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Studio Executive 1: So we got the OK to put up our Bruce Willis in Die Hard mural on the lot.
Studio Executive 2: Oh great. Now we just have to pick an image to capture indelibly.
Studio Executive 1: How wonderful!
Studio Executive 2: Just this process alone of picking out the image will almost be as fulfilling and joyful as the mural itself.
Studio Executive 1: To be sure.
Studio Executive 2: So? What should it be? What about when John McCain strangles that bodybuilder with a chain in the loading dock!
Studio Executive 1: John McClane.
Studio Executive 2: What?
Studio Executive 1: The character’s name is John McClane.
Studio Executive 2: That’s what I said!
Studio Executive 1: Let’s move forward. I think that image might be a bit too violent.
Studio Executive 2: OK, how about we do a real graphic, hip hop, street-style type thing, right? Like a Die Hard mural painted by Crisp? So you’ve got a silhouette of the office building, right? And maybe, like, OK, a silhouette of John McCaine–
Studio Executive 1: –McClane–
Studio Executive 2: Exactly! Leaning against the building. And then over this in some big typeface font it just says “YIPPEE-KAI-YAY MOTHERFUCKER.”
Studio Executive 1: That’s very imaginative and you know I love Crisp, but I think maybe we should not have the word Motherfucker emblazoned in 80-foot-high letters on the side of a soundstage.
Studio Executive 2: I see what you mean. Jeez, this is fun, and I know it is the journey and not the destination, but it’s a lot harder to come up with a loving and permanent tribute to the movie Die Hard for our studio lot than I had at first imagined!
Studio Executive 1: We’ll get there. [Presses button on intercom.] Samantha: could you bring in some fresh cocaine? This cocaine has gone cold.
Studio Executive 2: Wait. I’ve got it!
Studio Executive 1: Wait on the cocaine?
Studio Executive 2: No no, let’s have some cocaine. I just mean, like, hold on.
Studio Executive 1: So hold on to the cocaine? For later.
Studio Executive 2: Sorry, I’m not expressing myself clearly. Let’s not make any changes to the cocaine. I just think I might have an idea for the mural.
Studio Executive 1: Go on. [Snorts cocaine.] I’m listening, I can listen and do cocaine.
Studio Executive 2: [Does cocaine.] What about that scene where he’s crawling over broken glass in bare feet?
Studio Executive 1: That’s very gruesome. But I feel like you have something with this crawling thing. I like crawling. Is there anywhere else that he crawls?
Studio Executive 2: Yes! In the air duct!
Studio Executive 1: OK. OK. Yeah. This cocaine is really good by the way, have you tried this cocaine?
Studio Executive 2: Yeah!
Studio Executive 1: Yeah!
Studio Executive 2: Cocaine!
Studio Executive 1: I know!
Studio Executive 2: Let’s kiss!
Studio Executive 1: Let’s finish the mural idea first.
Studio Executive 2: Fine. So, what if it’s the scene where he’s crawling through the air duct, but we make his face, like, so big.
Studio Executive 1: Hahaha yeah. Like, almost too big.
Studio Executive 2: People will be like, “whoa.”
Studio Executive 1: “Whoa, that’s a gigantic face.”
Studio Executive 2: It will be a little unsettling.
Studio Executive 1: It will make people think.
Studio Executive 2: Yeah.
Studio Executive 1: Like, open your eyes, sheeple.
Studio Executive 2: Faces are out there.
Studio Executive 1: What if the whole world is actually just a face?
Studio Executive 2: It’s so hot in here. Are you hot? I’m burning up.
Studio Executive 1: Take your shirt off!
Studio Executive 2: Too late!
Studio Executive 1: [Pushes button on intercom.] Samantha: cancel the rest of my meetings.
Studio Executive 2: We did it, Brian.
Studio Executive 1: You and me, Dutch.
Studio Executive 2: Here, I want you to have this.
Studio Executive 1: Your father’s watch? I can’t accept this.
Studio Executive 2: Then throw it in the garbage.
[Transcript continues for another four hours.]
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The piercing blue eyes of an ice dragon.
I know this mural is supposed to make me all consumery and make me want to spend money on Die Hard stuff, but all I see is a guy who’s stuck coming out of the crawl space underneath my house.
The mural should have been the scene from Die Hard 3 when Bruce Willis and Sam Jackson are figuring out the riddle with the 5 and 3 gallon water jugs to stop the bomb from going off. That’s what I went with when I put a Die Hard mural on my living room wall.
That was always my favorite scene from any Die Hard movie because I’m a huge nerd.
And every time I watch it I’m like “wait… so you pour out the water from the big one into the smaller… or is it smaller into the bigger…” and then I remember how to do it right as they figure it out and I’m like “next time I’m going to remember” and then next time comes and I forget again.
What always blew my mind is that thee are two ways to do it, and I always tend to think of the way they don’t do it in the movie, so when they start doing it I’ve always gotten very confused, until one day I sat down with a pen and paper and worked that shit out and realized, “THERE ARE TWO WAYS TO DO IT!!!”
My memory of that scene is that they fudge the answer. Like, there’s a definitive way to get the the precise volume, but I don’t think they do it legitimately.
Wait I just googled “Diehard 3 jug scene” and I think they did it right!
Having never seen Die Hard, I can now only assume that it’s about a hunchback who likes to point and laugh at things.
You lost me after “having never seen Die Hard”
I think my time was better spent watching Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights ten times.
I’m seeing more of a Henry Fonda/ Brian Williams likeness
Who is going to be the villain in the new upcoming Die Hard movie, osteoporosis?
It’s kind of remarkable that it’s so close to the original!
I’m sorry, what was the question? I was lost in those dreamy semicircle swimming pools he has for eyes.
til I looked at the bank draft that said $7568, I be certain that…my… neighbour woz like actualy receiving money part time at there computar.. there neighbour started doing this 4 only about nineteen months and a short time ago repaid the morgage on there home and bourt a great Land Rover Defender. this is where I went……… BIT40.ℂOM