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To tell you the truth, when I decided to pose this question — about who should play the beast in Disney’s upcoming 3D remake of Beauty and the Beast — I was under the impression that when Hugh Jackman let the actor in him take over during a production of Beauty and the Beast, he was playing the beast. “Hugh Jackman to reprise the role of a lifetime, no duh,” was going to be my answer. But apparently he was playing GASTON? Ugh. (According to Google.com, Gaston and The Beast are not the same person, FYI.) Now who’s going to play the beast?! From Deadline:
Disney is calling this film The Beast, and considering the subject matter of Trance [from The Beast screenwriter Joe Ahearne]– an art auctioneer is pummeled so badly by his criminal cohorts that a hypnotherapist is needed to coax out the memories of where he hid a priceless painting — indicates that this revisionist take on Beauty and the Beast could be a bit on the dark side.
JOAQUIN PHOENIX? Joaquin Phoenix in The Beast, directed by Paul Thomas Anderson. Belle is whoever the next Chloe Sevigny is. (Not Greta Gerwig, though.) (THAT’S MY ONE RULE!) (Not that she isn’t lovely.) Who else? Chris Eigeman? Haha. Chris Eigeman is THE BEAST. Directed by Whit Stillman. Vincent Gallo, very obviously? Directed by Vincent Gallo? Jesse Eisenberg directed by the other Duplass brother? Adam from Girls directed by Lena Dunham? All of my guesses/suggestions are on point! WHAT ARE YOURS?!
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the choice is obvious.
counterpoint.
Birdie is the Beauty, duh. Look at that face!
DJ Qualls directed by Emilio Estevez
Tracy Morgan, obviously. Directed by whoever would be able to stand it.
His work in Werewolf Bar Mitzvah pretty much makes him a shoo-in.
If they did cast Joaquin they could call it The BeastMaster instead.
I mean, if they want to REALLY go with a beast, Danny Devito, right? Is there anybody more beastly in Hollywood? Maybe Mickey Rourke? It doesn’t matter anyway, they’ll just cast Penn Badgley and put a scar on his face.
del toro is beastly. he would be the best candidate because not only is he beastly, he is someone that gets women excited.
Isn’t the whole point of the Beast that he ISN’T supposed to excite women? That she falls in love with him for his inner beauty alone? Please observe the complete lack of outer beauty on display: http://media.avclub.com/images/380/380600/16×9/627.jpg?5453
Team Devito all the way.
Goddamnit, you know what I meant!
OMG YUM!
but he eventually changes back to a handsome man (because we all know that looks are actually what is most important in the establishment of life long relationships!) when belle kisses him. he doesn’t stay ugly. obviously that would be a deal breaker.
Or they can go the recent Jane Eyre route, and cast Michael Fassbender as the hideous character. Truly I had to stifle my vomit every time he was onscreen as Rochester. Truly.
Let’s go old school and get Ron Perlman.
YES!
Exactly. Why mess with perfection? Hell, go ahead and get Linda Hamilton, too!
If Hugh Jackman had been playing the Beast instead of Gaston, we probably never would have known about the peeing because of all the crazy padding and layers the Beast costume requires.
ANYWAAYYYYSSS, I don’t know, how ’bout they just get Alex Pettyfer and Vanessa Hudgens to reprise their roles from Beastly? And get whatever Olsen twin it was who was also in that movie. Also, they should get the people from that CW Beauty and the Beast show. Have them double for each other. DUH DOY.
Not to be a snob, but the Cocteau version will ALWAYS put all others to everlasting shame.
OR … let’s break the gender barrier.
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I think it’s because she’s screaming like a weirdo, and the person next to her is wearing a princess tutu.
And the song is called MONSTER. But, sure, racism. d
Why not Gerald Janowski?
Fuck these “totally dark and adult” reimagining of fairy tales. Who are they FOR? What adult wants to see a gritty version of a story they remember from childhood, except this time everyone’s fucking? That’s creepy.
Obviously this doesn’t apply to Grimm, which is the best.
The billboard for Hansel & Gretel made me angry/LOL. The tagline was straight-up “Classic Tale. New Twist.” Like they fucking forgot to change the placeholder tagline on their PowerPoint pitch.
PFEW.
We all know that James Franco is going to get this role so why are we even bothering?
How has no one mentioned Andy Serkis yet?!
The time is now.
Gary “I’m going to pull out your endocrine system” Busey
Donald Trump
*Sidenote: I googled Donald Trump gif and it let me back to Videogum This Week in Gifs page from last November. Destiny.