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This lady named Cameron Diaz, whoever that is, got her own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame last night, thereby lowering the value of all of the stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I am just kidding. About not knowing who Cameron Diaz is. I know who she is. I’m a professional. But I’m not kidding about being confused as to why she is getting her star now. It must have been the infamous What Happens in Vegas bump.
The only other reason I can think of is because all of the following people* already have their stars:
- Jonathan Taylor Thomas
- Pauly Shore
- Laurie Metcalf
- Andy Milonakis
- Michael Clarke Duncan
- Victoria Jackson
In that case it would only be fair for Cameron Diaz to receive what is clearly no longer an honor. Either that or a bunch of Hollywood Walk of Fame Stars fell off a truck, and someone’s cousin needed to sell them fast.
*Sincerest apologies to Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Pauly Shore, Laurie Metcalf, Andy Milonakis, Michael Clarke Duncan, and Victoria Jackson. No offense, you guys!
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It costs $25,000 to get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, truly a sign you have made an impact on the culture. MOVE OVER LAZLO PANAFLEX, Cameron Diaz needs a place in the sun!
So you mean instead of eating food that won’t eventually kill me and paying rent for a year, I too can be immortalized on a chunk of concrete? Dumpsters, here I come!
So I looked up the list of people who have stars on the walk of fame so I could make some joke about some untalented hack weirdo who got a star. Holy Christ, that’s a long list. I started to feel a little down that I don’t have a star.
How about starting a list of people who should have a star over anyone in this post? I’ll start:
- A cardboard box
A cardboard box isn’t a person.
FUCK YOU AWKWARD SPACING ON WEBSITE
EXACTLY.
Man that’s like giving David Schwimmer a star now. He doesn’t have one does he? If he does it must be from his Kissing a Fool/ 6 Days 7 Nights era.
tommy wiseau should get two stars.
Hey, Godzilla’s got a star, why not Cameron Diaz?
Kirstie Alley and Tim Allen is as far as I went in researching sub-par stars bringing down the value of this award. Cameron Diaz doesn’t actually seem like that much of a stretch considering.
Laurie Metcalf’s Hollywood Walk of Fame Star is LONG overdue.
ANDY MILONOKIS HAS A STAR?! woah!!! is this a joke?
The only thing that would make this weird is if she doesn’t have a film coming out right now. If you notice these things, that’s when most of them happen. I don’t remember when Ryan Seacrest got his, but that was the one that invalidated the whole institution for me. There is still the Hollywood-esque problem of where your star is located and how that reflects the status of the current local real estate market… At least Bruce Lee’s is in a prominent place
My Sister’s Keeper, release date June 26th, 2009
Yeah, it’s become a marketing ploy, and it’s usually paid for by the studios. Horr-ay for Holl-y-woood…
“No offense, you guys!”
sounds like somebody’s afraid about getting punched in the face by JTT (or alternatively Will.I.Am: defender of justice)
I will fight him any time, any where.
Physically.
What’s wrong with Michael Clarke Duncan? Didn’t he win an Oscar for the Green Mile? What more does Michael Clarke Duncan have to prove?
It’s a joke on us.
I’m surprised that nobody’s made a semen reference yet. Well done, team.
… Or did I just do it. Sigh. I see the door is this way…
Just wait until her film with Richard Kelly comes out this fall. You’ll never hear an end to the jokes about Cameron Diaz’s “Box”.
I just want to know why she insists on keeping that horrible Cougar Den SNL sketch alive. Why Cameron?
- This guy.
Even weirder is the concrete handprints forecourt of Grauman’s Chinese Theatre. It’s made up of exclusively the biggest classiest stars, Cary Grant etc, but in one corner there’s Steven Seagal. Just how big was Under Siege? I think we’ve all forgotten.
Didn’t JTT win an Oscar for being so goddamn cute? So he obviously deserves a star then.
Hey, hey, hey…Lumping the great Laurie Metcalf in with these people is not OK. Jackie Harris is one of the greatest characters in television and it was brought to life by Ms. Metcalf. You should take it back.
I take it back.
Thank you.
I’ve been really set back by the breathing complications caused by my 16 hour days in the mines of Appalachia, but I understand from this post that a blonde-headed girl got an award for being the most famous. Good for her, I don’t begrudge anyone their prizes. I’m sure she does a lot of good with her fortune, probably like Melinda Gates.
But I have to go back now, down to the dark, eerie quietude of the mines, far below the earth’s surface.