Photos
Sorry guys. It’s barely even lunchtime (as if there would ever be a good time for this). This is awful and inappropriate. It is also hilarious. Usually, of course, Videogum does not cover “blind items” because we can barely deal (on an existential level) with regular celebrity gossip, much less secret coded celebrity gossip that involves guessing. Isn’t the whole point of celebrity gossip to distract people from the dull misery of their own lives? And now I am supposed to intellectually engage with this garbage? No thank you! But this blind item is pretty incredible. From Popbitch (via Gawker):
Which huge 90s comedy star wasn’t just a star of the TV screen – he also had a special treat for his partner? On special occasions he’d agree to proclaim his famous catch-phrase, as he came on his partner’s face.
Hahah. Gross. But also amazing.
“What’s the deal with the cum on your face?”
–Jerry Seinfeld
This is basically Best New Party Game After Hours.
 |
 |
I blame 500 days of summer for the videogum malfunctions.
“Hello, Newman.”
“Cum on down!” -Johnny Olson-The Price is Right
“How easy was that?” – Ina Garten, The Barefoot Contessa
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
‘whoaaaa BUNDY!’ – ed o’neill
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
“Ooooh.” Andrew Dice Clay
“Cum it out” – Dave Coulier
Ugh, I’m downvoting myself.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
“Serenity Now!” – Frank Costanza
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
“Forget it, Jake, it’s Cumtown.” – Gabe
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
“WE WERE ON A BREAK” – David Schwimmer
“SERENITY NOW” – Jason Alexander/Jerry Stiller
“ZOINKS” – Screech (Dustin Diamond)
“BAM, RIGHT IN THE KISSER” – Ralph Kramden from The Honeymooners
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
“Pretty, Pretty, Pretty good amount of cum on your face” – Larry David
Do we have the 500 Days of Summer wallpaper to thank for how Videogum is kind of fucked up today?
if not for the fact that i get to look at zooey deschanel 500 times at once, it would make me really made that a giant ad is eating my favorite website alive
If so, we also have it to thank for the comments getting frozen resulting in repeat submissions . . . grupthink! We should tally them up and see who won the cumphrase (ew) vote count. . . . its gotta be Tim Allen or Joey Lawrence.
How YOU doin?
“Who loves orange soda?” – Keenan Thompson (Keenan & Kel)
“Come on!” — Will Arnett (Arrested Development). (I know that can’t be it, since he was neither huge nor in the 90s, but who cares.)
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
one time mid-cum I said “you shall not pass!” and it was not a disappointment at all
“Homey don’t play dat” -duh, homey the clown
“We don’t die, we multiply- Bebe’s kids (who of course would impregnate you immediately)
“Who’s the Boss” – heeeey, Tony! (clearly this has got to be the closest to actually being true)
I don’t know if anyone else has suggested this, but would “Whoa,” by Joey Lawrence of Blossom fame, still be available?
“Wha’ Happened?” – Mike Lafontaine
We need to change the name of this thread to “500 Days of Whoa”
“Whatchu talkin’ bout cumface?”
“Yo, Mallory!” – Dude who played Nick on Family Ties
*ladder clunk*
“hey Sam”
*surf guitar whammy sound*
“Won’t you be my neighbor?” Mr. Rogers
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
To be fair, Clare, we were having some technical difficulties with the Lanwmower Man today, so for a few hours people weren’t able to see the comments before posting their own. They all thought at the time that they were the firsts. Hive minds think alike.
Well in that case, it’s kind of a beautiful phenomenon. Proof that we all BELONG here.
after reading the 8th or so take on “whoa! – joey lawrence,” i started fantasizing that they were all just the different versions he tried out in his friends’ high school yearbooks. you know, mixin’ it up. because you know that’s about as much as he’d be willing to write.
“WHOA!” HAGS! — Joey
This is a pretty old story on the comedy circuit. I always heard it was Tony Danza shouting, “who’s the boss!”
I’ve heard that too. . . and it was related to something equally disturbing called the “Danza Slap” which I won’t get into.
Wehhhhl, isn’t that special?
“Excuse me, Princess”-From that Zelda show from the 90′s, don’t know if anyone remembers that…
and
“It’s time for final jeopardy!” Alex Trebek
“Excuse me Princess” is the most horrible but appropriate thing for Link to say in this situation.
Or Trebek – “Oh, SORRY!” (splat)
“I need you to swallow my load IN THE FORM OF A QUESTION”–Alex Trebek
I really wish this was the answer. Also that line makes for a great drinking game.
I know the comments went on strike for a while, but it’s reeeeeally creepy to see the extent to which Videogum members think alike.
As the tenth person to post, “Woah,” I am deeply ashamed.
“How rude!” Michelle Tanner
Hmmm.
The Teletubbies: “Again, Again.”
“Here, kittiekittiekittie…”
-Alf
I’ve got nothing to add to this discussion. But it made my day.
“It’s gonna be legen…wait for it…[comes on your face]…DARY”
“You turn the page, you wash your hands.”
–Filbert, “Rocko’s Modern Life”
Yes. It was an animated turtle. Cumming on your face.
“Come.”
Jean-Luc Picard.
“This is the big one, Elizabeth! I’m coming!” – Red Foxx
“Pow! Right in the kisser!” – Ralph Kramden
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
if da cake eatur were here, he would tell you to stop.
“Hey Brother!”
-Tony Hale
http://eeehhhhh.ytmnd.com/
“Cumming On Your Face Day is a very dangerous day.” — Rocko from Rocko’s Modern Life
i feel your pain
“Do the Mario!”
- Mario
… and I made that boy eat a lot of pineapple, let me tell you.
“yo willy” – alf
“my banana is an atheist’s nightmare” – kirk cameron
I KNOW they’re not sitCUMs, but after the millionth “whoa” ot “uurgh?” post, I thought I’d mix it up a little with some cartoonz.
“Hey Arnold!”
“Aah! Real Monsters!”
And my favorite: “Gotta catch ‘em all!”
“What a fun, sexy time for you.” – George Michael Cera
“Time Out!” – Zack Morris
Jerry Seinfeld- But I don’t Want To Be A Pirate!
Make it work. (Tim Gunn, Project Runway)
Beam me up, Scotty (Captain James T. Kirk)
Ayyyyy (The Fonz)
‘Holy ______, Batman (Robin)
Thumbs Up! (Roger Ebert)
Ha…I kill me- Alf
I hope someone hasn’t already said this one:
“Awww nuts!”- Michelle Tanner
NO SOUP FOR YOU
“Give it up for the people over there. Those are the people i just jizzed on. Woof, woof, woof!” – Arsenio Hall
Carlton Banks as Macaulay Culkin for Halloween.
“Keep the change, you filthy animal.”
“you’re gonna love my nut”
“What’s next?” – Martin Sheen.
“Who are you wearing?” – Joan Rivers
“It STINKS” – Jon Lovitz
“Yeah, that’s right.” – Patrick Warburton
Okay, I was kidding with those other ones. The best one is:
“I wanna dip my balls in it.” – Ken Marino.
Carlton Banks dancing and singing along to to Tom Jones’ “It’s Not Unusual (To Feel Disgusted At My Cum On Your Face)”.
Obviously I have no way to verify this, but I met a girl one time who claimed to have given David Cross a blowjob and apparently when he came he yelled “Whoa! You just got a taste of the David!” I think the world is a better place if we just go ahead and assume that’s a true story.
I initially read this as David Caruso, which was even funnier.
ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?
Co-cohoho But-terherherherherher…
“IM THE KING OF QUEENS!” – Kevin James
“I’ve made a HUGE mistake.”- George Oscar Bluth (GOB)
(Not 90′s, and contingent upon Larry David’s “orgasm theory” from his Conan interveiw)
“You like-a da JUICE, huh?”–Rob Schneider
“Skiiiiiiinnner! ” – Superintendent Chalmers
“I don’t understand what a catchphrase is or what shows aired in the 90′s!” — average videogum commenter
“Hey there, ho there, hi there” -Bob Kelso (That 70s Show)
“Fresh out da box. It’s allllllll that!” -All That opener
“I’m going to ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, or think the other team hasn’t got a clue, you can dare them to answer it for double the cum on your face. But be careful, because they can always double dare you back for four times the amount of cum on your face, and then you’ll either have to answer the question or take the physical challenge of cumming on your face.” -Marc Summers
I pity the fool! – MR T
Do the Bartman! – Bart
nononononononono YES!!! – Jim Trott from the Vicar of Dibley
I have a cunning plan! – Baldric from Blackadder.
Smeeeeg Heeead!!! – Kryten
Theres nothing to see here… – officer barbrady
I see nothing….NOTHING! – Schultz
I choo choo chooose you – Ralph Wiggum
Lets Beee Friends – Ralph again
Woopwoopwoopwoopwoop – Zoidberg
Barweenahgrarnahweeminibalm – Tranformers Universal Greeting
Snoogins – Jay
Me grimlok KING! – grimlock
You dicked with the wrong Dictator – Saddam from hotshots 2
I bent my wookie – Ralph Wiggum
I glued my head to my shoulder – Ralph again (really anything from him is good)
i could go on….