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Albert Camus, who I guess was a blogger or something, but before Twitter existed, once wrote:
Sisyphus teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises rocks. He too concludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to him neither sterile nor futile. Each atom of that stone, each mineral flake of that night filled mountain, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.
Well guess what? Albert Camus is dead now. So looks like he was wrong. One must imagine that Sisyphus was like “fuuuuuuuck.”
New round of WMOAT nominees after the jump, you guys:
The Lake House
The Road to Wellville
Le Divorce
Beowulf
Caligula
Rachel Getting Married
The Forgotten
Gran Torino
Georgia Rule
Honey
Gone in 60 Seconds
Funny Games
In The Land of the Women
Closer
Woof. IT LOOKS LIKE MY HEAD WILL BE IN A PERMANENT YOGURT CUP! As always, a review of the official rules.
- It cannot be intentionally horrible*.
- It must have at least one A- or B-list movie star in it. (No “outsider art.”)
- It cannot be Glitter. (Or Crossroads.)
- It has to have had a theatrical release.
- It must be available on Netflix.
- No matter how bad the movie, it cannot be based on a popular superhero.
- No musicals.
- No Robin Williams movies (Addendum: In a lead role. Supporting roles will be considered on a case by case basis)
- Addendum: No children’s movies.
- Gabe is the boss.
Remember in the Dark Knight when the Joker said “and here we go”? I guess my point is I wish the Joker would blow me up. (Funny enough, that is also what she said!) (Huh?)
*A quick note on this rule, because it is a very important rule, but it has always caused some confusion. Perhaps instead of “intentionally horrible” the wording should be changed to “obviously horrible” or “unquestionably horrible.” The Crankheads tried to call me out a couple of weeks ago when I argued that no one intentionally makes a bad movie. “Aha!” thought the Crankheads. “We have caught him!” said the Crankheads. “He used the word ‘intentionally’ in the Rules and now he is using the word intentionally again! CRANKHEADS FTW.” Well, no. Sorry, Crankheads. The idea behind this rule is the same as the rules that the nominees must have a movie star in them and have had a theatrical release. Because obviously there are a lot of terrible movies in the world that someone made using their Aiwa Walkman and a bag of Lender’s bagels. They didn’t intend to make a bad movie, either, but they obviously did. And what is the fun in picking on them? The Worst Movie of All Time will be something that people have actually seen in large numbers, that includes the participation of otherwise smart and thoughtful and talented people. It will probably have grand ambitions**. And it will ultimately be a colossal failure. I hope that this helps clear things up, Crankheads.
**Admittedly, no one is arguing that Gone in 60 Seconds had grand ambitions. But any nomination that includes Angelina Jolie with dreadlocks has it coming.
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I would like to nominate something. Certainly some consider it “important” (it even received the Criterion Collection treatment more than once), but even those who recognize it’s importance aren’t likely to revisit the film too often (i.e. twice). Gabe I think you are a funny guy and seem like a decent human being. Still, it’s time to gouge your eyes out – for America!
Salo
http://videogum.com/archives/gabe-and-rich-watch-a-movie/gabe-and-rich-fourfour-watch-a_019351.html
He’s already done something with it.
Hey thanks. That was a good read!
I still selfishly demand that Gabe take on Running With Scissors and eventually undertake ‘The Hunt for the Worst TV Show Of All Time’.
Sadly, attempting either would probably result in Gabe’s untimely demise by his own hand.
I can’t believe you haven’t done Juno yet.
Please do it, I need someone with your articulate wit to sum up why I hate it and why everyone else should too.
You were right not to believe because he covered it already. http://videogum.com/archives/backlashes/the-one-year-anniversary-of-th_040181.html
Righteous Kill needs to be on the list. It’s hilariously bad in ways that Ashton Kutcher can only dream of.
Wow, Caligula. We have elected to make Gabe watch porn and then tell us about it. I didn’t sign on for this kind of website. But fur realz, that will be an intereresting WMOAT.
At the first glace of this new list, I was a bit disappointed (no BLINDNESS? no THE HAPPENING?). But now, I see these are some great choices. A lot of these, like CRASH, are considered somewhat defensible, even loved. And as much as I completely dig Gabe’s writing style, I really can’t wait for the comments to his reviews of GRAN TORINO, RACHEL GETTING MARRIED, CLOSER and FUNNY GAMES. CALIGULA and HONEY, however. . .what? These both seem to be directly in conflict with Rule #1 (even in its revised version).
And I would recommend watching both versions of FUNNY GAMES to understand the greatness/horribleness (depending on your opinion) of that one. I suppose that makes me a bad person. Oh well.
“Gran Torino.” It must be done. Must.
“Rachel Getting Married” is the worst movie of all time.
three cheers on gran torino! i fkn hated that movie from start to finish – but it got 4 and 5 stars EVERYWHERE! Man people are on crack. Everyone except you, Gabe!
Gran Torino was an AWESOME movie!
I can’t believe you still haven’t watched Domino. It is, without a doubt, the worst movie I have ever seen in my life. Most likely, it will be the worst movie I will ever see in my life. It is aggressively stupid and so thoroughly joyless to the point of hostility. I want to sucker punch every single person who was involved in the making of this movie.
I second Domino.
Kingdom of Heaven. Yes. Orlando sucked it in that one.
Rachel Getting Married was fucking awful and uncomfortable, but I’m sad there’s no Fun with Dick and Jane on the list. It’s saaaad when rich people get fired and have to become criminals instead of getting a new job, y’all!
I think that only films which set out to be great should be considered as “The Worst Movie of All Time.” A lot of movies that been reviewed by Gabe and yet to be (i.e. Beowulf and Gone in 60 Seconds) never set out to do this. Although reading Gabe’s take on them is hilarious, we all know (including the filmakers) these films never intended to be great, they’re just bad movies that provide some entertainment. Nominees like Juno and Grand Torino however are perfect. Just my take on things.
THANK GOD “The Forgotten” is on there. I will anxiously await what will no doubt be the greatest WMOAT entry ever.
The Knowing wins by about 800 furlongs in the suck-fest race.
Here’s one to put right AT THE TOP of your list for Round Three:
“Freedomland.” I’m pretty sure that was made by retarded people.
Wow…Road To Wellville and Funny Gmaes in one round..?
You, sir, are doomed!!
I wanted to nominate Funny Games 20 minutes into my viewing of it!!
do collateral. anything with tom cruise in it now just makes me laugh. also jamie foxx= the worst (minus Ray). Are two x’s really necessary?
Well, Gran Torino is actually good, but really, Bangkok Dangerous (Nick Cage version) is really something you should include.
Stay – I mistakenly thought the cast of Naomi Watts, Ryan Gosling and Ewan McGregor would mean this would be mediocre at worst. How wrong I was. But almost worth it for the line “There’s too much beauty to quit. There’s too much goddamn beauty.”
The Sweetest Thing – This one may violate rule #1. My apologies.
Ghost – Easy target, but still.
Girl Interrupted – Once again, the Academy shows us they have a great sense of humor. We get it, Jolie. You’re a crazy, sexy badass. We effing get it already.
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Little Buddha. The movie where Keanu Reeves plays buddha. Yeah it’s even worse than it sounds and it has an elephant sex scene in it.
I haven’t seen but a few of the movies listed, but the one’s I have defiantly belonged. I’ve always thought the worst movie ever was The Shadow (till The Marine came out but I don’t think John Cena counts as an a-lister).
I haven’t seen but a few of the movies listed, but the one’s I have defiantly belonged. I’ve always thought the worst movie ever was The Shadow (till The Marine came out but I don’t think John Cena counts as an a-lister).
My grandfather was an extra in the Road to Wellville! I’m all extra excited now. (It was a total piece of crap, but he was in a waltz scene, and got to draw back in horror when someone was wheeled through the hall.)
COLOR OF NIGHT (1994) meets or exceeds all qualifications for WMOAT
Don’t be fooled by Hudson Hawk, that was just a head-fake before they pooped out something really bad, I mean it’s like the EXECUTIVE DECISION of baloney mystery romance movies.
I hope that you will please consider it for the next round. Thanks.
Cutting Class staring Brad Pitt.
Cutting Class staring Brad Pitt.
why have you not talked about how bad House of D is yet?
The Beach with Leonardo DiCaprio
Employee Of The Month (2004) – the one with Matt Dillon, Steve Zahn & Christina Appelgate
This one takes the unnecessary surprise twist to new levels…
Even though it was nominated for Choice Movie Scary Scene at the Teen Choice Awards (for “Jonathan stares at TV static when spirits appear”)… White Noise.
You’ve not seen Worst until you’ve seen Bounce (Gwyneth + Affleck + plane crash, but no don’t get your hopes up, they survive) or Frailty (the directing debut of Bill Paxton! definition of necessary).
Dracula 3000 – it’s a Dracula film… but in space! It’s got the guy who starred in Spaceship Troopers, with a supporting role filled in by none other than…. Coolio!
There, now you HAVE to see it.
Just Like Heaven, please! because it’s about social issues and ghosts.
And Closer reminds me of Derailed, how it’s so confusing and awful, and how, by the end, you just want everyone to die.
Here’s my impression of Gabe watching “Funny Games”
“Oh, here is this movie that is the Worst and I will watch and mock it. ”
*Roll Credits*
I NEED AN ADULT!
I just checked what was on the Netflix Top 100 and literally more than half of those movies should be eligible for this!
I nominate Click.
(500) Days of Summer
Junior?!?!!! You’re kidding me, right? What’s your next nomination, American Beauty? Titanic? Is nothing sacred?
whoops, that was meant to be in response to KPP. holy sheesh.
Funny Games! Breaking the fourth wall in comedy is, in rare cases (i.e. Spaceballs) a good move…but in a “horror” movie? Come on…
Wanted. The Informers. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Twilight. He’s Just Not That Into You. The Transporter.
America’s Sweethearts. ugh.
Preemptive nomination: The Time Traveler’s Wife.
haha. vowels.
goddamn. that was supposed to be a reply to billypilgrimisunstuck’s post about wedding vowels.
I am so perplexed by people defending Rachel Getting Married. I tried to like it and went in with an open mind but any watchable scene was made unbearable by that freaking neverending violin!!! What the hell!?? Also people who have weekend-long, self-congratulatory, artsy-fartsy alterna-weddings are just the worst. WORST!
Words cannot describe how glad I am to finally see Beowulf on this list. Thank you.
Did Employee of the Month have a theatrical release? Dane Cook/Jessica Simpson. If so, I nominate!
BONFIRE OF THE VANITIES is the worst movie I have ever seen. It was almost 29 years ago and I can still remember a) How unbelivably bored I was and b) How pissed I was that I paid money to see it. Horrible!
Righteous Kill (U.K. title: Precious Viagra).
My endearingly naive boyfriend picked it up in the new releases section of the video store, thinking it might be good because it featured Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino. They portray two old, old, old police detectives, one of whom (BUT WHICH ONE????) is a vigilante killer because the system is broken and justice must be done.
When would two 70-year-old actresses be cast in roles where one was the boyfriend of gorgeous 30-something Carla Gugino, and the other (BUT WHICH ONE????) was able to call forth at will a sufficient boner to overpower and rape her? Never, that’s when. I will say I was mesmerized by Al Pacino’s hairdo.
50 Cent is not bad in this movie; in fact, he takes Al Pacino to (acting) school.
Vile, cynical dreck.
I’m amazed that The Day After Tomorrow is not on the list of nominees..
has nobody seen The Happening? horrendous piece of shit full of (and directed by) people who are mostly not shit all the time. Mr. Night Sha-na-na isn’t always spot on but this is as though he directed it while receiving a lobotomy. What a bad, bad thing.
I might be getting ahead of myself, but I have a feeling The Box should be on WMOAT list. (I created a profile just to say that after having seen the preview)