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Yesterday Gawker pointed out a series of commercials for Scientology that have been running during, among other things, Anderson Cooper 360 (:(), and noted that they look like prescription antidepressant ads, which I guess they do, but they’re as similar to Mormon and Christian commercials, just much scarier and more like promos for The X Files. It’s kind of hard to believe that they’re actually real, because you would think Scientology would want to go the happy route instead of the futuristic lonely blue-black wasteland one, but what do you expect from a religion that is literally about aliens that live inside us. Here’s a slightly longer version of the “Truth” ad. I feel “an unexplainable emptiness” just watching this:
Whoever wrote the “Some think they can buy it” (shot of tan lady in front of mansion) part has a lot of balls.
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I like how unhappy that woman looks purchasing the clothes. “I don’t want to buy this many clothes, but aliens are making me do it : ( “
Of course she’s unhappy – she’s shopping at a Goodwill.
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no. no it is not.
Hey you guys, remembering when Scientology wasn’t a thing? That was great.
I stopped at “Some think they can buy it…” Ironyology.
Finally something to fill my space-religion-shaped hole.
Cram some Xenu in that hole, man.
I’m pretty sure even Spock thinks Scientology is lame.
You think enlightened Thetans would know all they had to say was “come hang out with Kirstie Alley, Doug E. Fresh, and John Fucking Tavolta”.
do me a favor and insert this R where it belongs
I like Tavolta.
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Anonymous better not start purchasing ad space too, because i’m already rolling my eyes over these scientology ads and i don’t know if it’s physically possible to roll them any further.
I am, at turns, amused and scared shitless.
GODDAMN IT. If your faith, understanding, or reading of reality is swayed by A FUCKIN COMMERCIAL you are a weakass bitch who has never taken the time to really consider why you believe what you already believe anyways.
Scientology is the worst. I like the “buying it shot” because WHOOPS a shit ton of scicrazies are GODDAMNED MOVIE STARS. Maybe I should just mail out Bibles or something.
Bibles are the best. They should put christians on TV, then everyone would realize!
THEY WOULD realize that Jesus Christ loved them and wasn’t as batshit crazy as these wacko alien LOVAS!
To be fair Lord Xenu is much more exciting than Jesus Christ. Carpenter? Weak. Fucking aliens? Badass.
I call BULL! AT LEAST carpenters are REAL.
also, WHY AREN’T YOU DESIGNING BUILDINGS HOWARD! DON’T TELL ME ELLSWORTH HAS YOU DOWN!!!!
Jesus Christ gave us Lots of Love.
I agree that it is scary/sad if people are swayed by a commercial. But, the production value of this crapvertisement is really good, and it’s vague enough to sound deep so that some people might be swayed enough to get involved/brainwashed to check salvation off their conscience/to-do list.
side note: What is the deal with scientology usually using a big “?” for the ” i ” in their logo? Cheap attempt to seem christian? And it just confuses me that they don’t use it for the ” t ” in scientology, i.e. not sc?entology but scien?ology. Whatever.
i love ‘crapvertisement.’ in exchange, i humbly offer ‘irritainment’ for any shows, esp. in magazine form, which eat one’s psyche.
yes, they are pretending to be Xtian, and cash in on their church status to avoid paying taxes on their filthy lucre:http://proudsuppressives.blogspot.com/2006/05/and-now-for-something-really-weird.html
The tagline should read, “Scientology: No yourself, No life.”
Did anyone else laugh out loud when Scientology was unveiled at the end? It’s always the punchline.
Come to think of it, who wouldn’t want to go through life believing they were on the business end of a Ridley Scott epic? The 8 year old in me is already writing a check…
Didn’t they steal most of this from The Matrix? Welcome to 1999, Scientology!
Needs more Philip Glass.
Don’t start.
“that can only be filled by one thing. . .”
SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM!
/Macho Man’d
Looks like a Michael Mann film.
I wasn’t aware that what I was actually searching for was to learn about Zenu, lose all my friends, get watched like I was a unabomber and spend $800K on doing so. Thanks again L. Ron, who by the way continues to write me like we are camp friends.
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Hey don’t know Kraft! Mac and Cheese is my savior many a drunken nights.
yes, americans are the only types of people known to ever be swayed by an advertisement.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO! I just got an “unvalid parameters” message.
How about the “it’s life, jump into life” one: http://blogs.nashvillescene.com/pitw/2009/06/scientology_ispaperclips.php
The guy who narrates this sounds like the guy who narrated “The Virgin Suicides”..
So… they’re talking about sex, right?
This looks like a commercial for “Heroes” from the mystical voice-over to the mystical music
I am fairly certain after seeing this commercial that everything sucks everywhere and everyone is a piece of shit
So ummm…when did Jack Bauer become a Scientologist? Listen to the video again and tell me it didn’t sound like Jack Bauer, I thought he was going around, saving the world and killing terrorists. Damn alien overlords took Jack Bauer!
No, but seriously, Scientology, wtf??
This movie looks fucking awesome.
Lindsay, a Scientology media person contacted me about placing links to a YouTube playlist on my blog.
“Know Yourself, know life”…interesting when one considers the nihilistic
black magic roots of Scientology. Interesting because of the audio pun..
“Know yourself” becomes “No Yourself (no self), “Know Life ” beomes
“No Life”.. The use of such puns is common in advertising as an effective
way to convey double meaning; almost, but not quite, subliminal trickery.
In a sense, the ad is truthful. If you get far enough into Scientology, you
will end up with “no self” and “no life”. There have been enough suicides
in Scientology (google it!) to prove that point!
I agree, I hear it as Duchovney, though we’ve entered the age when Lowes has BOTH Gene Hackman and a fake Gene Hackman for those months when they need to save a few bucks.
You gotta think, though, scientology and sex addiction have enough in common that you can imagine them Sea-Orgiasts picking up the phone and saying, “Dave! You go, boy! C’mon aboard!!”
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