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Posted on Apr 16th, 2009 by Gabe
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In the spirit of the previous Best New Party Game in which you wrote the plot of a movie backwards in order to win all the fun (ex: if you watch Pretty Woman backwards, it’s about a rich woman whose boyfriend makes her become a prostitute) this one is even easier to play. You basically just reduce the plot of a movie to a few salient points to make it sound really dull and disappointing. A few examples from Postmodern Barney, the game’s creator (via BuzzFeed):
- Alien: Ship fails to deliver cargo, crew don’t get bonus.
- Blade Runner: Man with no apparent skill stumbles into escaped robots, fails to kill most, fucks one.
- Die Hard: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national.
- Groundhog Day: Misanthropic creep exploits space/time anomaly to stalk coworker.
- Jurassic Park: Theme park’s grand opening pushed back.
I’ll go first:
- A Few Good Men: A young lawyer discovers that he can, in fact, handle the truth.
- Mad Max: Leather daddy has trouble finding gas for his car.
- Bourne Ultimatum: It is discovered that a dictionary is a weapon.
I’m doing great. Lots of points. Your turn.
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Gone in 60 Seconds:
Man, woman steal expensive car. Drive it sometimes.
Rocky: Some immigrant loses a boxing match.
Twins: Survivors of a genetic experiment are reunited.
400 blows: not as fun as you’d think. before sunrise: man kills time waiting for his train. clockwork orange: gene-kelly-loving kid goes to the movies. drinks milk with his friends. diving bell and the butterfly: guy lays around in bed all day thinking about stuff.
Waterworld : Mutated fish man roams the world which is covered in water. Dennis Hopper loses an eye.
Crash: In inexplicably racist near future, a series of fender benders.
Pulp Fiction: Successful diner heist. Zed’s death confirmed.
Cloverfield: The trials and tribulations of young Brooklynites over the course of one eventful evening.
The Last Kiss: The worst.
How about The Last Kiss: Guy’s girlfriend gets pregnant. He freaks out.
Margot at the Wedding: family, bitching, and boredom with white people.
Free Willy: Troubled boy, troubled whale get home.
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off: Hipster grifter enjoys time in the city.
If I could give you more votes up, I would.
funny, yes. but does Ferris Beuller really need to be summarized in any greater depth?
The Pianist: A good pianist can’t find a piano to play. Finally he finds one.
Escape from LA : L.A. becomes an island prison. All “technology” is lost.
Lost in Translation: Two people travel to Japan and then go home.
Signs: Aliens invade earth then leave because, water.
Wait, is there a way to describe Lost in Translation that doesn’t make it sound dull and disappointing?
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
argh… not meant as a reply… sorry.
lost in translation: a man travels to japan to film a commercial and hangs around his hotel a lot.
lost in translation: Americans Stubbing Their Toes in Japan
…Nope!
(ferreal though, i think Lost in Translation is a good movie)
How about… “Lost in Translation: Young starlet forgets her deodorant.”
No Country for Old Men: Yokel finds new satchel. Woody Harrelson stars.
Rent: everyone gets AIDS, song a song, die, make a movie.
There Will Be Blood: A man’s startup enterprise finds moderate success.
Mac and Me: American boy learns that McDonald’s food and coca-cola are the most important resources in the universe.
Gremlins: Teen discovers he is completely irresponsible.
Heathers: Misfit girl lets boyfriend kill himself.
Casablanca: Nightclub owner helps woman make a flight.
The Strangers: Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman are visited by wandering hillbillys.
mmm…no more disappointing than the movie itself
Jaws: New England vacation town council discusses season-opening date.
Saw, Saw II, Saw III, Saw IV, etc.: Some people from disparate walks of life are strongly encouraged to reconsider their life choices.
Lost in Translation: Young bored photographer’s girlfriend hangs out aimlessly in Tokyo with an actor. Oh, wait…
Bridge over the River Kwai: Sabotage causes train accident.
The Shining: Family lives alone in hotel for 4 months
Fight Club: Schizophrenic man destroys apartment, moves into dilapidated home, goes on business trips.
Wall-E: Robot cleans mess, stops. Humans clean mess.
Chinatown: Private detective uncovers something, forgets it.
Gummo: Rural Ohioans pursue grooming and leisure activities
Wizard of Oz: young girl dreams.
300: Meager army is predictably defeated by overwhelming foe.
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind- one guy break up with his girl and then they get back together
The Usual Suspects: The Gimp did it.
Look Who’s Talking: Babies offer insightful witticisms. Parent’s don’t understand.
Hairspray: The Musical: Babies sing insightful witticisms. Parent’s don’t understand.
Romeo and Juliet: Babies recite insightful witticisms. Parent’s don’t understand.
I guess, parent’s just don’t understand?!
Parents— not Parent’s… unnecessary apostrophes for everyone!!!
I guess, “Parent’s just don’t understand!”?
Raging Bull: the life of a Miami nightclub entertainer.
Deliverance: Three businessmen take a canoe trip and interact with locals.
Lord of the Rings (Trilogy): Ungrateful and effeminate nephew sets out to destroy family heirloom with friend.
Five People You Meet in Heaven: Elderly carnival worker dies.
The Machinist: Gaunt can’t sleep.
*gaunt man
The Ten Commandments – Man is followed by Jews through the Desert.
I don’t think you need to mention the Desert, that’s too much detail. “Man followed by Jews” i think is fine.
Van Wilder: Guy finishes college.
Superbad: Kids go to a party, do not get laid.
300: Spartans fight and die.
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure: Two high school kids write a History report.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: 4 turtles and a rat eat pizza.
V for Vendetta: Girl cuts her hair.
The Matrix: Boy learns Kung Fu.
Karate Kid: Boy learns to paint a fence and wax a car.
28 Days Later: Virus causes pink eye, vomiting, irritability.
Speed: Bus unable to travel faster than 50 mph. Many commuters inconvenienced.
You know, it’s that the bus can’t go slower than 50 mph. Hence the title, “Speed.”
Benjamin Button: A guy is born and he has an on again off again thing with a girl. He dies of dimensia.
Fuck. Demensia. This is what I get for trying to write comments on the sly while my boss isn’t looking.
Dementia. Today is really my day.
Twilight: Two awkward teenagers share many long, awkward moments. One chews on a deer.
American History X: Racist is reformed.
Requiem for a Dream: Friends experiment with drugs.
The Hitchhikker’s Guide to the Galaxy: English man hitchhikes.
the godfather- young man reconnect with his family
Airplane!: Man overcomes fear of flying when commercial airplane lands safely.
Knocked Up: Man gets woman pregnant. She delivers baby.
Watchmen: Gifted urbanite’s death brings together nervous colleagues who mutter a lot, commit crimes, and have bad sex. Apocalypse kind of just happens, no biggie.
Slumdog Millionaire: Indians suffer at the hands of Murphy’s Law, until something goes right and they dance.
The Wrestler: Stripper and Fighter both need to retire. Girl heeds and guy doesn’t. Figures…
My Fair Lady: Young Cockney girl gets speech lessons
Marie Antoinette: Privileged youth spends money, eats.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: Couple breaks up, gets back together.
Harry Potter 1-whatever: Boy attends private school in the English countryside, learns he is consistently rewarded for breaking rules and being clueless.
The Other Sister: Never go full retard.
Ratatouile: Parisian restaurant becomes infested with vermin.
Children of Men: Man travels from London to Bexhill.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail: Men skip through the British countryside.
okay, I’m going to stop now
Mulholland Drive: A failed actress has a dream, kills self.
8 1/2: A popular filmmaker has writer’s block.
Taxi Driver: Man drives taxi, feels lonely.
Annie Hall: A New York couple has a reasonable, mutual break-up.
Tell No One: A man receives an email from his wife telling him to meet her at a park.
88 Minutes: A man passes 88 minutes of time, receives several cell phone calls.
Speed: A day in the life on a Los Angeles city bus.
Mirrors: No one listens to the guy who is afraid of mirrors until finally a nun explodes.
Phantom of The Opera: Easily angered opera affecianado trys to give advice on theater management, doesn’t get the girl.
Finding Nemo: Protagonist finally finds his disabled son in Sydney.
the dark knight: two outcasts argue.
high school musical: kids sing.
slumdog millionaire: teenager plays a game.
okay, okay. one more:
8mm: Man becomes obsessed with pornographic film, seeks to find creator.
The Prestige: Some twins do magic tricks.
Role Models: Two guys babysit.
Clueless: Rich girl spends money.
Garden State: Man hangs out in New Jersey.
Sister Act: Woman witnesses a mob crime. She hides with nuns, who eventually help get the criminals arrested. The all sing for the Pope.
Sister Act 2: Las Vegas showgirl almost keeps talented students from singing “Joyful,Joyful” to win a choir competition.
Godfather Part 1: Mafia Don make offer one can?t refuse. Someone kills a horse. Oranges.
Godfather Part 2: Son of Mafia Don kills own brother
Godfather Part 3: Son of Mafia Don contemplates his life.
Scarface: Latino man runs around using the f-word excessively
Taxi-Driver: Man stalks woman and has awkward relationship with underage prostitute. Man kills a pimp.
I don’t think you get it, man.
OK, thanks
Mask: Monster dreams of bicycles.
diving bell and the butterfly — paralyzed man hits on health care worker, health care worker misunderstands and writes book
Pealr Harbor: Japanese attack, get bombed
Resevoir Dogs: Cop and thieves dress up, all get shot
Pineapple Express: pothead gets into trouble with drug dealers, kills them and makes friends along the way.
Harry Potter: Boy becomes wizard, goes to school to learn more wizardry/ help stop bad wizards
Pineapple Express: Two stoners run away from their problems.
Willly Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: Man invites children in for candy. No charges are pressed.
Scarface: man goes into business, works too much.
Godfather: man starts a family business.
anything by Wong Kar Wai: people have feelings.
Robocop: a policeman does his job.
The Dark Crystal: a boy and girl hang out and do stuff with rocks.
Some Like It Hot: musicians have conversations while on a tour.
The Breakfast Club: kids go to Saturday detention, go home.
American Beauty: Man suffering mid-life crisis dies suddenly, leaves family an old FireBird and some free weights.
Princess Bride: Young boy learns to like books.
Spinal Tap- A bad band tours
Hot Rod- Dude who hates stepdad jumps over busses
Wet Hot American Summer- Kids go to summer camp, then leave.
Spinal Tap: Rock band does final tour. Opens for puppet show. Japan likes them after that.
Independence Day: A group of American individuals and foreign militaries defeat an alien invasion of Earth.
Dangerous Minds: White teacher struggles to teach poetry to her class.
Doubt: an old nun doubts her vocation but is certain about head priest’s pedophilia.
Mean Girls: African American girl enters American highschool and befriends several pretty girls.
Showgirls: A hooker hitchhikes to Las Vegas to become a famous dancing hooker.
Friday the 13th Part VIII:Jason takes Manhattan – man finds adventure in the big city
The Punisher: Warzone – Man kills people. Decides not to kill people. Kills more people.
Batman Begins: Affluent adolescent witnesses parents death, seeks solace at mountain retreat, returns home, conquers phobia, spends time in a cave, runs into old mentor on a train, resolves past differences
Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skulls: In the Fifties a washed up history teacher discovers he has a son and marries his old flame.
Over-simplification of the Year.
I liked it until you got all cocky at the end.
It’s not cockiness. it’s optimism. I need this award to vindicate my career.
I Love You, Man- Painfully awkward man makes a friend.
Trouble The Water- Female rapper promotes record.
Clerks: Man decides to do something with his life.
Clerks 2: Man has done nothing with his life. Re-opens a convenience store.
Godfather II: Meet the worst little brother in the world.
In Bruges: Two men go to Bruges. One dies. The other man maybe dies.
Brokeback Mountain: Isolated cowboys get lonely, find ways to deal.
Doubt: Stern nun embarks on crusade against molestation, ballpoint pens.
Kill Bill: Former model with strange feet kills Bill, others.
Titanic: ship bound for New York runs into a snafu.
before the devil knows you’re dead: brothers rob a store.
Talented Mr. Ripley: Gay man seduces other men in 1950’s Italy
Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure; Two academically challenged underachievers exploit space/time to prepare for a History assignment
Cast Away: FedEx employee spends time on island, befriends volley ball, returns home
There Will Be Blood: an oil baron and an evangelist share a milkshake
One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest: a nurse “pulls some henhouse shit” causing a tall native american to break a window
Full Metal Jacket: smartass journalist learns that not everything is ripe for snarky comments
Blood Simple: Private Investigator sustains a hand injury reaching in a window
The Player: Hollywood Exec greenlights a movie he can relate to
Being John Malkovich: John Cusack convinces titular actor to try puppetry
Little Miss Sunshine: a pudgy little girl loses a beauty pageant
Vanilla Sky: Tom Cruise wakes up from a long nap
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford: Robert Ford, a known coward, cowardly assassinates Jesse James.
Yeah!
Magnolia: People are dying for some Aimee Mann karaoke.
The Lives of Others: Mailman debugs his friend’s apartment after his girlfriend is resurrected by a truck. Writer decides against modernist plays.
oops wrong game.
I really want to see that now, actually.
Star Wars: A New Hope – Terrorists steal sensitive data. Farm boy plays with glowing sword, kills millions of civilian workers and military personnel. Terrorists celebrate with award ceremony.
–
Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back – Government continues to fight rebellious terrorists. Farm boy amputates abominable snowman, Alien frog teaches farm boy to move rocks with mind. Outlaw is frozen in carbonite. Farm boy has daddy issues.
–
Star Wars: Return of the Jedi – Outlaw is unfrozen, girlfriend in bikini kills giant slug. Farm boy reconnects with father, father dies. Terrorists kill tens of thousands of laborers and skilled tradesmen. Teddy bears have party.
Top Gun: Two pilots have a disagreement, but eventually resolve their differences.
Titanic: An elderly woman remembers where she left her necklace.
Hee, your Titanic one is one of my favorites.
Milk: Middle-aged man runs for city supervisor, wins.
Happy Feet: Penguins sing. One of them dances.
The Dark Knight: A mentally diseased man learns how to be creative.
Forrest Gump: Shit happens.
Fight Club: Man beats himself up and inadvertently starts a subculture
Good Will Hunting: Hot tempered janitor solves complicated mathematical equation, sees therapist, leaves town without telling anyone
“Revolutionary Road”: A couple decides not to move to Paris.
Star Wars: A New Hope – Terrorists steal sensitive data. Farm boy plays with glowing sword, kills millions of civilian workers and military personnel. Terrorists celebrate with award ceremony.
–
Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back – Government continues to fight rebellious
terrorists. Farm boy amputates abominable snowman, Alien frog teaches farm
boy to move rocks with mind. Outlaw is frozen in carbonite. Farm boy has
daddy issues.
–
Star Wars: Return of the Jedi – Outlaw is unfrozen, girlfriend in bikini
kills giant slug. Farm boy reconnects with father, father dies. Terrorists
kill tens of thousands of laborers and skilled tradesmen. Teddy bears have
party.
The Room: Man has relationship trouble, plays football.
Titanic: Rich girl, poor boy meet at sea.
Sunset Blvd.: Actress is ready for her closeup.
Heat: Cop and robber talk life over a cup of coffee.
Sin City: 3 males get angry, two of which die.
Ace Ventura – Pet Detective: Eccentric animal lover looks for pro football team’s mascot, attends Superbowl game
Citizen Kane- Man Dies, Misses Sled
The Number 23: Man who believes a number is following him slowly begins to realize he is a lunatic.
The Last Temptation of Christ: Jesus has identity crisis, dies without one.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall: Man dumped by girlfriend moves on with his life.
Star Wars: Teen moves away from home, kisses sister.
Empire Strikes Back: Mayor turns known criminal over to authorities.
Return of the Jedi: Ex-con dates friend’s sister. Siblings’ father dies.
The Neverending Story: Boy steals a book, returns it.
The Wizard of Oz: Girl has a dream while sleeping.
Mean Girls: Teenagers talk shit about each other.
Superbad: Two high-schoolers go to a party.
Brokeback Mountain: Cowboys work in Wyoming.
Milk: Man becomes involved in local government.
Frost/Nixon: A President is interviewed by a journalist.
Vicky Cristina Barcelona: They go to Barcelona, then they leave Barcelona.
E.T.: Boy finds alien, alien eats candy then leaves
apocalypse now: 5 guys take a boat up river, on drugs.
Boys On The Side: an Indigo Girls concert happens.
That’s why you’re a pro.
Steel Magnolias: Diabetes kills.
The Hebrew Hammer: Christmas finds out that Jews have feelings too.