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Last September 11th, while the nation was never forgetting, Lauren Conrad announced that she had signed a book deal. WILL THE HORRORS NEVER CEASE? Today, People magazine has an exclusive look at an excerpt from Conrad’s first young adult novel (the contract was for three books, because someone is a genius), and whoa, her ghostwriter can’t write either! From People:
Paolo smiled at her. He had the cutest smile. “Hey, this may be a little forward, but … could I call you sometime? Maybe we could go out for coffee or something? I just moved here from San Francisco, and I don’t know too many people in town.” Jane was taken aback by his boldness. They had met all of 60 seconds ago. Still, he did kinda look like a young Brad Pitt. Besides, when was the last time she’d been on a date? “Sure,” she said.
“Great!”
Jane blinked. Oh, yeah. The cameras were still rolling. Paolo was being filmed. But he didn’t seem fazed by it.
Of course it’s about the star of a reality show drinking coffee. Of course it is. The rest of the book is scented stickers in the shape of martini glasses and tubes of spermicidal jelly. You know, I used to be all for getting children to read more, but now maybe not so much. “Don’t you have any videogames to play?”
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First Twighlight, now this… The children are doomed!
Shouldn’t this be filed under “Duh Aficionado”?
My girlfiend is a YA buyer for B&N and she had to read the advance a few weeks ago for work. We spent an hour reading random passages to each other because they were just endlessly hilarious.
Spoiler Alert: Paolo dies when he gets buried alive after being bitten by a spider that makes everyone think he is dead, when actually he is just paralyzed, but in some way it is his punishment for being greedy. *crossing fingers* that Lauren is in the hole with him
Looking forward to the audio book review.
LaurenConrad
Yaaaaaay!! I offically finished recording my book!! And it only took 20 hours haha
6:02 PM May 13th from TwitterBerry
And if she gives an interview about how OMG! HARD! it is to write a book, I won’t believe her, because there was nothing difficult about what I just read.
That writing seems like it’d be the kind of writing to exude a smell likened to that of onions mixed with baby poop.
If writing smelled, of course.
Including the blinking… Brave narrative choice. Usually, blinking is a given and doesn’t have to be explicitly described… powerful characterization.
Writing – “oh yea” – way to break down that authorial wall. Not quite in 2nd person, but a nice *wink, wink* to the reader.
Some may see faults here – I see LC challenging literary norms, practicing experimental fiction.
I’ve never really understood how vapid television nobodies always manage to get book deals. I know they’re famous and all, but do the people who actually enjoy the work of vapid television nobodies also enjoy reading?
i’m with you, Upchuck. Seems like they’d be pretty disparate demographics – but what do i know? Then again, the excerpts i’ve seen read like play-by-play narrations of the hills so….. lc might be on to something.
You wouldn’t think so – but Tori Spelling and Jordan both have bestsellers. I don’t get it either. Large font and small words, I guess.