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Kelly: Hey, Gabe!
Gabe: hey kelly
Kelly: How are you?
Gabe: pretty good, thank you for asking
Kelly: You’re welcome!
Gabe: no real complaints
Gabe: many fake complaints
Gabe: “this beanbag is too grumpy!”
Gabe: things like that
Gabe: but mostly i’m good
Gabe: how are you?
Kelly: Oh, me? I’m fine.
Kelly: It’s snowing a bit, which is nice, though I do have to say that I’m ready for spring!
Kelly: You with me?
Gabe: did you tell anyone?
Gabe: kelly’s ready, guys!
Kelly: I’m ready! Bring it on!
Kelly: BING it on.
Kelly: #bingchallenge
Gabe: you love bing
Kelly: It wins every time I do the bing challenge.
Kelly: When I challenge myself to think of something I love more than Bing
Kelly: & I cannot
Gabe: what a great challenge you play
Gabe: your life is fun, you have fun
Kelly: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Kelly: So anyway you’re a big Star Wars fan, right
Gabe: well, no, i am an adult
Gabe: but i loved star wars as a child
Gabe: when it was appropriate to do so
Kelly: Oh boy, here we go!
Gabe: THOSE ARE MOVIES FOR CHILDREN
Kelly: hahaha
Gabe: THAT’S ALL
Gabe: why, do you love star wars so much?
Kelly: No, I don’t know anything about Star Wars.
Kelly: The only full Star Wars movie I’ve ever sat down and watched was the one with Jar Jar Binks because I saw it in theaters with my family
Gabe: !!!!!!
Gabe: that is like
Gabe: saying that the only stand up comedy you’ve ever seen
Gabe: was a Jeff Dunham show
Kelly: hahaha
Kelly: No, I know
Kelly: I honestly did not want to admit it but I didn’t think there was a way I’d get around the truth in this chat
Kelly: “My favorite part was when he fell off the cliff and did the scream”
Kelly: “Did you even THINK he’d be the father?”
Kelly: Someday I’ll see the actual movies
Gabe: i don’t like it when
Gabe: someone hasn’t seen something
Gabe: that everyone else pretty much has seen
Gabe: and everyone is shocked and amazed and even ANGRY that they haven’t seen it
Gabe: because it’s like, yeah, so what, there are gaps in everyone’s knowledge of the world
Gabe: everyone hasn’t seen something they should have seen
Gabe: especially with movies for children, like this or the Goonies or whatever
Kelly: Yeah
Gabe: where you’re past the age where you’re even going to like it anyway
Gabe: so what’s the point
Gabe: you’re just going to watch a movie that has aged so-so intedned for a much younger audience and you are going to be unimpressed and kind of bored
Gabe: but also why didn’t you just watch it at some point?
Gabe: hahahahaha
Gabe: after all of that, i can’t believe you and i am MAD
Kelly: hahaha
Kelly: I knew after all of that
Kelly: You’d give us a TWIST
Gabe: kelly, i am your boss
Gabe: get it?
Gabe: star wars
Gabe: KELLY, I AM YOUR BOSS
Kelly: But you’re a bad guy noooooo wilhelm scream noooooooo
Gabe: ew
Gabe: i think if you have never seen star wars
Gabe: you are not allowed to reference willhelm scream
Kelly: hahaha
Kelly: It’s totally possible that I saw Star Wars as a baby and just forgot or whatever.
Kelly: I almost certainly did.
Kelly: Let’s drop it ok
Gabe: oh cool
Gabe: cool loophole
Gabe: forget i said anything
Gabe: just go to a hypnotist
Gabe: and have them rescue all of your star wars memories
Gabe: anyway
Gabe: what is your star wars news, nerd?
Kelly: Get ready! Put on your seatbelt!
Kelly: George Lucas, in an interview with Star Wars fan zine Bloomberg Businessweek
Gabe: DID THE WILLHELM SCREAM/!
Kelly: Hahahah YES YES YES
Gabe: GEORGE LUCAS REVEALED THAT THE WILLHELM SCREAM WILL BE IN THE NEW STAR WARS INSTALLMENTS
Kelly: No.
Kelly: BUT
Kelly: He confirmed that Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill, and Carrie Fisher would be in them!!
Kelly: ALL YOUR OLD FRIENDS!
Gabe: gross
Gabe: that’s dumb
Kelly: “I hope you haven’t gotten too old for us, Gabriel…” -Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher
Kelly: “We’re coming back, Gabriel…I hope you still love us…”
Gabe: they are all so old, what are they going to do in this movie?!
Kelly: Hopefully MAKE OUT!
Gabe: luke, use the force….to replace my hip!
Gabe: LOLOLOLOL
Gabe: VERY GOOD JOKE
Kelly: AahahahAHAHAHHA
Kelly: “Luke I am your great grandfather” lol
Gabe: you’re like “Me So Jar Jar!” that is your only star wars reference
Kelly: 
Kelly: Which one of those guys played Jar Jar though?
Kelly: Mark Hamill?
Gabe: i think it was carlos mencia
Kelly: Oooh right right
Gabe: i feel like these aging movie stars
Gabe: should continue to be in movies, that is fine
Gabe: like, new movies
Gabe: where they play guests
Gabe: at marigold hotels
Gabe: and what have you
Kelly: Mmhm
Gabe: but when it comes to time to recreate the old magic, they should have the dignity
Gabe: to say “I don’t want anyone to see me like this”
the way injured animals will just crawl off into the woods and die
Gabe: have some respect! you are not going to come off well!
Gabe: things change for all of us, it’s ok, embrace it pip pops!
Kelly: Right, and with something like this
Kelly: I feel like everyone involved feels like the fans are demanding it, or at the very least will be so excited about it
Kelly: And maybe the fans will be
Kelly: But probably only until they see it
Kelly: And realize that oops oh right no they are humans and probably shouldn’t be doing this anymore
Gabe: i just think there is something so depressing about it, for everyone involved
Gabe: fans as well
Gabe: move on with your lives, fans
Gabe: there are so many things out there!
Gabe: find a new one
Kelly: Or at the very least just dwell on what you already have, if that’s all you want.
Kelly: If you want something new why just, yeah, find a new thing
Gabe: right, that’s the weird side of it
Kelly: Not a garbagey version of your old thing
Gabe: like, if they remake something the fans get mad
Gabe: why?
Gabe: they’re not destroying all the copies of the old one
Kelly: hahah
Gabe: people have such weird rules when it comes to satisfying their nostalgia
Gabe: you have to do it this way! don’t ruin it for me!
Gabe: my precious memories and my overall value system is too fragile i might die!
Gabe: that is my impression of a very real person who definitely exists
Gabe: and not a straw man i just invented to represent my general feelings
Gabe: about the situation
Kelly: hahah
Kelly: Sure
Kelly: It is ridiculous, but also
Kelly: Even though I know it is ridiculous, a band I like very much that broke up a long time ago is getting back together and releasing new music soon and my first thought when hearing that was
Kelly: Noooooooooo wilhelm scream!!!!!!!!!
Kelly: Because my first FEELING was that they were going to ruin what in my mind was a perfect legacy of perfect music
Kelly: But also they are just humans and can do whatever they want, who cares.
Gabe: is it Zwan?
Gabe: are you talking about Zwan?
Kelly: SHHHH SHH SHH
Kelly: yes
Gabe: talk about a perfect legacy of perfect music
Kelly: hahaha
Gabe: zwan: music :: kelly : willhelm scream
Kelly: It’s kind of like being Facebook friends with someone you were very good friends with as a kid
Kelly: Who has grown up to be a nightmare
Kelly: The memories are still the same but also now you have to think of all that new stuff when you think of the memories
Gabe: and asking them if they want to go ride bikes and then sleep over
Kelly: hahah right
Kelly: WHY ISN’T IT THE SAME ANYMORE?!
Kelly: But really when you think about it none of it matters.
Kelly: Who cares whatever #starwars
Gabe: hahahahahhah
Gabe: good point, good slogan
Kelly: ty ty
Gabe: kelly, i am your boss
Gabe: INDEED
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did anyone else watch the most recent indiana jones and think, damn…someday i am going to be old? that is my only reaction to that movie.
I watched it and thought “Their treasure was knowledge” was a horrible line, but that there are also many horrible lines in the first three Indiana Jones movies as well. I was also glad that the mom from The Sandlot came back because I had very strong pubescent feelings for her when I was an age where The Sandlot was very important to me.
No, but when I found out last week that Eminem’s daughter is 17, my immediate reaction was “damn, I am ALREADY old.”
It made my heart sad
“I’m on vacation!”
- Han Solo (a long time ago – a slightly less long time ago)
It’s weird how we saw that photo of Luke, Leia, and Han a million times before Jedi came out but never saw the family resemblance between Luke & Leia. Then after you see Jedi it’s like, Oh man, look at their faces: it’s so OBVIOUS.
No, because I was too busy throwing up out of my eyes when I saw Shia LeBoeuf swinging through the trees like a monkey and my first thought was, “Man, this scene is so bad, my eyes have literally connected themselves to my digestive system to disgorge semi-digested food out of themselves for the express purpose of registering my own disgust for this movie. This is at once both fascinating and horrific.”
Sorry, this was supposed to be a reply to ashleigh. i can’t see so well anymore because of the damage my stomach acid did to my ocular nerve. Thanks, monkey Shia.
that whole movie just made me feel old. everything about it was so dated and awful. i did not enjoy it.
I went and saw it with my roommate who had never seen any Indys (me: WHAAAAA?), and then I was so embarrassed because now that is what she thinks I have been loving all these years. Being an Indy fan is hard.
being a nerd is hard. i have tried on various occasions to introduce my friends to my passions with lackluster results.
“no, trust me, it is completely normal for an adult woman to collect comic books.”
“trust me you will not regret giving up your saturday at the mall to play magic the gathering with me.” (although i haven’t done that since high school thank you very much.)
“doctor who is only really good if you sit down and watch five seasons in a row while not showering and also eating a ton of carbohydrates.” (this has also led to the need to explain a variety of doctor who themed accessories that are in my domicile.)
“you will not regret going to the midnight showing of _____ in costume. other adults will be there too.”
I think that’s a huge part of the remake-hatred really. People all see the new one, and it sets a new popular sentiment about the whole franchise, and you get stuck with it because you’ve been talking about the originals. Like, well, everyone thinking you think JarJar is acceptable b/c you talked about the originals.
I’d like to formally apologize to my old roommate who sent me a fake-angry text last night for dragging her through the VGum mud. She HAD seen all the Indys, I was thinking of another friend who hadn’t. If you see my roommate on the street, don’t judge her. Thanks.
I also hate when people are like “you haven’t seen X?!?!?” like you murdered their mother or something because it’s like a normal thing to have not yet consumed all of the world’s culture. i was a film major in college and that was especially annoying because someone would say it about some random 80s movie they loved as a kid or something and you’d have to be like, “Yeah, sorry, in film class we were too busy watching Casablanca or 8 1/2 to see that random movie that you saw once.”
A friend of mine is studying film at UCSD (she’s in her late 20s), and she was talking to all the pretentious young freshmen who were just spouting off about Eisenstein, Trouffat, etc. Finally they asked her what her favorite movie is, and said “The Godfather.” None of them had seen it. In this case, to get mad at someone for not seeing arguably the best movie of all time, especially in film school, is pretty valid in my opinion.
I usually have the opposite problem, where I’m the only one who has seen X and everyone looks at me like I live in a cave with my 7 DVRs bursting at the seams. I feel like there are others of you that experience this, right?
Not necessarily with movies, but it happens to me ALL THE TIME when I make a joke referencing something that nobody else has heard of, be it Sleepaway Camp, or Rico Suave, or what have you. But the secret feeling of superiority this gives me always makes up for the joke failing to land.
I also hate it when people act like you can’t be friends with someone if they aren’t into all the same stuff as you. Like, you can date a girl who doesn’t like STAR WARS and even if you like STAR WARS you can still find other things that you have in common and have a nice relationship?
As long as the other person isn’t like, openly reductive about the stuff you like, that is. My little brother was once dating a girl who hated Wilco and called them Wil-suck (nice job, great job with that) and was super proud of how she didn’t like them and liked shitty whiny emo music and I was like dude, what are you doing.
I get what you’re saying, but at the same time, I’m not sure I could ever be with somebody who doesn’t agree that “I Believe In A Thing Called Love” is the greatest song ever made.
She has a really good point. Wilco is super boring and steals from the Replacements without being 1/32nd as good. This being said, that opinion made me very unpopular when I lived in Chicago 10 or 11 years ago. Also: I once had a crush on this guy and then I found out his favorite band was Coldplay and the crush literally ended before he finished his sentence.
And, for the record, yes my self-satisfaction keeps me warm at night.
I feel like Coldplay is in the category of things that everybody hates because the internet tells them to. Nickelback is the President of that club, and Anne Hathaway is the newest member. Honestly, Coldplay isn’t terrible. I wouldn’t buy any of their music, but they’ve got some songs I kinda like.
You’re dead to me.
In a good way?
Yeah, I mean Coldplay is boring but it’s not like they’re offensively terrible.
And I totally get it if people don’t like Wilco, but if you absolutely hate something and yell your opinion about it at everyone, you shouldn’t then like awful, objectively worse things instead.
Are you saying the Replacements are worse or am I misreading this because of daylight savings?
The worst part about it is that they’re so excited to be mad at you
So you can turn this into a party game where you try to think of the movie that you haven’t seen and you get a point for everyone who HAS seen it.
The only problem is that you name the movie and you are like “oh shit, I saw 20 minutes of it on TV once, does that count?”
I don’t know why I spent so much time on this guys.
Why must you make me cry?
because it’s hilarious duh
Did you ever know that you’re my hero?
You’re the Monster I wish I could be.
If I could fauxtoshop like catweazle…
I could quit this job and just do scenes.
Carrie Fischer has still kind of got it going on, in the feisty person you had a childhood crush on but you know would hate you IRL but you still kind of want to meet anyway department
Like Tina Fey is now?
Like TIna Fey will be in 20 years. But yeah, the torch has been passed
star wars fans only seem to think Princess Leia has it going on when she is chained to a giant toad for some reason
you win the internet, CONGRATULATIONS. we can all go home now
Do kids even ride bikes? “Let’s ride bikes!” That was every day from when I was in first grade until I could drive. “Come home when you hear the fire siren” is what my mom would say before I was old enough to tell time, because my town had a volunteer FD and they’d test the FD house siren every night at 6:00 and you could hear it anywhere in the neighborhood. So I’d play in the street till then, blocks away from home, unsupervised, with all the other kids, like Lord of the Flies until the siren. My friends who are parents now never say “Get out of the goddamn house, please” to their first-graders, and that is weird, isn’t it? What the hell kind of kids are these without bikes and freedom? #MayanApocalypse #nobama #tyranny #GooniesIsDumbButILivedIt
That’s like whatever story of David Sedaris’ where he says that his mother used to lock him and his siblings out of the house so that she could have some peace. That is the kind of mother I’d be. “Get out from under my feet, children!”
The assholes who lived behind me at my last house would lock their kids out and make them play in the back yard sometimes. Judging by the babymaking music they blasted during these times, I’m not sure it was peace and quiet they were going for, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. I would have locked those kids out, too; they were assholes. They used to throw balls at my dog until they realized they weren’t going to ever get the balls back.
each week we choose a theme and put together different kinds of [comment threads] on that theme…
–Greg Armisen (psych!)
I was shouting amen to all of this until I got to the Goonies part. It’s our time down here, Hotspur. That’s all over the second we ride up Troy’s bucket. GOONIES 4 EVA.
seriously though.
That seems insane to test the siren EVERY DAY. Like, test it once a month or something.
I used to be a really huge Star Wars fan, and the first movies will always hold a dear place in my heart. Even in my late teens/early 20s when the new movies were coming out, I was in the minority of people that didn’t want to die a thousand times while watching them. They weren’t as good, no, but the original ones were pretty corny too if you ever tried to watch them objectively instead of as these sacred totems of your youth.
Anyway, a few years ago, I got sick of it all. It sort of dawned on me that Star Wars was NEVER going to go away and quietly recede into the background of our culture where a 35-year-old sci-fi movie phenomenon probably belonged–and where I could safely appreciate it occasionally and on my own terms. It was going to continually be repackaged and resold and re-exalted forever…and this was even before Disney bought it. I guess I’m a little sad that I lost the special connection that I once felt to it. These are probably healthy feelings that I should have been experiencing around age 14, though, to be honest.
Did anyone else watch Son of the Beach in college because your friends were into watching things ironically even though you personally think watching things ironically is a huge waste of time?
No, but everybody else hates watching things ironically, so now I watch things ironically ironically.
I think it makes sense for Han / Leia / Luke et all to show up if it’s for a brief scene to show where they are and then have the action move on to Han/Leia’s kid or whatever. The nightmare version would be having them along for all the main action scenes while going “I’m getting too old for this!” or whatever but I would not be horribly surprised if they go that route.
Glad to see you didn’t fire Kelly this time. I guess it was time to retire that joke after Mary took it too seriously.
“QUICKLY! Get to the AT-RM-ST!”*
(*All-Terrain Rascal Mobility Scooter Transport)
My husband is one of those people who has never seen a million movies (but he has seen most of the sci-if ones, and every episode of Star Trek TNG several times), and he gets shit for it all of the time, but it’s part of the reason I started dating him. There are a few movies from childhood that I especially hate, and it when I discovered that not only did he not love them like everyone else, but he hadn’t even seen them? It was a game-changer. Tabula rasa.
I really related to the facebook metaphor My bff from elementary school is in prison.
Kelly! You will probably not see this as I am waaaay late to the party, but is the band you are talking about The Dismemberment Plan by any chance?
Yes!