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Whoops, blogosphere! You were so busy going on and on about the Girls finale that you completely overlooked the most recent episode of Kourtney and Kim Take Miami in which our two HEROES have a VAGINA SMELLING CONTEST. That’s on you, blogosphere. Pay attention. Obviously, this was on television, obviously, but it also makes for great reading. It is like a great novel, basically. From ONTD:
It all starts after Khloe drops a tidbit that pineapples help a woman’s private parts take on a “sweeter” odor, which leads her sisters into a spirited debate about whose “bits” have the better smell. Testing the theory, the sisters drink pineapple juice to prepare for the compelling conclusion to the sibling sniff-out of the century.
“If I’m going to win this I need to get as much pineapple juice as I can … it makes the vag smell good,” Kourtney declares.
“Kourtney seems very competitive about her vagina,” Kim notes. “I don’t know why Kourtney is challenging me — but she will lose!”
As for the judging honors, the task went to the (lucky) person who was deemed to be the most impartial: Khloe — of course!
KHLOE – OF COURSE! Of course. I mean, come on. Be realistic. ALL OF AMERICA WAITS WITH BATED BREATH TO DISCOVER WHO WILL WIN THIS ALL-IMPORTANT CONTEST. WILL IT BE KOURTNEY? OR KIM? OR JESSA? LET’S FIND OUT!
Kim and Kourtney used cloth napkins smeared with the musk of each other for Khloe to judge.
Right. Yes, no, yes, of course. Right. Like we don’t know how a televised vagina smelling contest works? Please don’t condescend.
“Do I want to be the judge of the pineapple p***y?” Khloe rhetorically asks. “Not really, but we’re sisters … if I can’t smell their p***ies, what else am I supposed to do?”
When it comes time to judge, Khloe decides that Kourtney’s scent “was like a tropical island,” and likens Kim’s to “a flower p***y.”
And the winner is…
“Honestly, I will say that Kim’s p**** smells the best – she’s the kitty winner,” Khloe rules.
Kourtney doesn’t seem too fazed by the loss though, “If Kim needs to think she’s won, then fine, I’ll let her think that – but we all know whose vagina is the sweetest of them all,” she vows.
CONGRATULATIONS TO KIM’S FLOWER PUSSY ON NARROWLY BEATING OUT HER SISTER KOURTNEY’S TROPICAL ISLAND AND CONGRATULATIONS TO KHLOE ON BEING SUCH A GREAT JUDGE. CONGRATULATIONS TO ADAM ON GIRLS FOR BEING SO RIPPED IN A WAY THAT IS NEVER DISCUSSED OR EXPLAINED WITHIN THE LOGICAL FRAMEWORK OF THE SHOW. CONGRATULATIONS TO MARNIE FOR BEING A MILLIONAIRE NOW. CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL OF THE BLOGGERS WHO SPENT 10,000 WORDS TALKING ABOUT THE ADAM “RAPE” SCENE EVEN THOUGH IT WOULD BE CASUALLY IGNORED AT THE START OF THE NEXT EPISODE WHEN HE’S APPARENTLY STILL SOBER AND STILL SEEING THAT GIRL SO WHO CARES AND CONGRATULATIONS TO WOMEN AND AMERICA AND SHOSHANNA AND ALL OF US, WE DID IT AND WE ARE DOING IT. KOURTNEY AND KIM AND ALL OF US TAKE THE WORLD!
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Wow, I guess they’re right: International Women’s Day really CAN make a difference!
Blatant ripoff of Me and You and Everyone We Know.
Well, that makes two Pussy Posses I now revile.
And congrats to me, for puking all over my work desk.
This whole thing deserves a “Gross, sorry.”
bye puppy
This was clearly, the only acceptable response to this story. Ski dogs away folks!
At least now we have a way to tell which one is which.
Am i going to get fired for reading this at work
Stop being such a pineapple and go for it already.
I’m firing myself for reading this at work.
The only “flower pussy” I care to know about.
And if that picture ends up being big, I’m NOT sorry.
hi kitty
Oh gosh, Koko! I hope this picture won’t send you into a downward spiral of mourning!
what means mourning?
It’s the British spelling for the time as soon as you wake up, and you experience an intense sadness for your lost youth. I think.
It’s nothing, don’t worry about it!!!!
what is. why sad
NOTHING’S WRONG WITH ALL BALL! LOOK AT THIS SLEEPING KITTEN!
kitty sleep. let alone
If Mario has taught me anything, Kim can now shoot fireballs out of her vag. Someone should warn Kanye.
Wait so I was just catching up on the Girls thread and king curtis commented, “Small correction, at the end of Hannah Takes the Stairs, the characters are playing trumpets in the bathtub, not saxophones. Also…… that was no guy, that was me! King Curtis!” Everyone knows that that was literal, right? JUST CHECKING.
I was Adam Driver before Adam was!
What’s that? Interspecies friends?
all ball friends
Koko, all ball friends forever
Capybras always look like they’re just barely tolerating something. In this case, monkey hitchhikers.
There’s an enzyme in pineapple juice that breaks down proteins, which is why you shouldn’t marinate meat in it for more than a couple of hours (it’ll get mushy). Now, one can only hope that they’ll keep drinking pineapple juice until they disintegrate from the inside!
I’ve heard the same thing about pineapple juice and cum. Perhaps a group activity for the next Pussy Posse gathering.
Pineapple lobby: having the best week ever.
Octopussy
I instantly knew this was the article for me right when I read the title.
See, I often found myself wondering,
“how exactly do I properly conduct a vagina smelling contest? You know, to be the most faithful to the famed analyzation of human perfection.”
I knew if anyone, it would be the Kardashian sisters to enlighten me, I just didn’t know when. Until now.
Thnx kkk (kourtney, kim, khloe)!
At least they didn’t involve Rob, then it could have gotten weird.
just before I looked at the bank draft saying $6377, I be certain that my neighbours mother was like realey erning money in their spare time online.. there sisters neighbour has done this for only about 15 months and resantly cleard the debts on their apartment and got Bugatti Veyron. I went here……… BIT40. ℂom