Oh no! Terrible news! According to Variety, Sean Penn is dropping out of the Farrelly brothers Three Stooges movie. Obviously, this completely destroys the PERFECT casting this movie already had of Sean Penn, Benicio Del Toro, and Jim Carrey. All three together on screen at long last? It was too good to be true! This movie was going to be the Heat of completely unnecessary comedic tributes to an antiquated slapstick comedy troupe for four-year-olds.
It’s almost silly to talk about replacing Sean Penn as Larry, since he’s such an irreplaceable comedic actor who is so funny and comedic and was always from the very beginning a totally perfect pick for the role*, but we simply have GOT TO have this Three Stooges movie. America will not rest until it sees the Farrelly brothers Three Stooges movie. So who could do it? (Remember: they will be joining Benicio Del Toro and Jim Carrey, so obviously they have to be perfect, since this cast is still 2/3 PERFECT.)
Bobb’e J Thompson
Sure, he is just a child. And he is black. But he has more comedic chops than BENICIO DEL TORO. Besides, this kid’s star is on the rise, so maybe he could somehow make this movie that no one wants be a movie that someone wants.
Cowabunga dude! Tony Hawk would bring what’s been missing from this project all along: the completely-false-but-somehow-it-always-seems-to-still-work “cool factor.” Dude is like 55 years old but everyone pretends like he’s a wayward high school junior who just wants to thrash. And that’s fresh!
She is available.
A Rotisserie Chicken
Succulent. Plump. Delicious. A rotisserie chicken could take a lot of hammers to the face and keep on working. And by working I mean sitting there. And by sitting there I mean sitting there in my stomach. Yum!
Anyone else? Jada Pinkett Smith, probably. Anyone else?