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You guys, let’s just get to it.
This Week’s Highest Rated Comments
This is not death metal. This is not even metal. This is just death.
Posted by: Booruns in response to This Is Your Music Video: Confide’s “Such Great Heights”
Score = 91
I’m not here to make e-friends.
Posted by: That One in response to Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments (7/10/09)
Score = 117
“Roads? We are going to fly this car in the sky because of the future.”
Posted by: NateScott! in response to Best New Party Game 5
Score = 118
“We’re doing our best” = Gabe has several Firefox tabs open at once.
Posted by: oh. in response to A Few Things That, Admittedly, Videogum Has Missed
Score = 133
[Ed. note: Relax, oh..]
(looks down sadly at polio crutches)
Posted by: ladders in response to This Is Your Music Video: Confide’s “Such Great Heights”
Score = 194
[Ed. note: Haha. This comment isn't funny out of context, but if you go back to the thread and read it in context it is TBS Very Funny.]
This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment
You are such a douche. This show is great, but hey, why not be that guy. Good work at being a complete piece of shit.
Posted by: Tim Weyers in response to Entourage: It’s 2004 Somewhere
Score = -99
[Ed. Note: Well, Tim Weyers, I am not going to say that you did not deserve this. Not because you like Entourage. There is nothing wrong with you liking Entourage. Lots of people like Entourage. (Duh!) But come on, mister. I'm not a douche for not liking something that you like, just like you are not a douche for liking something that I don't. That's not how liking things works. (Similarly, I am not a piece of shit, for mostly the same reasons.) And my frustration with the tepid anti-dramatic non-stakes of Entourage's brotastic glamorization of materialistic over-indulgence and chauvinistic sex as competitive sport started long before I worked at Videogum. And even if you disagree with my opinion, I certainly took the time to think it out and explain exactly what it is about the show that I don't like, which is more than I can say for your hastily farted out opinion here. I know that you returned to the thread to explain yourself and tried to tone down the rhetoric, but maybe too little too late? Why did you not start with the calm, friendly rhetoric from the beginning? It would have made your point much stronger! You would have provided a welcome counter-point to represent the (many) Entourageheads out there. If anything, though, Tim Weyers, you stand as an important lesson to us all. We can all do better at expressing ourselves! Myself included! So thank you for that, Tim Weyers.]
Editor’s Choice
Gabe, I love you, you know I do, because of how we’ve never met but I frequently log into Videogum and read your pithy bons mot and laugh my poor, anonymous proletarian ass off. However. If you bitch much more about how very irksome it is to get paid to watch movies, surf the net, write diamond-briliant pitch-perfect recaps thereof and be showered with fawning adoration and scrilla, you’re going to piss me off. And I know you don’t want to do that because of the love we share, ibid. Nobody likes people who bitch about relatively enviable jobs, during a recession, Gwyneth. Your boulder is thiiiiiiiiis big (I’m holding my fingers and thumb up TOUCHING because zing!).
Posted by: Sarah B. in response to The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: My Boulder Sucks
[Ed. note: You know what, Sarah B.? YOU RIGHT. I do get paid to watch movies, surf the net, and write (your words here) "diamond-brilliant pitch-perfect recaps thereof and be showered with fawning adoration and scrilla." I have a (you again) relatively enviable job. And we ARE in a recession! I mostly have fun writing this site, and I can't tell you guys enough (which is why I almost never tell you at all) how glad I am that you are reading in the first place. I'm man enough to admit that SOMETIMES MY DIAMOND SHOES GET TOO TIGHT. It's good to be reminded that there are worse things in the world than being white in America, in relative good health, and writing stupid pop culture commentary for a living. Gwyneth Paltrow, c'est moi! (SIDENOTE: This is a rare moment of self-realization and acceptance of fair [and, let's be real, mostly flattering] criticism, and should not be interpreted as motivation to the trolls [monsters hiding amidst monsters] with their anti-good vibrations. But I suppose that is beside the point. The trolls never need motivation. For the trolls, being a troll is motivation in and of itself.)]
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And we lost a troll this week. Until I emailed him. And got this as a response:
“it’s COMING
http://anamericanpatriotnovel.blogspot.com/”
Ooooooh boy, you guys.
Congrats Becca, Constantinople, Gabe, Kiss the Pan, and Michael Bay?
THAT is AWESOME.
Is that Al Roker in the boat?
ha! that’s hilarious… Istanbul’s in it too – in a spectral dream cloud floating above us all.
but, yea… time for me to GO OFFLINE and talk to some flesh and blood people.
I am so deeply touched. My avatar gets to share a boat with Constantinople’s sloth(?)! Keep on keepin’ on, AmPat. Hope he COMES BACK NEXT WEEK and GIVES US an exciting UPDATE!
There’s so much going on with that page. I love it. I married that page. This is how I met your friend’s website.
I am so jealous of those who made it into this picture. My life is so empty. I am uncertain of the causal relationship between those two facts.
Why am I the only one who can’t seem to see the picture?
You’re not. I suspect no-one can see it, and that we’ve got some Emperors New Clothes shit going on here.
Seriously folks, what are we missing?
i couldn’t see the pic on google chrome, but i could see it in firefox.
the emperor is swathed in layers and layers of vestments!
Woah, so many layers. I don’t really the appropriate adjectives for that, so I’ll just frame it to hang above my bed.
Ok, that’s pretty great. I need to make that my background.
Looking at that picture with Danny Elfman’s Batman theme playing was the highlight of my week.
P.S. I don’t think our Patriot friend can be considered a troll anymore. He’s super positive and part of the family now. In other words, I miss him already.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
“You guys don’t even know what movies or music are good” is the new “I’m not here to make friends.”
I’m hoping to consistantly have comments in the 20-40 thumbs up range. I’m looking for longevity.
I don’t know if I could deal with the possibility of a life as a Videogum comments 1-hit wonder, trying to relive the grandeur my Top 5 comment over and over with each comment becoming less and less witty due to the UNBELIEVABLE PRESSURE.
I know, right? Diamond studded shoes, man. The best/worst.
a long time ago, before monsters’ ball started, i posted a comment that gabe said was the best comment of the week.
it’s all be downhill since then.
i’ve just given up at this point.
Ever since you introduced the Monster’s Ball, this commenting shit has been redonkulous. On my original account I’ve gotten 40+ thumbs, and even when I had to make a sequel account (because the original grossed 100 million “can’t log in on my new laptop and Videogum’s half-broken comment systems”) I was getting some 20s and 30s.
After the Ball started, my current highest is 8. Are people saving their thumbs? I know we’re in a recession, but you have unlimited thumbs on this website.
I’ve noticed an increase in thumb usage. We didn’t see no 194′s back in the day!
Maybe the pressure’s just getting to you, kid. Relax, breathe! You’re a champion!
But remember that if 20 people give you thumbs up (thumb ups?) and 20 people give you thumbs down, you’d still be at 0. Maybe you’re good at making the exact same number of people happy and angry.
I can’t wait until the top 5′s from multiple weeks end up competing against each other in some kind of Gauntlet challenge of witty comments! Why has no one come up with such an idea?!
I was hoping you would pick that comment Gabe. It was a good one. It served as a reminder to myself that I get paid to surf the internet and read your witty blog and not even have to write about any of it. Life is not that bad for me either. I need to put back on my diaper and compose myself. Thanks Sarah B.!
Aw. I was hoping Harry Potter would be the movie club pick for this week.
i’ll be watching that tonight. my twilight hate doesn’t extend to witchcraft and magicry. emma watson’s 18 y’all.
You know the diamond studs are supposed to go on the outside, right? And the baby seal skin goes on the inside. Do that and your diamond shoes will never feel too tight!
Sigh, new money. They’re always encrusting the wrong side of things with diamonds.
Guys, the shoes are not diamond-studded. They are SOLID DIAMOND SHOES. Because diamond studs are for suckers.
The “Lindsay can suck a dick” comment wasn’t the lowest rated one? Come on, you guys, where’s the justice? Or perhaps completely ignoring that troll was the best option. That’s what he wants, right? So good job you guys on not making that the lowest rated comment. Forget I ever said anything.
i imagine it wasn’t the lowest because buenosueno is the worst troll ever. do you know how hard it is to fail at being a troll?!
We understand that getting to watch movies and write about them is a pretty sweet gig, but that doesn’t make having to watch the world’s worst movies a less painful experience. In that case, I say bitch away, it’s what we pay you for!
what a life you must live, gabe! diamond shoes! (ouch, though. i wouldn’t bleed for fashion).
i want to ask sooo many questions (without seeming like the biggest internet perv ever – impossible, i know) about your lifestyle:
how many people come up to you in a day and say, “omg! you’re gabe from the internet! i thought you lived in my computer!”?
and
how many times has videogum gotten you laid?
sooo many times, i’m guessing.
So many times by his girlfriend.
A few weeks in, Monster’s Ball seems to be less about our comments and more about Gabe taking an opportunity to respond to a few comments of note, which is fine. Just interesting how this feature has evolved in its short life. What I’m saying is, don’t Butterfly Effect yourself back in utero to hang yourself just yet, Monster’s Ball weekly franchise.
How does the thumbs up/down thing work? I’ll occasionally upvote a person, only to see their total increase by 5 or ten votes. Or, I’ll downvote someone and their score will will increase. Is it some sort of super complicated maths thing, or just a little buggy? I ain’t bitching, just curious.
The score you see before you vote isn’t always accurate. Something about browser cookies, maybe? I don’t know. Your vote always counts for +1 or -1, but the final score only refreshes itself after your vote, sometimes.
Thing is, and this is really quite pathetic, I’ve actually gone back to read some old posts (old WMOAT, actually), upvoted a comment (like I say, pathetic) and the same thing happens sometimes – it moves up like 5 points. Unless there’s a constant stock of aggrieved fans streaming through the Ballistic: Ecks Vs Sever review, that doesn’t make any sense?
Those posts are picked up by search engines, surely. They are popular enough on their own within the Videogum community. If you are going back to old posts and voting, chances are that you’re not the only one.
That is my understanding too, that it’s a cookies issue. I am working directly with SixApart (they make our blogging software!) to fix a multitude of Videogum and Stereogum bugs, so I will try to get an answer on this.
I know lots of people are still having problems commenting (e.g., currently I can only comment in Safari and not Firefox).
If you can’t comment or log in, definitely delete your cookies (just the Videogum ones is fine, you can do that under Preferences) and see if that helps. Go team!
Dammit, another week, another miss at the Monster’s Ball.
Each non-winning comment is another cut I give myself on the back of my thigh.
Start practicing your zingers for next week.
Awww, don’t worry about it. Like Gabe says all the time, we’re a family! And sure, while some of our siblings may get the chance to shine on the Videogum fridge for their highly rated comments, it doesn’t really matter at the end of the day. Just relax. Once you take the pressure off yourself, you’ll write a comment that’s a real winner! Hug it out…virtually!
Aww, thanks.
I’ve… got something in my eye – excuse me!
besides I still <3 almost everything you say and you almost consistently get an up vote from me because your avatar makes laugh. Also, when is cutting NOT hilarious? <3 <3 <3
OK, that’s hardly a haiku.
It’s good you recognize where you are Gabe. Obvs none of are mad at ya about it. But when you’re grinding out a shitty 9-5 and your buddy is bitching about having to fly to Portugal and Spain for work it can be frustrating. (an old housemate used to run Thievery Corporation’s record label). Again, nice to see you’ve got your head on straight. Well done, kadooz to you. (I need to stop saying that)
Clearly I deserve some kind of honorable mention for instigating the past two winning comments with my own comments. Just kidding. Unless I can put it on my resume, I don’t care.
kadooz
Hey, would ya look at that… I guess I’d like to thank the Academy, it’s an honor just to be nominated, blah blah blah…
In all seriousness, I wish this feature was limited to Gabe’s commentary on a select few posts, and that he’d do away with the whole popularity contest. But it seems we monsters are a hungry sort, and we must be fed!
Point of order: All acceptance speeches are supposed to be 5 words or less. Duh.
I’ll be honest, I didn’t even think that comment I made was that funny. But awesome! This is probably a bigger boost to my self esteem than I ought to admit.
I changed my IP address I93 times to vote for that comment. It was TBS very funny.
‘Fanwing’? That’s a nice neologism, Gabe. I’ll casually drop it in when discussing geopolitics. It could be the new FTW, or something.
My comment got past 110 (the person above mine got past 130) on the Twilight post. Please take this into account next week. I was studyin real hard this time, teach.
Yeah I have 150 now on my Twilight response, which puts me in second place.
Where’s the love?
Oh, you corrected it. Now I’m gonna sound ridiculous. THANK YOU, GABE.
Wow, there are so many people to thank, and I lost my notes in the limo on the way here from the Brown Derby, and… seriously now: I’m, you know, humbled and stuff like that. The truth is that right after I pressed Submit on the comment about him and his boulder, I winced. Discontent is relative (with the exception of Gwyneth, who needs to put a sock in it for all time, world without end, amen), and far be it from me (normally) to begrudge a fellow worker their divine right to gripe about it. My lack of a fuliflling job is my own damn fault; I’m sure Gabe has had a few ego-pulverizing 9 to 5s. Also, aside from my icky full-tme job, I’m a published writer with a roof and a daily bone to gnaw, so WTF, Me? If I’m jealous of Gabe for being so damned funny and smart for a living, or if I’m sad about scraping change off the car floor to drive to a job I don’t like, it behooves me to do something constructive about it, not hang out on V’gum and comment my sad little match-girl life away. Anyway, Gabe, thanks for being such a sport, and for yanking the rug of my own self-pity out from under me. It’s from Ikea, my rug of self-pity; it’s got a medium shag and goes really well with my Side Tables of Amused Remorse.
No really, I fell out of my chair when I read that comment. I could’ve replied ROTFL and actually meant it.
… Awkwaaaard
Damn, I’m fucking famous. Expect a Powers-esque level of bravado in the coming days and weeks.
Not falling for it.
Even me?
Really? Shooting for the lowest? Did your parents not teach you to dream?