orgasm, chhhhhhhhhhh-eck!!
Not to nitpick or anything, because this all amounts to a really amazing lesson in physics, but it looks to me like that woman got hit in the tits with her own face.
what’s really baffling me is the mud ejected from her bosom. seems like physics just wants to add insult to injury. sometimes science is an asshole.
“physics makes us all it’s bitches”
Shit just got oblique.
I will only refer to this show by its Spanish name: “¡Guaypaut!”
Sandra Bullock must be having such a great time in 2010 right now!
“HOVER LETTERS” made me Lots of Love. Thanks, Gabe.
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Wait, are you saying the Chef Boyardee is delicious and beat up a turtledragon? I say go America.
I actually feel like I should enjoy this show a lot more than I actually do.
It doesn’t ever rain in Austin Texas.
I honestly love this show but I also might have a little bit of brain damage from getting hit repeatedly on the sucker punch wall
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Well, we’ve got 495 more years of it – we know it’s called “Ow! My Balls” in 2505
I would love it if this became a weekly feature; like a reverse time capsule with commentary.
Somewhere, Most Extreme Elimination Challenge is crying it’s considerably more awesome eyes out.
Wipeout totally freaks me out, padded or not there are too many sharp corners to fall on.