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This is a place for friends. It’s like the gym from the commercials where the tagline is something like, “This is a gym for people who hate rude people at gyms, like people who stand in the mirror and talk about their bodies — come to this one.” There is no shame here! We are free to discuss everything we think about constantly, ESPECIALLY which celebrity we would pick if we could pick one celebrity to officiate our weddings. Get it off of your chest! We even have a solid lead-in, from EW, via FilmDrunk:
Sir Ian McKellen will officiate at the upcoming wedding of Sir Patrick Stewart and his fiancée, 35-year-old jazz singer Sunny Ozell. When the topic of X-Men: Days of Future Past came up during McKellen’s appearance on U.K. program The Jonathan Ross Show this weekend, the English actor announced, “I’m going to marry Patrick,” provoking some fits of laughter from the audience before he clarified, “How else do you put that? I’m going to officiate at his wedding.”
SIR IAN MCKELLEN, NOT A BAD CHOICE! (Also: SIR IAN MCKELLEN, NOT A GOOD JOKE!) That would not be my first choice, but to each celebrity his own celebrity. My first choice would be George Clooney, obviously. After that my choices would be: Steve-O, Andy Milonakis, Borat, David Bowie, NOT VINCENT GALLO — not on my wedding day, and Martin Freeman. And Martin Short. Martin Short would actually be my second choice after George Clooney. Also Barack Obama. Only men?! All of those men and also Jenny Slate. Haha. Ok, who’s on your list?! Just copy and paste from your Celebrity Wedding Officiant spreadsheet, we’re not fancy here.
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The Verizon Guy, because this way I could definitively prove that he and I are not the same guy.
I’m still not convinced. He’s got enough money to invest in cloning technology.
Wayne Coyne, in Martian makeup.
Emma Thompson for sure. I just want her around for all of my major life events.
William Shatner for sure, but also I don’t want anyone to upstage me so maybe a shitty local “celebrity” like a college talk radio DJ or something?
Just have Carrot Top officiate.
Did you guys know Carrot Top’s hair is actually red because of how I just burned him so badly?
werttrew.
facetaco.
Steve Winwood can DJ.
Kelly can help me do the public marriage proposal.
Only if the bride is pretty.
AmPat, because whenever anyone starts to doze off, he could be sure to WAKE them back UP and PAY ATTENTION to the most important day of my LIFE.
I just read that like the teacher in Daria that yells a lot. Thank you.
This, actually. I want Ian McKellan to officiate my wedding, and I want to be Patrick Stewart.
et tu, LBT?
I could never live up to the Sweet Lady Swinton. It would be blasphemy to even make an attempt.
I was about to claim SWINTON but I didn’t want to step on LBT’s toes!
But now I see that he has forfeited his claim, I can start planning my wedding… to James McAvoy!!!!
Just kidding, I am going to marry Benedict Cumberbatch and Vin Diesel and he is going to perform Rihanna’s “Stay” at the reception.
AND Vin Diesel? You now have my attention.
Dick Van Dyke. Serious answer.
Bride: Me
Groom: Justin Kirk
Ian McKellen: The douche-y sheriff from Veronica Mars who looks like a sexier version of Justin Kirk
Honeymoon: 3-way (Gross, sorry)
Charles Barkley. “Did you see that flower girl scream, Kenny? That was turrible.”
I want Don LaFontaine. It will be the most epic wedding ever.
I hope someone says Brian Blessed
Oh, shit! I’m changing mine.
Morgan Freeman.
Hushpuppy is the flower girl.
The ushers are people of intrest — Lindsay Lohan, Courtney Stodden, various Housewives. Not sure why, that’s just how I feel this wedding is going to happen. Morgan Freeman seems upset. Amy Poehler’s in the pews, but not part of the wedding.
Marriage? Well, now, let me see. You know, I don’t have any idea what that means. I know what you think it means, sonny. To me, it’s just a made up word. A politician’s word, sonny. Young men and women like yourselves can wear a suit and a tie and put on a fancy dress. What do you really want to know? Am I sorry for what I did? There’s not a day goes by I don’t feel regret. Not because I’m here. Because you think I should. I look back on the way I was then. A young, stupid kid. I want to talk to him. I want to try to talk some sense to him. Tell him the way things are. But I can’t. That kid’s long gone and this old man’s all that’s left. I got to live with that. Marriage? That’s just a bullshit word. So you go on and kiss the bride, sonny, and stop wasting my time. Because, to tell you the truth, I don’t give a shit.
don key kong
Jack Dahl (It’s Doll). “You two, show me a married couple. Kiss. Now. Let’s go. 3, 2, 1, go.”
Last chance. Give me tears of joy on the count of three.
Mr. Rogers
Lady Elaine Fairchild. JK, she would terrify me.
Sir Alec Guinness, if he 1) was a live and 2) didn’t hate being Obi-Wan so much
“a live”? That has to be the worst typo I have ever bestowed to this Internet.
Wishbone.
Am I nuts, or do their faces look remarkably similar in that photo?
Anyway, uh…I can’t think of an officiant who I don’t just have a crush on? Like how embarrassing would it be if Adam Scott were marrying me (TO MY HUSBAND) and when the kiss came I accidentally kissed him? Not that I would be so faithless, but what if??
Maya Angelou! just think of the poetry! am i really the only one? anyone?…. bueller?……..
omg, OR Tina Fey AND Amy Poehler!! yeah, that one, forget my first one.
I officiated my sister’s wedding. When I was trying on suits, my wife told the salesman “He’s marrying his sister.”
The guy turned a bit pale.