The premier episode of Top Chef Masters last week was so boring. The show just seemed to lack any real drama or the tension of actual stakes. Sure, it’s still up in the air WHICH completely deserving charity will get the big payout at the end, and I suppose I am curious what the Finals Round will be, but for the time being: pass me the pillows with a side of blanket, because I am going to sleep!
Nevertheless, I watched last night. I wanted to give the show another chance. Perhaps I had missed something in the first episode, or maybe the chemistry of the original four chefs was particularly undynamic and anti-enthralling. Besides, the elimination challenge was going to be Lost-themed! The question is not what is the elimination challenge but WHEN, etc. Also, Wylie Dufresne was competing. I have heard of him!
So, was last night’s episode any better?
Nope! I guess it was mildly interesting to watch Wylie Dufresne simultaneously bungle the challenges (“I don’t mean to be rude, but there is no chicken on my dish”) and continue to run around with the belief that his haircut is acceptable. And actually it was also nice to see his friendship with Graham Elliot Bowles, because as much as I like ruthless murder competition, it’s also great when two total experts genuinely appreciate each other’s talent. Just two men appreciating each other’s talent all over the place. In the kitchen and everywhere. What?
But for the second week in a row the whole thing was just…tepid. An hour long glass of lukewarm water. Sure, we found out that the writers of Lost are just as nerdy as we might expect, and it’s also becoming clear that every week pairs three expert chefs with one fall guy. Last week it was Johnny Texas, and this week it was Sally Pastry.
I think that the extent of this show’s problems is completely evident in this clip. This sums the whole thing up perfectly:
Seriously? Couldn’t cook up (get it? You get it) any more enthusiasm for this? We sat through an hour of this show to watch Suzanne Tracht sleepwalk her way through victory. If the competitors can’t even be bothered to get excited about this, how can we? Get hungry, you chefs! (Get it? You get it.)
Goodbye, Top Chef Masters*. I’m bored and you ruined my pants.
*Maybe I will watch the finals. MAYBE.