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The 1980′s and ’90s spawned a treasure trove of anti-child-abuse PSAs and Very Special Episodes, and the archeologists over at Everything Is Terrible are still sorting them all out. But what I want to know about this latest one, Stranger Danger, is this: why does everyone want to molest this goofy alien thing?:
Also, it’s not even a child! It’s just an alien with bad clothes and a bike. Who apparently wants to eat a goldfish. And is very easy to kidnap.
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i think its a sea monkey
Did that man rape that sea monkey behind a bush?! I wish I could unwatch things!
No more playing find the pickle with strangers, Dang it!
Eric Stoltz? Is that you?
Rocky Dennis! Where the hell is Cher in this video?
I like how he got out of bed fully dressed!
maybe aliens were doing a study of human kiddy diddlers?
because this seemed less about molestation than teleportation.
also, why so much emphasis on tripping over the bike???
You’ve made the connection between teleportation and molestation. You can now progress to OT II: The Wall of Fire. That is all.
tom cruise and ‘nem are officially coming for you.
where’s your xenu now?
To be fair (well, as fair to this nightmare as it deserves), the emphasis on the bike is cracker jack EIT editing and was probably not in the original video.
Lesson: If you are a noseless prepubescent alien, don’t talk to middle-aged white men who are wearing less clothes than you.
I thought the lesson was if your alien is about to be raped, don’t forget to teleport to a sidewalk bistro.
Why would anyone risk prison time to molest such an ugly kid?
Ummm, is there actually a neighborhood where people are mowing their lawn at 7:00 in the morning? Also, usually it’s about afternoon before the sun is ridiculously hot, so why is the man already shirtless and sweating profusely?
you obviously haven’t lived in the deep south.
sweaty shirtless men at all hours of the day (and night)
not to mention our rampant seamonkey problem
sooooo, dont run after frisbees into bushes, or you might be sucked into some sort of weird portal thing?
This is alien propoganda. Those guys aren’t molesters. They’re government agents, trying to protect our country from the alien menace and the danger he poses to humanity through his constant mugging at the camera.
Everything about this is WTF. Why does the egg seem to make the sea monkey dizzy at the end? Why ask to get molested by approaching strangers that are not paying attention to you if you’re just going to teleport away and ruin someone else’s date? Is he trying to teach pervs a lesson by teasing them?
I think that goldfish is the smoke monster. And he tripped over the bike 4 times. That’s one of the numbers!
We have to move the sea monkey!
This is like Groundhog Day. Except everyday he gets molested instead of seeing a groundhog.
http://seamonkeygeek.blogspot.com/2007/04/live-action-sea-monkey-tv-show.html
that’s where i remembered him from !!!
thanks, shayne.
oops. that was me. don’t know how I got logged out.
I knew it! I thought it looked familiar because I had seen the PSA before and then immediately blocked it from my memory due to trauma, but it was from that show instead.
Did you see its suspenders? That alien was asking for it.
I’m having a hard time processing the visual narrative, here. Especially molestation = rainbow vortex.
Chunk loves Sloth a liiittle too much.
The alien looks like a black boy with that haircut.
That Frisbee molestation tactic was some Wile E. Coyote shit.
my 9-year-old self watching this video:
“oh no oh no oh nooo what is that thing oh my god oh my god what is this video even about oh my god there’s no way I can focus on anything except its beady little eyes oh my god oh my god hey I think I’ll let a man by a telephone booth buy me potato chips after school.”
If Me had only known what a slut-bag Mac was…
i always figured that getting raped teleported you but this video confirmed it.
Definitely the love child of Sloth and Howie Mandel’s character in Little Monsters, and what a stupid love child it is.
did anyone else think architecture in helsinki/coldplay when they saw the headline?
WHEN YOU GONNA FOLLOW THROU-OUGH?
The ol’ throw the frisbee in the bushes and rape whatever goes to get it trick, nice. These guys are actually pretty sly.
you know, technically, the end “there’s so many ways to kidnap kids” instead of “theres so many ways you can get kidnapped” means that this is actually a tutorial for rapists and kidnappers.
I still use this approach to keep women away.
I was singing this song in my head all day at work today. Thanks, videogum.
I don’t know, if a nefarious dude talking on the phone gave me money, I don’t think I would spend on dinky potato chips, and I certainly wouldn’t choose to walk so goddamn close to a parked RV.
I also think the song is pretty amazing. Before the lyrics start, it kinda sounds like early REM? I will maybe get killed for saying that?
Almost tipped this video and I’m so glad to see it on here. EIT is just a bunch of total pros.
Lindsay, the way that seamonkey felt every time it got molested is the way I feel every time I remember that you have to leave us! Damn recession.
That video just doesn’t make any kind of sense
My friend owns this movie on VHS, we watched it a couple years ago. Its a fine piece of cinematic excellence
I went camping this weekend deep in Snoqualmie National Forest away from phones, cars, and all modern contact and sounds. Except this song was stuck in my head the whole goddamn time.