Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Gabe: hey kelly
Gabe: what up dog?
Gabe: yo dog what up my main man?
Kelly: Not much top dog!
Kelly: Just hanging out with the window open like it’s summertime.
Kelly: And thinking about last night’s New Girl
Kelly: As always
Gabe: the kiss heard round the tumblr
Kelly: SPOILER ALERT
Kelly: The something heard round the tumblr.
Gabe: it was ruined for me by these irresponsible BLOGGERS
Gabe: and i refuse to suffer ALONE
Gabe: APPOINTMENT VIEWING IS DEAD, CAREFUL WITH YOUR GIFs!
Kelly: You should have known not to go online after a new episode of New Girl was on TV.
Kelly: I’m sorry this happened to you but I’m happy that you’ll learn from it
Kelly: And always watch New Girl night of
Gabe: learn from this
Kelly: From what
Kelly: you’re taking a long time
Kelly: Are you trying to punch through your computer screen
Kelly: Oh so anyway how are you
Gabe: i’m fine thanks, i was better like two minutes ago, but still OK
Gabe: how are you?
Kelly: Had a big mood boost in the last 2 mins
Kelly: So p. good
Kelly: Are you excited for Super Bowl Sunday
Gabe: am i ever!
Kelly: Is your team in it?
Gabe: i like Super Bowl Sunday
Gabe: my team is always in it
Gabe: that’s the best part
Kelly: that’s perfect
Gabe: you just pick a team and yell at the team on TV
Gabe: “Go on!”
Gabe: “Get over there!”
Kelly: “GO ON!”
Gabe: “Doing great guys, let’s keep it up!”
Kelly: “DO YOU DO THIS FOR A LIVING OR NO?”
Kelly: That’s what I yell
Gabe: careful, kelly
Gabe: glass houses and all
Gabe: rubber and glue stuff
Gabe: right there
Gabe: “WHO ARE YOU WEARING?!”
Gabe: that’s what i yell
Gabe: i love the red carpet show before the Super Bowl
Gabe: where you get to see all the jersyes
Kelly: Yes that is always one of my favorite parts
Kelly: Really eases you into the game
Kelly: I love the go daddy commercials
Kelly: And saying, “What even IS GO DADDY?”
Kelly: And having a friend reply angrily
Kelly: “OH, ONLY THE BIGGEST DOMAIN NAME PROVIDER”
Kelly: Lots of fun memories
Gabe: well, that is true though
Gabe: also those ads have been around
Gabe: you could have BING’ed it
Kelly: Oh I know
Gabe: at some point
Kelly: I mean, I KNOW what it is.
Gabe: oh, so you just ask
Gabe: to make your friend mad?
Gabe: that’s fun
Gabe: you’ll be BEST friends soon, just a few more Super Bowls
Kelly: I hope we kiss someday like Nick and Jess did
Kelly: Last night on New Girl
Kelly: Anyway there is going to be a racist VW commercial this year, have you seen it?
Gabe: oh i see
Gabe: for a second i was like, all this sports talk, is Kelly vying for a job on deaspin.com?!
Gabe: but now i am like oh, no, she wants to work at smoothsegue.biz
Gabe: i have seen that ad, yes
Kelly: And now I’m like oh looks like Gabe is trying to get the job of President at biggestjerk.givemeabreak.worst
Gabe: jokes on you
Gabe: i already have that job
Gabe: pay is 10000000 a day plust benefits
Kelly: Hahahaha NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Kelly: Well you do a great job.
Gabe: thanks, i know
Gabe: that VW ad is very racist
Kelly: I DON’T EVEN WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE I AM TOO UPSET.
Gabe: about what?
Gabe: how much money i make?
Kelly: About how much money everyone makes
Gabe: it’s truffle season, kelly
Kelly: Anyway yeah it is racist.
Kelly: It debuted on CNN
Kelly: With the chief marketing director on in an panel discussion
Kelly: To defend it immediately after it aired
Gabe: why do they release super bowl ads before the super bowl anyway?
Gabe: you spent 100 million dollars on it
Kelly: To make sure you know they’re NOT racist.
Gabe: enjoy the moment
Kelly: “If you were just watching this normally you might think ‘definitely racist’ but let me go ahead and explain why it isn’t ahead of time”
Gabe: but if you do feel like you need to get your ad out there early
Gabe: check to see if it’s racist as fuck first
Gabe: the hardest part about watching that ad is imagining
Gabe: the parade of white dudes
Gabe: auditioning their jamaican voices
Gabe: who DIDN’T get the role
Kelly: And how all of those white dudes include “Jamaican” in the accents portion of their resume
Gabe: they can all “ride a horse” and “do a PERFECT jamaican accent”
Kelly: It is also insane
Kelly: How the VW marketing person points out that they DID test the ad with “actual Jamaicans”
Kelly: “THEY didn’t think it was racist!”
Kelly: What a nightmare
Gabe: “I have lots of black focus groups!”
Gabe: the thing i never understand about stuff like this
Gabe: is, like, OK, you have to make a commercial
Gabe: or whatever it is that you’re making: a joke, a blog, a movie, whatever
Gabe: and you have this one idea that you think MIGHT be kind of racist
Gabe: you’re not totally sure, but the thought has crossed your mind
Gabe: what about just doing something else that isn’t?
Kelly: Right. It’s not like “guy is happy about his car so he uses jamaican accent and is relaxed” took more than 3 seconds to come up with anyway
Kelly: “This might be racist, but it is CERTAINLY genius and I don’t want to waste it, sooo…”
Gabe: there is literally an infinite number of ideas
Gabe: pick one of those other ones
Gabe: also if your first line of defense against something being racist
Gabe: is to just ask a black person if they think it is racist
Gabe: regardless of what they say
Gabe: it’s almost definitely racist
Gabe: if you have to ask them, then it is
Gabe: and you know that, which is why you asked
Kelly: On this CNN segment the marketing guy says, “We obviously did our homework to make sure we weren’t offensive.”
Kelly: Which is very funny
Kelly: Because if it were obvious
Kelly: And if it were not offensive
Kelly: It would not have debuted during a segment devoted to talking about whether or not it is racist
Kelly: And also
Kelly: I can’t imagine
Gabe: what about just making something fun and funny to sell your stupid car where there’s NO HOMEWORK involved
Kelly: What it would have been like if they HADN’T done this homework
Gabe: as if this idea simply MUST be shared with the world
Gabe: god forbid someone said “you know what would be funny? a white guy doing a jamaican accent” and someone else said “yeah, tom, that is funny, now let’s think of some other funny ideas that aren’t racist.”
Gabe: instead it was just that first guy
Gabe: and then the quiet sound of so many conference room chiars
Gabe: spinning in circles
Gabe: as people RUSHED to get this made
Kelly: Rushing to see if someone could gather up some “actual jamaicans” to make sure everything is chill
Kelly: “I know it sounds racist to us, buuut”
Gabe: it would be one thing if this was
Gabe: a webisode
Gabe: of a poorly thought out Crackle series
Gabe: or whatever
Gabe: but this costs MILLIONS OF DOLLARS
Gabe: and will be seen by more people than pretty much any of your other ads all year
Gabe: so just as a goof
Gabe: what about making it not be racist
Kelly: Do you think it was at all intentional
Kelly: To make it “controversial”
Gabe: they probably didn’t want it to be controversial
Gabe: but they were probably like
Gabe: “either we get away with it and it’s COOL VIBES for 2013″
Gabe: “or people get mad in which case it’s GREAT PUBLICITY for our Nazi War Machine Car COmpany!”
Gabe: Hey, Volkswagen, remember how there are people still alive on this Earth who personally remember when you made cars for Hitler?
Gabe: how about not making racist Super Bowl commercials
Gabe: you fucking idiots