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Oh no! Terrible news! According to Variety, Sean Penn is dropping out of the Farrelly brothers Three Stooges movie. Obviously, this completely destroys the PERFECT casting this movie already had of Sean Penn, Benicio Del Toro, and Jim Carrey. All three together on screen at long last? It was too good to be true! This movie was going to be the Heat of completely unnecessary comedic tributes to an antiquated slapstick comedy troupe for four-year-olds.
It’s almost silly to talk about replacing Sean Penn as Larry, since he’s such an irreplaceable comedic actor who is so funny and comedic and was always from the very beginning a totally perfect pick for the role*, but we simply have GOT TO have this Three Stooges movie. America will not rest until it sees the Farrelly brothers Three Stooges movie. So who could do it? (Remember: they will be joining Benicio Del Toro and Jim Carrey, so obviously they have to be perfect, since this cast is still 2/3 PERFECT.)
Bobb’e J Thompson
Sure, he is just a child. And he is black. But he has more comedic chops than BENICIO DEL TORO. Besides, this kid’s star is on the rise, so maybe he could somehow make this movie that no one wants be a movie that someone wants.
Tony Hawk
Cowabunga dude! Tony Hawk would bring what’s been missing from this project all along: the completely-false-but-somehow-it-always-seems-to-still-work “cool factor.” Dude is like 55 years old but everyone pretends like he’s a wayward high school junior who just wants to thrash. And that’s fresh!
Alicia Silverstone
She is available.
A Rotisserie Chicken
Succulent. Plump. Delicious. A rotisserie chicken could take a lot of hammers to the face and keep on working. And by working I mean sitting there. And by sitting there I mean sitting there in my stomach. Yum!
Anyone else? Jada Pinkett Smith, probably. Anyone else?
*Sarcasm.
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You got possibly the least flattering picture of Silverstone EVER.
But….how about Ken Jeong?
Is Nicolas Cage not free? That asshole is in everything.
He’s busy selling castles.
Samuel Jackson, In 1 out of 10 movies.
It’s a tough call between Ms. Silverstone and the chicken, but I’m going with the chicken. He’s a seasoned pro.
I wish I could give this more up votes, Lots Of Love
A Wahlberg?
Johnny 5. I mean, he’d need a wig, but otherwise perfect.
What’s Jonathan Lipnicki up to? He might be perfect!
How about Da Cake Eatur?
Just read the first sentence. Done. Laughed my ass off. Thank you.
Oh no! did it for you? Congrats Gabe, I think you just got to that stage where now you can pretty much write anything and people will send you Lots of Love no matter what, Jay Leno style.
Gwyneth Paltrow? We all know she’s hilarious and she’ll bring out the shiny legs.
Oh people this is so obvious I can’t believe none of you have got it yet. The film-makers should just dig up Larry’s corpse and use that. I mean it’s no worse an idea than making this film.
George W. Bush?
Just rewatched the trailer for TipToes and was inspired to nominate Gary Oldman, in the role of a lifetime. As his TipToes self, of course.
Robert Pattinson.
Oh, man, without Sean Penn you have to recast the entire movie.
I’d cast Owen Wilson, Ben Stiller, and Will Farrell. Does it matter who plays what with that much comedic brilliance on display?
Or we can just have Eddie Murphy play all 3. Now THAT’S box office gold!
I propose we wipe the whole cast and start over with Bobbe J Thompson. Actually we need an all black three stooges. Breakin’ barriers! So, we got Bobbe J -maybe as a midget, cos I want him to be, like, 30. Martin Lawrence seems perfect though he’ll obviously play the one thats a little smarter and hits everyone over the head (I’ve never seen the show can you tell?). Oh and this is out of left field but Sinbad? I think he’s still got it. So, anyone else got picks?
Rob Thomas
who the fucks rob thomas?
You are the luckiest man alive.
Sinbad
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I’m sorry, that position’s been filled.
Somebody’s gay dad?
and by somebody’s gay dad I mean the Jonas Brothers…
Marlon Brando.
Zach Galifianakis
The two “Slumdog” kids, but with one of them sitting on the other’s shoulders and wearing a trenchcoat.
Gabe, I think your footnotes are getting a bit out of hand. Intervention!
Seth Macfarlane?! Then he can try to bring down the Oscars alongside his efforts to bring down the Emmys.
Pleeeease hire Alicia Silverstone and call it Three Stooges: Excess Baggage 2!
David Paymer would’ve been good 15 years ago…he’s a dead ringer and needs some RESPECT!
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001601/
missing the point, bro
Yeah, Hoobag. You missing the point. The point is to to be snarky and prejudice.
Seriously, I know Videogum has always been a little too-cool-for-school and complainy, but lately Gabe is starting to go full (Andy) Rooney.
I’m not sure why we are suppose to be against this casting. Del Toro was pretty awesomely funny in “Fear and Loathing”. Sean Penn was great as Spicolli. Sure, maybe they’re not funny in a have-my-own-blog kind of way, but they’re accomplished actors. I think they can handle the task of being hit on the head by a frying pan. I’m sure if we had all heard Tom Cruise was going to be in a comedy with Ben Stiller, Gabe would have done the same bit on who would be a better choice. SPOILER: The last suggestion is an inanimate object.
You were wrong about Fallon. You’ll be wrong about this.
P.S. I won’t defend Jim Carrey though
I APOLOGIZE “hooooooobags” because now everyone here thinks your a douchenozzle for taking this seriously.
You guys we should all support casting Tommy Wiseau. He needs to get on funding for a new movie STAT.
The chicken part made me cry tears of laughter. If the chicken doesn’t get the role there is no justice in the world.
They should definitely pick Stephen Wright (the guy on the couch – Half Baked) He’d nail that role….. or maybe Jon Lovitz with a wig! Yeaaah….. that’s the ticket!
They should definitely pick Stephen Wright (the guy on the couch – Half Baked) He’d nail that role….. or maybe Jon Lovitz with a wig! Yeaaah….. that’s the ticket!
They should definitely pick Stephen Wright (the guy on the couch – Half Baked) He’d nail that role….. or maybe Jon Lovitz with a wig! Yeaaah….. that’s the ticket!