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lindsay: Who do you think actually has a bigger penis, McG or Michael Bay?
gabe: hmmm
gabe: who do I barf has a bigger barf, barf or barf?
gabe: is that your question?
lindsay: Someone needs to start this national conversation.
gabe: i think someone did
gabe: his name is McG and he is a clown
lindsay: Other than McG
gabe: i like that you are taking up the torch for him
gabe: the long, thin torch
gabe: the hot, hard torch
lindsay: A clown with insider information about Michael Bay’s penis size!
lindsay: I say McG
gabe: you would say McG
gabe: just because you think about McG’s penis all the time doesn’t make it the biggest, Lindsay
lindsay: I liked the Charlie’s Angels movies, and it must take confidence to work with such strong females as Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, and Lucy Liu.
lindsay: jk, that’s my whole entire argument
lindsay: whoops
lindsay: that’s my argument
gabe: what?
gabe: you want to talk confidence?
lindsay: it’s so dumb
gabe: michael bay went to wesleyan
gabe: that is confidence
lindsay: Did you ever think that reading Michael Bay’s IMDB page for clues to his penis size would be part of your JOB?
gabe: yes
gabe: 10 years ago
gabe: i wrote myself a check
gabe: for reading michael bay’s IMDB page for clues to his penis size
gabe: and today i can cash that check
lindsay: hahahahaha
lindsay: McG has a BA in psychology
gabe: seriously, though, McG just pulled the classic grift
lindsay: so I can clearly not choose the penis in front of Michael Bay (what?)
gabe: Michael Bay is never going to respond to this
gabe: because MICHAEL BAY DON’T PLAY NO GAMES
gabe: (with McG’s penis)
lindsay: True
gabe: and so McG can claim that he’s scared
gabe: but he is not scared
gabe: he is busy taking champagne jacuzzis
lindsay: By remaining silent, Michael Bay has shown himself to have the larger penis
gabe: but McG will pretend that his silence is concession
gabe: the gambit of the small-penised man
lindsay: Do you know what McG stands for? “McGinty.” A total small-penis name if I’ve ever heard one.
lindsay: It actually means “Son Of Small Penis Guy” in Gaelic.
gabe: racist
gabe: you’re racist against people with Irish backgrounds
gabe: it makes me sick
gabe: you’re racist against part-Irish penises
lindsay: McG is 41.
lindsay: He’s a 41 year old man.
gabe: yes
lindsay: I’m not sure what age the cutoff is for publicly challenging a colleague to a genital measuring contest, but it’s pre-41.
lindsay: or post-85
gabe: haha
gabe: i think the cut off is zero years old
lindsay: anyway, back to their penises
lindsay: which we’re both thinking about
lindsay: not abstractly
gabe: why doesn’t McG just make a movie about his penis?
lindsay: Every movie he makes is about his penis.
gabe: a docudrama
lindsay: Trade Mark: Fast cars.
gabe: wow
gabe: now you’re just cutting and pasting IMDB
lindsay: but it’s a total cliche!
gabe: well that argument extends to Michael Bay as well
gabe: by that argument, McG is actually the more honest person
lindsay: maybe “the untitled mcg spy project” is a docudrama about his penis
gabe: he should make a movie about his penis
gabe: to take away his opponent’s weapons
gabe: Eminem style
lindsay: Whoever’s movie makes less money has to officially name their penis after the other.
lindsay: Though I’m sure McG’s already has a name
lindsay: a legal name
lindsay: The Annihilator
gabe: McP
gabe: SORRY
lindsay: Hhahahaha
gabe: i am sorry
gabe: i am looking in the mirror
gabe: and i am apologizing to myself
gabe: and now i am forgiving myself
gabe: that’s how this begins
lindsay: it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault
lindsay: Michael Bay should issue a press release saying that he survived penis cancer a few years ago but sadly lost his penis and McG is being super mean, and then everyone will see his movie instead.
gabe: oh god, what?
gabe: that is what your brain does
gabe: that is your brain in action
gabe: your brain made that
gabe: Horrible Nightmare Movie Marketing 101, with Professor Robertson
lindsay: 102
lindsay: the first rule of movie marketing is that the phrase “penis cancer” should always be used. That’s why Toy Story did so well.
lindsay: You’re not really standing up for Michael Bay’s penis here.
lindsay: You’re doing your client a disservice.
gabe: um, i crushed you hours ago
gabe: at the first sign of resistence
gabe: you dropped McG’s penis
gabe: like it was diseased
lindsay: it’s true, I did bring up McGinty.
lindsay: I think that’s it’s name actually
lindsay: McGinty
lindsay: Ole McGinty
lindsay: The Annihilator
gabe: Michael Bay’s penis needs very little defense
gabe: it is its own champion
lindsay: Ah, I see your strategy
lindsay: By passionately defending McG’s penis, I have protested too much
lindsay: and you and Michael Bay’s penis win the art of war game
gabe: 48 Laws of Power, Chapter 14
gabe: Ignore Your Opponent’s Penis
lindsay: I hope McG googles himself all the time and sends me a gift basket from his penis.
gabe: you want a basket of McG’s semen
gabe: is what you just said
gabe: that is what you said, that you hoped for that
lindsay: I would regift it
lindsay: to you on your birthday
lindsay: hmm
lindsay: anything more to say in defense of your chosen penis, that of Mr. Michael Bay?
gabe: Michael Bay’s penis is bigger than McG’s penis
lindsay: No, it’s not.
gabe: Yes, it is.
lindsay: No, it’s not.
gabe: Yes, it is.
lindsay: No, it’s not.
gabe: Yes, it is.
lindsay: No, it’s not.
gabe: Yes, it is.
gabe: You dick.
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I don’t even want to know what Kenny Powers is about to link to right now.
Yeah, like that’s happening again.
Nice try, Senor Powers.
i likey da dog
McG’s penis is so big he’s having sex with Cameron Diaz in that picture
McP!
Well I certainly need to take a shower now.
I think this is my favorite Friday fight in a long while. McP? Ole McGinty? Regifted baskets of semen?
Enjoy your weekend guys. You’ve earned it.
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whaaaaaaaaaaat?
Thanks for the comment semen expert! Maybe you should write for CSI: Miami, they fling a lot of semen around the lab.
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Relax, “technojeremy”
First of all, wouldn’t it be easier for your kids to not come across this website if you didn’t visit it every single day to make asinine comments? Secondly, this is getting old Gabe.
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“you’re”
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“fucking” “morning”
It was quite godly of you to swear in your posts. I wonder if St.Pete will let you into heaven now.
Have fun jerking off to the national anthem and Kirk Cameron movies Mr.Patriot. I smell your freedom fries cooking from my computer scren.
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Yup, still a bigot
“y’all.” If you are going to type like a redneck, at least do it correctly. Oh, and Baptists aren’t supposed to curse either, at least from what I learned in the ten years I went to a Baptist church.
I used to be a Baptist, and I’d like to point out that I (and many other people) can have religious beliefs without being a dick about it. I’ve got to hand it to you, though, I can’t express my religious beliefs as hilariously or horribly as you can. “You’re local church probably has single groups, and they won’t judge you and your sinful ways.” Yes, because they will be kind, accepting Christians, just like you.
The best, though: “You are putting porn in our eyes. All in them.” LOL Oh how I dream of the day when Gabe and Lindsay will stop putting porn in my eyes. (Unless it’s funny porn or, as in this case, not actually porn.)
“You are putting porn in our eyes!” seriously just made my day. This man is art. Art, I tell you!!
Trick question! There’s actually only one penis, and they just share it, using Hollywood Special FX Magic. I know because I am that penis.
I vote McG… simply because I think McG is somewhat aware of his ridiculousness so it seems like less of a small dick quality… Bay seems to really think that was he’s doing is awesome… which it is… for junior high boys… and my sisters boyfriends…
The question is, WHEN are McG’s and Michael Bay’s penises?
There is about to be a catastrophic release of energy in McG’s penis and everyone on the island will die unless we can get inside and negate the energy.
This is my theory: both have laughably small penises. But McG’s need to overcompensate (vis a vis This Feud, the pretentious Dark Knight reaching of Terminator: Salvation) means his a bit smaller. But Michael Bay just accepts that he has a small penis and has no qualms with such small penis endeavors as making Fast Car movies. Which means his a little bit bigger. I’m going to 5.5″ to McG’s 5.
Thanks, college!!
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I also think that Michael Bay may have a little girth. But McG is like, number 2 pencil thick.
The end.
You’re apparently unaware of the average penis size.
Didn’t y’all have this same fuckin’ argument about Wes Anderson and Paul Thomas Anderson last year?
Lindsay, GREAT Princess Bride reference there. How good of a director is Michael Bay? You’ve heard of Fellini, Scorcese, Linklater? Morons.
Never go in with Lindsay when McG’s penis size is on the line!
Drew Barrymore looks horrible in that picture. Sorry, but that is the only thing I took away from this Friday Fight.
I know, she looks like she’s either dealing with uncomfortable gas-related bloating or having a moment of horrible, horrible clarity.
I think Michael Bay should take Lindsay’s advice and drop the “penis cancer” bomb on McG. It’s like saying “My mom’s dead” after someone hits you with a yo momma joke.
Is this where y’all wanna be when Jeebus comes back…talking about these penis’ penises???
Wait, which of these guys has the bigger vagina?
You’re putting porn in our eyes!
That is why I love you. Chock-full o’ porny goodness.
Well, that video is doing wonders for my gag reflex.
I hope neither of these men’s penises are in “predator moowwwde.” Because that does sound scary.
Michael Bay went to Wesleyan just to get a jump on his girl on girl action. What a big dick.
What are you talking about? Are you thinking of Wellesley?
Tommy Wiseau beats them both.
I thought we all agreed the naked wizard won
I’ve always wondered what my old granny and her cronies talked about when they got together for knitting club and now I know. Guessing what kind of wad these two high priced hack jobs pack is superfluous since most would consider them TO BE TWO WALKING PENISES to begin with. But don’t despair, you two have given me inspiration for my next topic on my blog: Can two dried up old hags still get it wet and keep it tight even though age works against their prolapsed and crusty flanges from ever working like new ever again?
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