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Finally! Finally, finally, finally. It’s like, you hear about these famous movie stars all the time and you’re always wondering, “When am I gonna get to see these guys win an award for something?” And then you wonder a little more specifically, “Who are they going to be wearing?” And the answer is RIGHT NOW! (PLUS, LIKE, A MILLION OTHER TIMES!) AND ALSO, I’M NOT SURE! SOMETHING FANCY, I BET! HOORAY! Our host tonight is Seth MacFarlane, which doesn’t sound great, but remember when he was totally decent on Saturday Night Live? So. Maybe it won’t be awful! Here’s hoping! There’s not a lot of hope, but here’s hoping! How soon in the night do you have him doing Stewie voice in your office Stewie Voice Pool? I have 14 seconds into his opening speech. Good luck in that and in your Official Videogum Oscar Pool! Hang out with us here in the comments tonight, and also hang out with us on Twitter! GOOD LUCK 2 OUR FAVES!
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I have chicken bacon ranch pizza! what pizza is everyone eating???
I made breakfast for dinner…french toast, scrambled eggs, and sausage. I ate way too much and will spend the rest of the ceremony in a food coma.
Man, now I want some french toast! I had breakfast for dinner on Friday but I just had waffles and bacon.
Potato soup! It was delicious.
Beef Stew with too much flour!
Love potato soup! I have to keep myself from making it every week.
I had Whattaburger. Sorry guys. What’s everyone drinking? I have some chocolate wine that I got at a party last night. Little scared of it, but it might be good. I’ll wait until the actual ceremony to crack it open. Although, sitting through the red carpet interviews is making me want to break it out early.
Love whattaburger. But I only went at weird hours of the night and it took them FOREVER to make a burger. That’s what happens when you are drunk and hungry in Tulsa. Also, the chocolate wine? It’s strange. Not bad, just…strange….
What?!? I’m in Tulsa! Just took a sip of the chocolate wine and it’s pretty tasty, I must say. And, yes, Whattaburger is the slooooowest. B
OMG!!! For real??? I just moved from there 6 months ago. Midtown in the house!!!
Haha. I used to live in Midtown but now I’m a Southie – Bixby really – representin’ the burbs!
What what! It’s ok. I grew up at 91st & Memorial, so almost Bixby. Crazy!!!
I have 2 dollar wine from fred meyer. Living the rich lyfeee.
FRED MEYER 4-LYFE
I’m at work, so no drinking for me yet! But I fully intend to crack open a bottle of toasted caramel whiskey when I get home. I’m pretty pumped about it.
I’m drinking a grasshopper because I have so much creme de menthe from a baking project a while ago. It’s 60 proof? What?
You ain’t gotta be ashamed of drinking grasshoppers! A delicious drink is a delicious drink, and there is no shame in any of them. Someone should tell that to the Hard Rock Cafe waiter who laughed at me for ordering appletinis. I HAD A GOOD REASON!
I just shoved a Trader Joe’s Greek Chicken platter in my piehole.
Pitcher of bloody marys that I earmarked to drink throughout the show, but I just finished.
Since bloody marys are disgusting, I imagine it’s best to just get it over with at once. Like pulling off a worcestershire-soaked band-aid.
Room service! A chicken club, fries, and champagne. (I know I am spoiled.)
Nah, if you were spoiled, you’d be drinking realpagne.
OK, I am exaggerating. It’s some kind of sparkling white wine.
omg we are eating the same kind of pizzaaaaa!!!! well, one of the kinds!
Punkcakes and milk
Are punkcakes a play on cupcakes? I would have thought pancakes.
These ABC red carpet people are werid
Kristin Chenowith disturbs Mr. ArtDork to no end…
the dude is sooo awkward.
I just switched from E to ABC, so I haven’t seen the guy yet.
Yeah, who is that dude?
Are you talking about the poor man’s Anderson Cooper? Because he’s awful! It’s like ABC, knows this as well, cause they keep screwing with his audio.
yes him!! who is he?! he’s a nightmare!!
I have no idea. But eek!
To all the Hollywood people at the Oscars tonight grade 3 softball rules apply, It doesn’t matter if you win as long as you had fun making those movies.
kiss me on the mouth Clooney!!!
Has anyone done an academic study on why Anne Hathaway is so grating?
oh man I cant deal
I would venture to guess that it’s because she’s overly sincere. And too much of a high school drama kid. You know, the one who annoyed the crap out of all the rest of the drama kids.
She’s the most insufferable high school theatre beret-wearing ACTRESS who actually made it and thinks her luck is because of talent.
Bingo.
Since I can’t watch the ceremony at work, can we instead start a discussion about how NASCAR is trying to diversify, so they brought 50 Cent to the Daytona 500 to add a little color to the place? Because first of all, that is hilarious, and also, that is basically the live-action version of having a picture of your black friend in your wallet, except your black friend is being paid to be in your wallet so you don’t look like a racist asshole.
Hahahahaha. You know things about NASCAR and 50 Cent.
It was on the front page of Yahoo news! I don’t seek these things out! They just happen to me!
I like how they are trying to kill the fans who attend the races
did he get to drive a car??
Yeah, but it didn’t last long, he kept getting pulled over.
I wish Revenge was going to be on instead of this garbage.
I KNOW!
I’m going to watch episodes of Revenge that I saved on my DVR instead of this garbage. I bet I’ll laugh more when Fauxmanda bites it than any joke by that Family Guy douchebag.
Watch the one where she fell off the balcony. That’s good for a chuckle.
Or the one where Declan almost did something useful for once then WHOOPS COFFEE BEANS ALL OVER THE PLACE.
Nolcrop me
I think I got this
Kristen Stewart. I just can’t with you. So bored and pissed. I’m sure we all feel sorry for you for having to get dressed up and have your picture taken at the Oscars. Poor, poor thing.
she makes me think of a 3 year old throwing a tantrum
It’s just so hard, you guys. To wear fancy dresses for free.
The red carpet actually sucks, especially for giant events. It’s either manic or dead or a weird mix where you’re standing around, waiting to talk to people — on either end. If you’re famous, you’re photographed 300xs a minute so you have to smile for at least 2 hours before you get to get inside. If you’re not, you’re being yelled at to get one person over another and have to tell someone you personally like that you need to get a soundbite from the person 1 or 2 away.
Whenever I covered these things, my feet were bleeding and super damaged by the end. Not like casual bleeding either, gross can’t walk for a week amounts of pain. And I was using comfortable short heels. Plus, even if it’s overcast and you keep putting on 65 SPF, you get an awful sunburn.
Girl has probably been up since 5 a.m. just to get fittings done and hair and nails and last minute dress nonsense. Plus if she went out for the Independent Film Awards, she’s doing this on 3 hours of sleep. And she knows she’s a punchline because of Twilight.
In summary, I don’t blame her. It’s not fun at all.
Yet, everyone else handles it so well. I guess it’s called acting?
I choked on my wine while reading this
Or maybe she’s stoned instead of drunk. Drunk red carpet celebs are way more fun to interview. Or ones that are really new and super excited to do everything.
So I saw Warm Bodies last weekend and the girl in it looked exactly like KStew! Except this girl could kind of act! Except the movie wasn’t very good.
No! That movie’s great!
It was like one long music video, which was bothersome.
I love how many downvotes I’m getting for this! Controversy!
That’ll be all Kristen Chenowith, that’ll be all
She’s so bizarrely tiny.
OMG!!! It’s almost time guys! Are you excitied??
I still have a half an hour until I can stop splitting my time between the Amazing Race and the Oscars! Make sure nothing funny happens/there are no attractive people until I can give the Oscars my full attention!
I’m on it.
I am REALLY excited for Red Widow
I support all ER members except margolis
Seth looks nice
Yeah, I know he’s the worst, but he’s strangely handsome.
“How excited are you to be here tonight?” may even be a better question than “where you you get your ideas?”
That was the first unfunny Robin Williams reference of the night
Waiting for Seth MacFarlane to ask “is anybody from out of town?”
Try the veal?
Why CAN’T Tina and Amy host everything?
Seth, imma let you finish, but Tina and Amy did the best hosting of all time!
I can’t watch tonight but I am going to read your comments and pretend.
All you’re missing is the weirdest musical number I have ever seen.
ARE THERE ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE?!??!?!
No. Well, Channing Tatum in a “please don’t talk” sort of way.
I heard I’m also missing Joseph Gordon Levitt. Damnit.
WE NEED MORE MISOGNY!!!
There was just a lot of laughter but none of it was coming from the front
I said the exact same thing!!!
Seth has already exceeded the number of songs I’ve allowed him for the evening.
You should have taken the over…
I see that now.
Charlize Theron is so pretty! I love her dress.
She is an angel from heaven
Oy so much singing!!!! What is this, an SNL monologue??
I think it might be singing all the way down.
I wish joseph gordan levitt wore his bruce willis face.
Is this still the opening shtick?
Still.
Sally field is actually pretty funny
Sally Field must be pretty cool. Plus, she looks like my mom. So, I’m a fan.
I saw her in an airport once. She’s really short.
I think maybe if Seth Macfarlane wasn’t famous and i didn’t know who he was and i had never heard him open his mouth i would maybe find him attractive…
Doesn’t he just look like a drawing of an attractive guy?
That is the most accurate description there wil ever be.
He looks like a douchey Mark Ruffalo?
Ok, which of you jackampoes told Seth McFarlane he was a good singer??? You are only encouraging this behaviour!
and the wine is opened and drank straight from the bottle
I’m going on record. I love Christoph Waltz. He always seems so excited and genuinely happy.
seconded!
third!
Agreed! I think he’s very handsome, and he seems to have a good sense of humor. I loved him on SNL last week.
Shit, already 0 for 1
AND my fly is down. What a 1-2 punch.
Whelp, I’m out of running for the pool.
LETS GIVE OUT SOME MOONMEN!!!
Man, this is worse than that time they got Seth McFarlane to host the Oscars!
We shall now be referring to the Franco/Hathaway Oscars as the Golden Age
HI GUYS HOW ABOUT THESE OSCARS?!
Wow seriously the oscars
Did someone just lean on the piano?
the ET music always makes me cry
Oh god. I know. I would cry and cry and then beg my mom to let me watch it again.
ME TOO!!!! I wouldn’t stop crying until it started again!!!
I got separated from my mom when I was little because a store was showing E.T. outside the dressing rooms .(????) and I thought she was left. So it makes me cry for another reason. I didn’t see the movie until I was in college, and I cried like a baby.
I’ll give the sock puppets a pass.
did Travolta get new hair plugs?
I wish Paul Rudd was appearing as Bobby Newport.
I wish he was appearing as my husband.
Zing!
Oh dear. I feel that that will be my reaction to all the bits tonight. Oh dear.
Rudd and McCarthy, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?????
Welp, that’s enough Oscars. Walking Dead is on.
Brenda Chapman is dressed like Mary Todd LIncoln!!!
You know, I’ve never been as confused by an Oscar’s ceremony as I am right now…
wait are they playing the wrong video
Thank you! I have no idea.
Does it even matter?
did she introduce all of them??
I was going to praise their efficiency for having 3 movies in one montage, but then I realized that they shouldn’t be nominating 17 movies in the first place.
bahah
That little girl is sooooo cute.
Have you seen her purse? It’s a dog!
I know!! It just makes her all the more adorable!
Whoeee. This is uncomfortable.
She’s in the room, Seth! And now her mother has to try to explain to her a gross sex joke about her.
No Hiddleston? Then who cares?
Just to make sure that none of us lose sight of what is really important, I’d like to point out that Seth McFarlane, the man hosting the Oscars, once made an episode of Family Guy in which Quagmire rapes Marge Simpson, who then invites him back to her house for further sexual activities. When Homer walks in on them, Quagmire then proceeds to shoot ever member of the Simpson family, including Maggie, the baby. That is the man on your television screens, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh yes. I’m well aware. There’s so much cognitive dissonance going on right now, I can’t even explain it.
The Oscar goes to Lucius Malfoy.
I said Gandalf.
The scientist from Independence Day.
Bam. You’ve got it.
I am going to walk down to my local sports bar to see if they are showing the Oscars. I doubt videogum mobile is going to let me post (my phone is from 2010 and for fancy stuff like that it might as well be a phone-shaped rock or bar of soap) …but if it does, O what fun!
Claudio looks like a super hero villain with those locks
Good hair!
Nice to see Claudio Miranda bounced back after Shelley Long dumped him in The Money Pit.
Poor Alexander Gudonov
OMG beautiful hair
So far this is both the worst and most entertaining Oscars telecast I’ve ever watched.
mark ruffalos face is perfect
So, as it is an awards show free for all, what do you guys think the odds are of our mysterious Mr. Cumberbatch making an appearance?
Is there an Oscar for Best Name?
One can only hope…
I was just thinking “you know what this needs? Some Cumberbatch.” It’s the only thing that will help.
Now I feel inclined to invent a cocktail called the Benedict Cumberbatch, just so it really can be the solution to all of life’s problems.
I’m hoping it’s like a Beatlejuice thing. If we say his name enough times, he will appear. Cumberbatch, Cumberbatch, Cumberbatch.
playing people off with the Jaws music is REALLY GOOD
The shark will eat you if you don’t leave the stage!!!
Man, Jaws is a dick.
I need another grasshopper.
I’ve switched to Trader’s Joe’s finest $6 wine.
GET OFF THE STAGE!
Ouch. Completely cut off by Jaws music. This is so awkward. I don’t know if I can make it much longer!
so much second hand embarrasment
That’s the theme for tonight…
At least the Knicks are winning!
Jennifer Aniston looks good
She looks great, but I’d love to see her do something completely outside the box.
Quick game. Worst play-off music (Jaws excluded).
Philip Glass- Koyaanisqatsi
16 Tons.
Brilliant.
Damn. I seriously can’t think of any. Psycho maybe?
Baby Elephant Walk.
Yakety Sax.
Ke$ha
the Halloween theme or the music from Friday the 13th
That boobs song from earlier in the show?
Send in the clowns
That’s the classiest version of any Foreigner song ever.
Also all these jokes about Clooney, do they not know about his revenge pranks??!
Everyone stop making jokes and just give out awards!!!! (Not us. The celebs. Our jokes are juuust fine.)
channing tatum’s ears look really far back on his head?
OMG. Is that lady wearing pink leggings? Leggings are not pants!
“All they did was give some bad haircuts. My kids could have done that.” –Jackson Pollock
Ha! Art jokes.
That one was for you, artdork.
OT but regarding art jokes – http://risingtensions.tumblr.com/post/42891825747/manbartlett
Amazing!
She’s winning an award for hair styling? — Mrs. Lloyd Wrong
Really would have expecter her to keep her maiden name.
Seth keeps doing this like side look any time he says something barley offensive and its really bugging me
I really hope the next three minutes are JUST the Madonna Bond music video.
Fine, I guess I’ll just watch it on YouTube myself.
It’s not on YouTube! It’s nowhere on the internet! DID I DREAM IT?!?!?!?
Did you slip into a parallel world again?
In your world, am I married to Paul Rudd?
So what did i miss?
Second hand embarrassment and, uh, confusion.
That’s not very helpful at all.
This show hasn’t been very helpful.
It would be funny if the Jaws music started playing over the Bond music.
As they showed a super cut of Jaws, the bond villain.
I could only wish
Max Power! The man who’s name you love to touch….
Are they going to bring out Sheena Easton and Carly Simon too? That would be cool. Shirley sounds great.
What was Goldfinger’s hit song again?
For British Eyes Only
when they just showed the ceiling I was hoping all the James Bonds would repell down.
I’d have rather seen Duran Duran perform A View to a Kill.
Yes!
Shirley Bassey looked amazing and sounded great! She is 76!
Nobody does it better
Honestl, through, if they’re paying tribute to the character, Nobody Does it Better should have been the song they chose.
No love for Johnny Cash’s proposed song for the credits for Thunderball?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3rqS98seNA
I love that song. It’s nutty.
Alert nerd, but the symmetry and typeface selection in those nominee graphics is really working for me.
I was all ready to raise the roof for Leo D.
Did Seth just go an entire 60 seconds without telling a joke?
Or singing. Mark it down, people.
The box seat thing is kinda weird.
I’m surprised the director of Curfew is out this late.
Good night everybody.
Perfection.
Curfew was not good.
this guy comes off as a murderer pervert… maybe its the beiber haircut
He def had a Shia moment. Everyone keep your attraction to your parents to yourself, please!
I felt he had a bit of a Crispin Glover vibe.
Awww. Soapbox time. Support local arts! Especially programs for kids!
I wanted to know more about that lady! Finally something interesting and not awkward was happening and we didn’t get the full story!
But god forbid we don’t hear about Ben Affleck.
Macfarlene has a great coach’s clap
Zeppelin! Bitchin!
Just kidding, I’m not really a big Zeppelin fan.
I do like that particular song, though.