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I like New Girl. The other week I was watching an episode of New Girl and I thought to myself “Do you know why this show is good?” Because that is how I think, in didactic, self-reflective questions. “Yes,” I thought to myself in response, “because all of the people on this show seem like they’re genuinely good friends who like and appreciate each other.” That’s neat! Even if it’s just a combination of good writing and great acting, it’s a rare trick to pull off. So many casts on television, especially on sitcoms, have a certain chilliness to them, which often comes from the fact that it’s easier to write jokes about people making fun of each other than it is to make jokes about people enjoying each other’s company. But so yeah. And I’ve never been bothered by Zooey Deschanel’s overly precious, cute and quirky thing. QUITE THE OPPOSITE! I think she pulls it off, and she seems nice and fun. When people complain about it, I think they are just jealous, which is the type of argumentation that would usually drive me nuts because you are allowed to complain about anything and there is nothing more condescending than to dismiss someone’s entire thought process and emotional state than by casually tossing it off as base jealousy. Gross! But I do think people are jealous of Zooey Deschanel. (Admittedly, the Siri commercial was silly.) Jesus, Gabe, why don’t you just marry her already? OK FINE, I WILL USE MY GREAT GRANDMA’S RING TO PROPOSE BECAUSE SHE WILL LOVE THAT! The point is: Zooey Deschanel is a-OK in my book but also HAHAHAH, she does know that when you are shopping for ingredients for a recipe YOU DON’T NEED TO BRING THE WHOLE BOOK TO THE STORE, RIGHT? You can write the ingredients down on a piece of scrap paper! Or in Zooey’s case, on the foot of an old doll’s shoe! Or engraved on the inside of a locket! You can write the ingredients down in lemon juice and then go into the store and buy a candle and go into the back alley with the candle and reveal the list like you’re a spy sent to make a quiche in enemy territory! But you really don’t need to bring the whole book, Zooey. Just FYI. Lots more great tips like this from me to you when we are man and wife.
Winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. Zoinks! (Zooey’s word.) Image via JustJared, no duh.
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Of course I am jealous. She is going to be making something that may be cookie-related. HOW CAN ANYONE NOT BE JEALOUS OF THAT?
Am I the only one getting this mental image from those earmuffs?
P.S. I have been a Zooey apologist for a long time and it’s so nice that people are finally begrudgingly accepting that she’s not the worst because New Girl is so good.
P.P.S. I bought that cookbook as a Christmas gift for someone last year. Stars: they’re just like us!
PPPS What cookbook is it? Does it have cookies? Inquiring minds want to know.
Isn’t she vegan? How can she eat out of that cookbook?
She’s abookable.
Siri, is that kale? What is kale? What does it do?
Sorry Zooey no one knows what kale is
“How do I make Hotzpacho, Siri?”
“Take a gigantic cookbook to the grocery store, put on your ridiculous earmuffs meant for a 10 year old and get your ass to the store, Zooey”
“Siri, are you sure there’s no app for that?”
“No.”
I usually take a picture of the recipe with my Droid Razr. Can you not do that with an iPhone?
But who am I kidding, I don’t use recipes! I only eat Guy Fieri (Guy!) frozen food products!!
I only eat Guy Fieri (I am a cannibal, he looks delicious)
Don’t eat Guy and drive, please. From the amount of tequila infused butter he uses in his recipes, I have a feeling he’s very high proof.
I also think he’d have a very chemically aftertaste. Look at that hair. Makes my lips pucker just looking at it.
Next stop: FLAVORTOWN!!!
pictured: FLAVORTOWN, NY
Pictured: Flavortown, France
I wonder if there is a Flavortown in Antarctica. It’s neat to imagine.
Pictured: FLAVORTOWN, South Pole.
Saveurville.
Fixed:
It actually looks weird to me without the baguette now.
Pictured: FLAVORTOWN, Italy. (Birthplace of the OLD SKOOL PEPPERONI PIZZA EGG ROLLS * more flavor *)
Son of a Donkey.
Do China! Do China!!
I’m so thrilled I can travel across the globe through Guy’s culinary magic.
Pictured: FLAVORTOWN, Hong Kong.
Do all the countries!! I just put it in the other post, but badideajeans, you are my new official source for Guy Fieri news. And since I made that decision five minutes ago, you haven’t let me down.
Pictured: FLAVORTOWN, Japan.
Actual photo of FLAVORTOWN, CA
“The most X-TREME sushi I have ever eaten.” – All of the Tokyo Magazines
FLAVORTOWN, CA is a real place. My parents live in the same city as this guy and saw him at a grocery store once. He was not buying his frozen food wares but some insane amount of beef. Also his monster truck was beige. And he was absolutely wearing a flame shirt. This is the greatest story I have ever heard and I am glad that I can share it with all of you.
You have made me so so happy today.
cool story alert: once i drove past him while he was filming diners, drive-ins, and dives outside mel’s in san francisco. i still bring it up every time i go there because i am the worst.
You think I’m jealous? Oh yeah? Well, I think you just like her cause of her looks, personality, talent and strong work ethic. There.
You can see Gabe is an old soul, since he didn’t simply suggest Zooey take a photo of the recipe on her phone (takes less time than writing it on a piece of paper, plus saves like a rainforest’s worth of trees or something).
oops, flanny was faster and funnier. Disregard the previous comment.
You’re all right by me, Roganovic. You’re all right by me.
Siri, how does the sausage get made?
Siri, set a reminder for me to cook tomorrow. Today we dance!
now that’s a spicy, organically-grown, oregano-infused and locally bred beef meatball!
i have no idea how meatballs are made.
i know it’s a little early in 2013 to be nominating myself photoshopper of the year already, but i think i pretty much nailed it with this one.
I agree. You have my magic wand.
OMG I just noticed the tiny Kelly.
I’ll have some eggs and a carton of milk and make no BONES about it!
Shoot wrong sister
You see everyone, the monkey earmuffs are there to convey to the audience of New Girl why a quirky, cutesy, smoking hot indie girl cannot get boned by the three single dudes with which she lives. It’s classic Lucille Ball, I mean Zooey Deschanel!
“My knee-quirk reaction is to get some Bisquirk Panquirk Mix, but I’m feeling festive, so maybe a Quirkish Game Hen? Oh, me.”
Where does she live that earmuffs and shorts is an acceptable outfit?
Here’s what her shopping list looks like:
Milk
Almonds (raw)
Nutella
Ice chips
Cheerios
Pomegranates
Indian figs
Xigua
Illawarra plum
Elephant apples
Dragonfruit
Rutabaga
Elderberry
Acai
Macaroons
Gala apples
Iced tea
Razzleberries
Leeks
I’ll not have what she’s having.
Did you see what I did there?
(Hint: Read DOWN, not across)
Carry a giant book–look like you dropped 10 pounds!!!
1 gallon rainwater from Oregon
6 eggs from a chicken named Steve
Those little cookies with the hole in the middle so you can put them on your pinkie while you eat them
All the tea
3 vegetables with the letter Z in the name
“How much nutmeg is too much?”
♫ I’m reading. I’m in a store, and I’m reading. I’m in a store, and I’m reeeaaading. ♫
I think she’s stealing Bret’s shtick by having ear muffs that look like her ears.
badideajeans–I know I’m a little late to the party, but could you do Flavortown, Graceland?
*fingers crossed*
dammit.
I can’t get the image to load. Sorry.
Son of a nutcracker!