Hahahaha. Unbelievable. I am willing to believe that impulse control is a serious enough problem for some people to the point of needing professional help. And I recognize that the human body comes in all shapes and sizes and that some of those sizes are more difficult to regulate than others. Moreover, we live in a society of over-consumption and selfish indulgence, where immediate gratification is a virtue, and the constant pursuit of “more” is a national pasttime. It takes a certain amount of restraint and willful resistance to balance between what we actually need or even want and what we are constantly told we must have right now. OK. But JESUS CHIRST, KIRSTIE ALLEY, YOU NEED TO GET A GRIP NOW. She was just on Oprah less than two months ago looking like Pizza the Hut (no offense, that’s a clinical term from real hospitals) and trying to position herself as the emblematic spokesperson for Future Biggest Loser Contestants everywhere. It was, I am told, by the internet, a touchingly honest and open admission of genuine weakness. But now that outpouring of humanity has been trampled beneath the weight of Kirstie Alley’s stomping elephant hooves (I’m a scientist, and I know what things are called) as they STAMPEEEEEEEEEEEEDE to the nearest Sonic for a FREE ROOT BEER FLOAT PUT IT IN MY BODY FUUUUUUUUCK.
Kirstie Alley. National hero.