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It’s a late night. You’re driving home from a cocktail party, or a rotary meeting, or something. Your wife frantically demands that you pull over. You hate when she gets this excitable without explaining why, but you pull the car over, and that’s when you see it too. Something up ahead, lying in a fetid drainage ditch off the side of the road. You tell your wife to stay in the car, and to call the police. Slowly, you make your way over towards the broken shape to investigate, but even before you get to it you already know what it is. Your childhood has been raped and beaten and left for dead. You take off your coat to keep it warm. Who would do such a thing? “Hollywood” is carved into the corpse’s forehead.
That’s right, you guys, the Short Circuit remake moves forward! A screenwriter has been attached to the project! Oh phew. Reports io9:
Rumors of a remake of the eighties robot comedy Short Circuit have been circulating for over a year, but yesterday the project just got a lot more serious with the announcement of an experienced comedy screenwriter.
Screenwriter Dan Milano comes to the project with the kind of comedy background that gives me some hope for this project. He co-created and voiced the title character on the cult classic Greg The Bunny, and he’s currently writing for the geeky awesomeness that is Robot Chicken.
David Foster, one of the producers of the original Short Circuit, will also be producing the remake, and he stressed the film will be acknowledging the massive strides the robotics field has made in the last twenty-three years.
Sure, because if there’s one thing about the Short Circuit franchise, it’s basically the second most serious documentary about realistic robots ever made*.
Of course, to appeal to today’s generation, they’re going to have to update Johnny 5. You know, for the kids. Give him some cool new features, like Agent Cody Banks but for a robot. After the jump, I present an exclusive look at JOHNNY 5000:
Of course, Hollywood is always a couple of years behind when it comes to cool new trends, but I think they did a pretty decent job of making the new Johnny relatable, and most importantly, BODACIOUS.
COWABUNGA, DUDE.COM!
*After Chopping Mall.
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johnny 5 is … dead.
Didn’t Ally Sheedy almost fuck the robot in the original?
The sequel shall star their mutant love child… half man, half machine, all
If Aziz isn’t in this movie…
We’re almost at something like a critical mass where if one were to randomly pick an 80s movie, it’ll actually be MORE likely that it is in the works to be remade than not. How about… “Howard the Duck”? “Batteries Not Included”? “Problem Child”? Let me know when I’ve got a hit, videogum!
You moonlight as a Hollywood movie producer don’t you?
But more importantly, who’s Johnny?
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Hope Michael Bay doesn’t hear about this.
hmm… there already was a sequel (you know, the one without Steve Guttenberg or Ally Sheedy, where a gay latin gang beat Johny5 up, and he hacks himself into a badass punk robot), so this wouldn’t be Shortcircuit 2.0, but either Shortcircuit 3:Rise of the Machine, or, more likely, Shortcircuit Begins
I think you mean an iPhone. RZRs are SOOOOO 2007.
Unlike Uggs and snap bracelets, which are totally “hip,” right Doctor Gets Jokes?
Whoops, I just disassembled myself in repentance.
You’ll have to excuse my friend. He’s the Kanye West of Videogum.
What is it with all these darn remakes and belated sequels?! Clueless? Heathers? Now this?!
Stop with the remakes already! After the remake of D.A.R.Y.L. that is.
Congratulations. You have made me think of D.A.R.Y.L. for the first time in approximately 12 years.
Wow, your photoshop skills are improving Gabe!
But what about the soundtrack?!! BRING DEBARGE BACK!