I’m sorry. I know I should probably know this. But who the fuck are these guys? I know that they have a show on TLC, and I know that EVERYONE CAN’T SHUT UP ABOUT THEM, but I still am kind of confused. Like, sure, people who buy all of their reading material in grocery store check out aisles are very interested in them. That makes sense. But everyone else is also invested? Like normal people? Her hair is a meme. The premiere episode of season 5 got 9 million viewers, making it the highest rated broadcast in TLC history. 9 million viewers? That is so many viewers. Your mom watched it. It was her favorite.
Obviously, the only reason anyone is even talking about this is because of the fact that their relationship is dissolving in front of America’s eyes. Oh, btw, they’re married or something? Like I said, who knows. This is SEASON 5 of this show, and I don’t know a single person who had ever watched it until it was basically a documentary about how divorces happen. And even then it was like “wait, who’s getting divorced? Jon and who? Plus what? 8 what?”
And you know what else? The season premiere is BORING and SAD. It is all about a birthday party for the children, which is boring unless you are a child. There is also Kate’s imaginary disgust for the paparazzi (she actually loves them, duh), and her and Jon’s hatred for each other. I guess that last part is interesting, if you find deeply personal to be interesting. America has secretly created a monster while no one was looking, and now everyone wants to watch as that monster rips itself to shreds. We did it, you guys. Pop champagne.
After the jump, the full premiere episode of season 5 of Jon and Somebody Plus Huh?. The really stuff doesn’t happen until the final clip, since that’s what you monsters (we monsters) probably (definitely) want.
Whatever. I still don’t get it. If the idea is that divorce can happen to anyone, even regular people (regular people with a long-running reality show), I ALREADY KNEW THAT. Forget it, Gabe, it’s TLCtown. You can’t fire me, because I quit.