There’s a reason he’s called Roger Ebest. Read the whole thing. Here.
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oh come on. Who goes to see a movie like Transformers expecting it to be some amazing allegory about mankind? It’s a dumb action movie. And when I go see it this weekend I hope I get a really dumb action movie playing on a screen in front of me because that is what I’m paying for.
But no, didn’t Ebert write a really positive review of the first Transformers? I can’t find it at the moment but I remember being just crushed by his approval of it.
You ever heard of Google? A simple search of “Ebert Transformers” yields this result.
ebert’s site was down momentarily when I was looking.
what’s all this about google?
This makes me actually want to see it. I never even remotely cared about seeing it before, but now….
Bring on the Bayhem!
Will robo-buttholes be the new ‘put some nuts on it’?
Foreshadowing for the next sequel. Transformers 3: Truck Nutz
roger ebert can’t lose! fine wines are like him!
Duh Aficionado Magazine.
But yeah, Ebert admitted in his review of the first one that the CGI orgy in the third act was sole reason he didn’t give it four stars. Hmmm…
I blame the decepticon balls.
roger ebert is your hero
Peter Travers Twitter review: “One word review of Michael Bay’s Transformers 2: hunkajunk.”
“You can’t outrun an explosion” is my new motto for everything.
Indeed. However, do not forget the invaluable lessons of M. Night Shamalamadingdong and Mark Wahlberg, who taught us that if you are fast enough and alone enough, you CAN outrun the wind. For that knowledge, I am truly thankful.
“They take their son away to Princeton, apparently a party school, where Judy eats some pot and goes berserk. Later they swoop down out of the sky on Egypt, for reasons the movie doesn’t make crystal clear, so they also can run in slo-mo from explosions.”
Looks like Ebert has been reading Gabe’s WMOAT posts…
critics are assholes. this movie is going to be loud, stupid and ridiculous beyond compare. it’s going to make a bajillion fucking dollars, and i’m going to be right there opening night, grinning like an ape, enjoying the shit out of it.
$500 million spent on 2 transformer movies, including marketing, yet universal healthcare, national daycare and flying cars elude America’s grasp. Corporate America could have spent at least half that on Robot Maids (a real robo-maid or romantic comedy about such). Now that would be useful.
I’m not trying to defend “TF2: Rise of the Worst” in anyway but consider that in a bad economy this movie helped to create some American jobs. I live in Detroit and as the car companies fall, there is a lot of talk about movie studios opening up here. The first Transformers did a lot of filming in Detroit (and then said it was supposed to be LA)
So yeah, it’s mindless expensive entertainment, but as long as America is the number one place that produces this schlock, and as long as people are willing to buy said schlock, then at least it’s helping to keep some people employed. Crappy movies and TV shows are like… America’s sole export at this point.
He’s right, you guys. Now if only we could bottle tits and explosions, we’d all be rich. It would be like those Perri-air cans in Spaceballs, but when you open it, you get slapped in the face with robo-buttholes.
Yes, please, more robot genitalia jokes. You know how much those turn me on.
I feel like I need to add that this is one of the best reviews ever. The scorn, it is so casual, but so zesty as well.
Then you’re an idiot. It isn’t wrong to go into a movie expecting a story that makes sense and actors playing actual characters. You might as well watch the special effects company’s demo reel, if that’s all you care about. Did you actually like the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels? Because that’s what this movie reminds me of. The guy who wrote those movies said he doesn’t care about story. He comes up an a crazy, exciting sequence, then something even crazier and more exciting, then something even bigger, etc. That’s what movies are becoming.
They should have just let the stupid robots blow up the sun. What do fucking robots care about the sun? THEY’RE ROBOTS. THEY TRANSFORM INTO SPACESHIPS OR ICE CREAM TRUCKS OR WHATEVER.
Wait, wait, wait just a minute! Critics don’t care for Transformers 2? HHHHHHHWHAT?
It seemed like a good trashy snarkfest until this paragraph where he starts getting personal: “There are many great-looking babes in the film, who are made up to a flawless perfection and look just like real women, if you are a junior fanboy whose experience of the gender is limited to lad magazines.”
What is wrong with Transformers 2 is wrong with America.
“If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. ” – Roger Ebert is the fucking man!
“They also make speeches like this one by John Turturro: ‘Oh, no! The machine is buried in the pyramid! If they turn it on, it will destroy the sun! Not on my watch!”‘
Nice dialogue. Also, John Tuturro is the one protecting the sun from exploding…
Gunfire hurt the aliens in Aliens, Mr. Ebert.
the picture says megan fox and sam witwicky – LOL
Did you know that if you rearrange the letters in “Roger Ebert” it spells “Robot Murder”?
(No it doesn’t. But it should.)
TF2′s robo-stomach is hurting from getting kicked in the Auto-balls.
This talk of robo-buttholes really gives new meaning to a rusty trombone.
I just found an awesome q&a with the cast members of Transformers 2. There were clips with MEGAN FOX where she talked about SHIA LABEOUF and how she thinks she is ?useless? to herself. Josh Duhamel and Tyrese also talk about the movie and which Transformer they would want to be. Personally I am an optimus prime fan! Here?s the link:
Hope you enjoy as much as I did!!
So, by my logic, Ebert was the judge of the dick measuring contest and McG won.
Wait….youre telling me this movie isn’t real because they outrun explosions? Wow and talking robots that transform seemed so real. Its an action movie based on a cartoon, not an epic based on a world famous novel. If you are looking for some “real” grow you hair long, wear tight gay jeans, use big “Dawsons Creek Lingo” and go rent independent films….have some tea while you are at it. The movie was great if you like to see flawless computer graphics in a movie with 70% action scenes. Roger Ebert wouldn’t know a good movie if it came up and gave him a swift kick in the scrote.
Transformers 2…Like the fat rich kid at school who’s parents are never around and always has chocolate on his fingers and cookies in his backpack and who also has a copy of Penthouse his older brother bought him and will show you it if you come to his house and play Nintendo 64 with him after school, which you do, even though you’re pretty sure you hate him, but still, I mean, come on…It’s Nintendo.
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